Author jilted_in_pa Posted January 5, 2009 Author Posted January 5, 2009 Hi PleasePleasePlease.. Thanks for your reply. Well it's been a while since I've been on here. Still trying to sort out all of my conflicted feelings. It is so unbelievably difficult. On the one hand, I often still get very angry (now 2 months after finding out about her 15-year past affair). I have moved out of my house thinking it might be better to get some space and separation to help sort of my feelings. Like I said, it is still very hard. I get so angry and hurt still thinking about her affair.... But at times when we are together - we often get together with the kids (dinner, kids sporting events, etc). I can often at least temporarily forget the pain...but then it will rush back in. I wonder if I can every truly get past it. What hurts so much is that she knows this kind of betrayal would be an "end all" kind of event for our marriage. She even told me she knew that what she did would be the end if I ever found out at the time and she did it anyway! Now it is of course 15 long years ago and things haven't been terrible these past 15 years. So it is both awfully hard to leave and awfully hard to stay. I suppose after being married for 22 years, it is hard to imagine starting over again. But I honestly don't know if we can be happy again together with all that has happened. We have been going to MC/therapy for the past couple of months but it doesn't seem to be helping so far. Life sure can be hard sometimes. Thanks again for all of the advice, comments and support. It is much appreciated.
Reggie Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 I'm not neccessarily advocating your leaving. But, I think you could be happy, apart from her. You certainly would be able to find another relationship. Or, if you remain alone, that is fun, as well. We are sold a bit of a bill of goods re the neccessity of a romantic relatiosnhip as a requirement for fulfillmant and happiness. I was married for 20 years. Now that I am single. life is so much more fun, peaceful, and pleasant. I have freedom like I had not had in 20 years. I have tons of friends and am never lonely. My kids see me whenever they or I want and we have a good relationship. If you cannot get past this(and most cannot), rest assured that life can be very good after divorce.
atwitsend Posted January 5, 2009 Posted January 5, 2009 Jilted, The affair was not 15 years ago. To you it was only a few weeks ago. You don't clock it from when she had it. You clock it from when you found out. She didn't tell you back then because she selfishly had the affair and then hid it from you so there would be no repercussions. So she hides it for 15 years. Then because of her deepening faith she wants to clear her conscience. So she dumps it on you. Now its your problem to deal with. She has confessed to ease her mind. Not being concerned what it does to your mind. If she had no affairs since that time. She had no business in telling you now to clear her mind (that is still selfish). Since she has this new found faith. I think you should honor that faith. Jesus said that it is lawful to divorce your wife if she commits adultery. I think you need to bring her in line with her faith and adhere to what Christ said. If she wants to adhere to scripture. She should have no problem with this.
Recommended Posts