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Is he doing this on purpose, or is he just dense?


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Posted

My ex broke up with me 2.5 months ago. I didn't think there were any problems in the relationship. I was happy, I thought he was happy (well at least with me), knew he was stressed about work and school. When he broke up with me he said it was because he didn't want to get married now, he didn't really know what he wanted, and it wasn't fair to me. We've talked and/or seen each other 3 times since the breakup. And every single time he acts likes he's distraught over it. He's told me how much he's cried. How much he misses me. (in fact if you read one of blogs, you'll see that I actually thought after our first conversation that we would be getting back together) Going into the details of the 3 times talking/seeing each other would be way too long to write. But basically he acts like I broke up with him. He acts like his heart has been broken, and like he loves me. He acts like I feel! It is infuriating because try as hard as I can, I am not over him yet. I do still love him, and sadly, I do still think that he was the right guy for me. I don't get it. Is he honestly this heartbroken over our breakup that he did. If so why is he not doing anything about it? Or, is he just dense and thinks this is what I want to hear, to make it easier for me?

Posted

I have to say, I think you're being extraordinarily patient!

 

By now I'd have slapped him upside the head and asked him what the hell he was playing at?!

 

"What do you want, fer chrissakes - ?! You broke up with me, remember? Why all the drama? Look, I am getting really hacked off with your moaning, wailing and gnashing of teeth!

If you want to go out again fine, we'll try again! But if you don't want to go out again - quit giving me a hard time, stop contacting me and get over it!

It's all your doing anyway, so why put it on me - ??!?"

 

 

or something like that. :o:D

Posted

I don't understand! If he is feeling like you are feeling, why aren't you getting back together ? Is he not being sincere in his feelings?

Posted

wow that is weird i don't know i cant seem to place it.....maybe you just need to walk away.

Go on with your life and maybe someday it will turn right back around.

 

I wouldn't go pining away if i were you, enjoy life to the fullest and you never know

  • Author
Posted

I am definitely attempted to live life to its fullest. Still going to the gym, doing a lot of volunteer work with my church, going out with friends, dating again, etc. Though, I'm always thinking about him at the end of the day. I'm not sure if he's being sincere with his feelings?! I'd like to think he is (even though that's really just a set back for me with getting over him). It makes me wonder is he keeping me around, keeping me from being able to get over him so that when he is finished with whatever he's going through, his desire to be single, whatever; I'm still there? Is he really this confused? Or, as I said, is it all a completely untrue, and he's just acting this way because he thinks it'll be easier on me (or out of guilt, for hurting me). I know that the healthy thing for me would be to just not talk to him, keep doing things for me, and just work on getting over him. But, like we all know - that is a lot easier said than done. Especially when he keeps doing things like this! Geisha - you're right, why haven't I slapped him upside the head!!! Actually after our last conversation. I really wanted to. I wanted to call or e-mail him and just say - "WTF - you act like I feel. Everything your saying that you've been doing for the past 2 month are things that I have been doing to try and deal with this. Why if you are so miserable with the breakup are we not together." I decided in the end to just keep attempting the no contact (so hard). I've already told him that I want to be back with him, so he knows how I feel.

Posted

My guess he is crying over losing something he feels you can't give him (or can no longer give him). That's why getting back together will not relieve his pain and blubbery.

 

Could be some guilt thrown in there as well.

 

My ex did the same exact thing to me. Dumped me, then cried endless tears, made me feel like I'm the one that ended the relationship and even raked me over the coals for seeing others after the dumping. I had the same profound thoughts you did..."WTF???!!!"

Posted

I'm still in the same house with my ex until we can get that worked out and we are being cordial. She broke up with me and said she didn't love me anymore, but recently she has been affectionate towards me in the way we were when together.

 

In my mind I am constantly thinking "WTF"?!?!?!? Wondering is she already lonely (been broken up for almost 2 weeks), does she want me back (she has had plenty of chances to say it if she felt she made a mistake)...I just don't get it.

