BlueEyedGirl Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 So I have been having some problems at work, mainly due to lots of absences because of personal problems. I am pretty private person and have never discussed those problems with anyone at work. Recently though, my immediate boss who has been very understanding until now has told me quite tersely that I haven't done almost any work in weeks. When I got home I decided to send him an e-mail to explain my situation better and the personal stuff that's been going on. My boss and me have relatively close relationship so I don't think this was inappropriate. Well he hasn't replied at all and it's been more than 24hrs. He usually always replies to my e-mails within 2 hours or so. Now reading that e-amil again it's pretty cringeworthy and I regret sending it. I am worried also that it's been forwarded god knows where which makes me depressed as I don't want everyone knowing my problems. What should I do now? I have a meeting with the boss in couple of days. Should I bring up the e-mail at all or pretend that I have never sent it?
Mary3 Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 Chances are : Your boss will use this email ( letter ) to get rid of you if he truly wants to . Personal problems in excess make some employers cringe.,..Of course it all depends on the personal problem and each employee is taken at an individual basis. I would either talk to him in person and tell him you will do your best to work and be a productive employee and show him that you will.
Author BlueEyedGirl Posted November 25, 2008 Author Posted November 25, 2008 Yeah, my problems make me cringe too, sadly it's not something that can be helped or I have any control over. I'm about 99% sure my e-mail has been forwarded I have actually sent that e-mail in the hope that I will get some human understanding. I keep forgetting that most people are not actually human and will only be nice to you as long as they can get something out of you and then throw you under the bus.
Prodigal Princess Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 I keep forgetting that most people are not actually human and will only be nice to you as long as they can get something out of you and then throw you under the bus. Um, of course they want something out of you - they are paying you to work there! I don't know anyone who would expect to be able to take a lot of time off, for whatever reason, and keep their job.
Author BlueEyedGirl Posted November 25, 2008 Author Posted November 25, 2008 Um, of course they want something out of you - they are paying you to work there! I don't know anyone who would expect to be able to take a lot of time off, for whatever reason, and keep their job. Whatever. I do know lots of people do, every employer is different. As for te first statement I have meant it more in general terms.
whichwayisup Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 Go to your Human Resources department (hopefully the company has one) and let them know what's been going on, and also tell them you sent your boss an email but now you fear it's been forwarded and possibly shown to other people. You should speak to your boss face to face and explain why you felt the need to send that email, but don't accuse him of anything (like forwarding the email.) I mean it IS possible he just hasn't read it yet. But in the meantime, work your tail off at work and keep as busy as possible. Show your boss that you DO want to work and are capable of working hard, even if you have some personal issues happening in your life. Bosses are great and understanding, but if problems are ongoing, eventually that understanding gets less and less, no matter how nice of a guy he is.
JoeNat Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 Go and speak to your boss one on one. I would do that as soon as you have time. Just knock on the door or cube wall and say do you have a quick second. Then bring up the email. Start it something like this "Hey do you have a quick second, just want to make sure you understood my email" etc... You will feel a lot better and will get real time reactions. This is of course depending on the situation. Now, if you have been taking time to go to drug rehab then you might have more problems.
2sure Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 While your boss has so far been fairly understanding regarding your need to take more than the usual time off ....he may have been hoping your problems would soon be resolved and the time off would stop. Apparently when he recently spoke to you , he voiced his frustration that this had not happened yet. It is possible the letter you sent, offering a detailed explanation of your need for time off...has convinced him that there is no end in sight to the time off. He may be planning to replace you. Or cut your hours, change your position. If you can honestly offer a date as to when you might be able to be completely dependable that may help you.
Author BlueEyedGirl Posted November 26, 2008 Author Posted November 26, 2008 I'm sooo scared. He didn't reply through e-mail but today has asked me for a meeting. OMFG I hope I'm not getting fired. We will see in a few hours... Chances are he will bring up the e-mail but if he doesn't I won't either. I can just see this happening: "About the e-mail I have sent..." him: "Oh that reminds me, you are getting fired". I will go to HR about the issue of time off UNLESS I GET FIRED TODAY. Well I will go to HR even then.
alphamale Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 When I got home I decided to send him an e-mail to explain my situation better and the personal stuff that's been going on. My boss and me have relatively close relationship so I don't think this was inappropriate. you should have talked with your boss face to face. #1 it makes it more legitimate and #2 there is no permanent record of the discussion
Author BlueEyedGirl Posted November 26, 2008 Author Posted November 26, 2008 Yeah alpha, I am basically ****ed.
