edinsvet Posted November 24, 2008 Posted November 24, 2008 This is an odd one. I met a young woman. We had one date that lasted an hour. It went OK, but then I left the country. We stayed in touch by e-mail, text messages, and regular mail. This goes on for a year and a half. I came back, and asked her out for the second date (18 months later). She writes me back, and says. "I want to change my life. Maybe you can help me?" I figured whatever she would ask would be bad, but this really got my curiosity going, because nobody ever said this to me. I called to find out what she wanted but she told me that she would tell me when she sees me. We make a date. On the day of the date, she cancels. The reason she says "hanging out with a friend". I decide that she is nuts and delete her number from my phone. She calls me a week later. She tells me that she has just moved to my city. I say that is great 20 SMS messages later we go out on our second date. She shows up looking absolutely stunning. Much more beautiful than I could remember. The date goes well we make plans to see each other again. She never mentions anything about changing her life or me helping. Maybe it was moving to my city? I drive her home but instead we end up in the Supermarket together because we both needed to go shopping. There was no kiss goodbye. I write her I had a good time she writes me back so did she. OK so I write her today and ask her about going out on Tuesday. She writes back 3 words "will be working". No alternate plans, no reschedule. Nothing. I write her again, and she ignores me. Should I keep chasing? or move on?
Perry Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 Isn't the answer obvious? Think, will ya? Don't let your little head take over the thinking of the big head, or it will rule your life, and make you weak. Sorry, man.
EYECANDY000 Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 Either move on or start asking more probing questions!
Author edinsvet Posted November 26, 2008 Author Posted November 26, 2008 This conversation brings up a more important issue. I am always so confused about how much I should pursue. I usually make the first moves, but as soon as I sense the slightest sign of resistance I just move on. Of course, the girls who don't resist at all are usually the ones nobody wants to be with. And eventually the relationship will fail. So I am not sure what a good rule of thumb is. I know some guys who call 20x a day, and it works for them. I am just not comfortable doing that to someone.
Perry Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 I no longer date, but when I did, I asked only one time. I didn't want to be with a woman who thinks I should chase (that is, IF that is why she declined the first time), like a dog going after cars. I want a woman with character. How 'bout you? Besides, there are way too many other women out there to ask out. Do you really know guys who called a lot before she finally went out with him? Are they still together; did they go out again??? Of course, the girls who don't resist at all are usually the ones nobody wants to be with. And eventually the relationship will fail. Where did you get that idea from??? Perry TheList.FM
Isolde Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 I'm not really sure if I can give you advice on your specific situation, but I'd argue with your idea that "girls who don't resist when you ask them out probably aren't worth dating." If two people really want to go out with one another, they will not make excuses. Now, this doesn't mean they'll never cancel or postpone a date, but it does mean you won't have to try this hard. If a girl requires 20 phone calls to be convinced to date someone, she's obviously WAY too high maintenance.
Author edinsvet Posted November 26, 2008 Author Posted November 26, 2008 Yes a lot of guys around here call 20x. And the girls that are interested in me here pursue me shamelessly no matter how many times I don't call back. I even had to change my number once. Maybe a cultural thing in the country I live in?
Isolde Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 Yes a lot of guys around here call 20x. And the girls that are interested in me here pursue me shamelessly no matter how many times I don't call back. I even had to change my number once. Maybe a cultural thing in the country I live in? Yuck, I can see how that makes the whole dating scene trickier to navigate. I still maintain that a girl who's worth your time won't "play hard to get."
Perry Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 Exactly. Besides, real men don't chase. They don't have to. You want a rule of thumb? Consider asking only twice, and that's it. It will make you a stronger person, too.
Author edinsvet Posted November 26, 2008 Author Posted November 26, 2008 Yuck, I can see how that makes the whole dating scene trickier to navigate. I still maintain that a girl who's worth your time won't "play hard to get." Totally harder to navigate. All the rules seem different here. And then throw in the fact that I am still fumbling with the language.
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