Star Gazer Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 You are not effed. Not necessarily, anyway. You explained why things have been the way they were. Make sure you explain that things will not be the same, that you are taking this opportunity to change and improve. That is, of course, assuming your personal problems have a definite end in sight, and are not going to be ongoing....? For example, I struggled during the month following my grandmother's passing (essentially all of October and into early this month). For the first two weeks, I was almost useless to my firm. The HR-partner said he did not expect full-productivity out of me, and to take as much time as I needed. I guess I took too long to regain my focus, as the managing partner came to me last week and said I seemed "distracted," and that while he understood what I was going through, that I needed to regroup and get my sh*t together. He was right, and I'm proving to him now that I'm capable of doing more than stare out the window and cry every time I think of her. Think positive.
alphamale Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 Yeah alpha, I am basically ****ed. can you get a doctors note to explain that you have all this stuff going on and you're stressed out and having trouble working? if not you should talk with your boss at the meeting and be up front and honest and tell him how much longer the situation may last... most supervisors know when you're bullshyting or not...
whichwayisup Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 What did your boss say? Any update? Anyway, I really hope he listened to you and things are okay.
Author BlueEyedGirl Posted November 28, 2008 Author Posted November 28, 2008 He didn't bring up the e-mail at all which kind of made me uncomfortable as I don't really know what he is thinking. We went through the work that I did and he said "well done". He also talked about future plans like the extension of the work I am already doing and that he signed me up for a training course in 2 months time. I don't think that I am getting fired *right now* but in general my boss avoids confrontation so I feel there are lots of issues still unresolved. Not sure how to act from here...
whichwayisup Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 Fact that he didn't bring it up probably means he read it but doesn't know what to say to you about it and his reaction to your email he put into action in the sense of telling you 'well done' and also signing you up for a training course. How was he while you two were talking? Comfortable and pleasent? If so, then try not to worry.
Shygirl15 Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 I still find it awkward that he didn't acknowledge your email. Not just any email, but one that discloses very personal information of you. If I was in your situation, I would have brought it up into discussion.
RecordProducer Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 BlueEyedGirl, I think your problem is resolved for now and you won't lose your job. May I ask, what were the problems that prevented you from working? Love, health, familiy...? What did you tell your boss in your email? I mean, here we are all anonymous, so you can tell us in a few words (if you want).
alphamale Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 I still find it awkward that he didn't acknowledge your email. Not just any email, but one that discloses very personal information of you. If I was in your situation, I would have brought it up into discussion. for a supervisor to respond to such a personal email would probably be a bad idea. mainly because whatever he said in documented and could be used against him if something blows up.... he'll probably bring it up verbally is my bet
Shygirl15 Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 he'll probably bring it up verbally is my bet Well, they had a face to face meeting and he didn't. He should have acknowledged it verbally during this meeting. At least.
Author BlueEyedGirl Posted November 28, 2008 Author Posted November 28, 2008 I am very paranoid that someone I know will read this so I won't disclose the nature of my problems. WWIU, he was very pleasant, joking etc completly normal. Also, this is not the first time I told him of my problems. Few months ago when they started, I again told him through e-mail and he replied to take as much time as I need and not to worry about work. Fast forward to present and I'm still absent a lot, and he told me recently that I haven't done any work in the last few months in a serious tone. Then, I wrote him the e-mail that started this thread, that my problems are still ongoing and I even said something like "after all the stress I am going through last thing I need is being pushed to work". And no reply - it still bugs me. Maybe he just doesn't know what to say, as in he can't really say again "take as much time as you need" but then again he didn't want to be even more pushy. Plus my e-mail didn't really have that pleasant of a tone... who knows.
Author BlueEyedGirl Posted November 28, 2008 Author Posted November 28, 2008 On second thought, I think I will bring up the e-mail next time I see him. At least I will know more of where I stand by his reaction because now I think that every next meting will be the one where I will get fired.
Quinch Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 I had this when I was working at the DIY store a few months ago. I emailed my boss (who is also a friend) and told him I didn't think it was working out for me there. Then I got called to the deputy managers office and he basically asked me to hand in my resignation. So then I had to go back to my boss and explain that I wanted to give it another try. I was allowed to stay for a few more months then they made me redundant. But I'm sure I would have punched out a customer by now anyway so probably for the best. If, however, your boss is talking about further training later on, I would take that as a good sign. Good luck
whichwayisup Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 He may have had a chat with HR, and they advised him not to respond, because anything he could say back, may be misintrepretted wrong.. Also, he is setting you up with a course, that's less stress and responsibility put on you.
Ronni_W Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 , he was very pleasant, joking etc completly normal. Maybe he just doesn't know what to say, as in he can't really say again "take as much time as you need" but then again he didn't want to be even more pushy. Yeah...that's how I'd take it: With his silence, he is trying to be as human as he has ever been towards you, and as (outwardly) supportive as his professional position allows him to be at this point -- in reality, you still have his 100% personal and professional support, I mean. Could also be that he realized that your email was a bit of a rant/vent, is willing to see it as more of a personal thing between the two of you, wants to get past the entire, er, "email fiasco", and is really just hoping it will die the natural death that it deserves...instead of letting it continue so it can turn into something bigger that will end up biting you in the butt. Thus far, any "crisis" was really just the fabrication of your own thoughts -- understandably so, but just in your own mind, nonetheless.
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