Posted

It's tough being in the same place together.

My ex would call me in the middle of the night from our extra bedroom, saying she couldn't sleep. So I would hold her all night (she was nude even) and she would be able to sleep after that. She moves out and says we can only be friends and starts f*cking my best friend. So I am just saying my ex was affectionate to me too in the house, but she always had her little f*cked up plan in the back of her mind.

Posted

Well, we are not sleeping in the same room, but her affection towards me is confusing. What does she want? A warm body? She hasn't done anything f**ked up yet.

 

If you say you fell out of love with someone, why the hell is she trying to be affectionate?

Posted
My ex broke up with me 2.5 months ago. I didn't think there were any problems in the relationship. I was happy, I thought he was happy (well at least with me), knew he was stressed about work and school. When he broke up with me he said it was because he didn't want to get married now, he didn't really know what he wanted, and it wasn't fair to me. We've talked and/or seen each other 3 times since the breakup. And every single time he acts likes he's distraught over it. He's told me how much he's cried. How much he misses me. (in fact if you read one of blogs, you'll see that I actually thought after our first conversation that we would be getting back together) Going into the details of the 3 times talking/seeing each other would be way too long to write. But basically he acts like I broke up with him. He acts like his heart has been broken, and like he loves me. He acts like I feel! It is infuriating because try as hard as I can, I am not over him yet. I do still love him, and sadly, I do still think that he was the right guy for me. I don't get it. Is he honestly this heartbroken over our breakup that he did. If so why is he not doing anything about it? Or, is he just dense and thinks this is what I want to hear, to make it easier for me?

 

Did any action or event initiated by yourself lead to him withdrawing?

 

That said aside, this guy sounds a bit too dramatic. Erase his number, email address etc. and keep it no contact.

  • Author
Posted

We got into our first fight a week prior to him breaking up with me. It was a misunderstanding on his part and bad communication on mine. He thought I didn't want to spend his birthday with him, and thought that it indicated I didn't love him as much as he loved me. I thought we got it worked out, I explained more clearly what I meant, I told him I loved him - and after that he seemed fine. (He broke up with me 3 days before his birthday) We always just had fun together, and enjoyed each others company. no cheating. Other than the one fight - no fighting. I don't consider myself an overly dramatic person or a bitch, so no negativity. So, of course the "out of the blue" breakup, with no complete understanding of why, and then his actions ever since, make me wonder.

Posted
When he broke up with me he said it was because he didn't want to get married now, he didn't really know what he wanted, and it wasn't fair to me

 

Had you been asking about marriage? Could be he felt he HAD to break up with you because you want marriage and he doesn't. He could still love you and feel miserable about breaking up, because he may not have wanted to break up but felt that it was his only option.

 

I've broken up with people that I loved and it was extremely painful and I was miserable, but there was no other choice - he really gave me no other choice.

Posted
My ex broke up with me 2.5 months ago. I didn't think there were any problems in the relationship. I was happy, I thought he was happy (well at least with me), knew he was stressed about work and school. When he broke up with me he said it was because he didn't want to get married now, he didn't really know what he wanted, and it wasn't fair to me. We've talked and/or seen each other 3 times since the breakup. And every single time he acts likes he's distraught over it. He's told me how much he's cried. How much he misses me. (in fact if you read one of blogs, you'll see that I actually thought after our first conversation that we would be getting back together) Going into the details of the 3 times talking/seeing each other would be way too long to write. But basically he acts like I broke up with him. He acts like his heart has been broken, and like he loves me. He acts like I feel! It is infuriating because try as hard as I can, I am not over him yet. I do still love him, and sadly, I do still think that he was the right guy for me. I don't get it. Is he honestly this heartbroken over our breakup that he did. If so why is he not doing anything about it? Or, is he just dense and thinks this is what I want to hear, to make it easier for me?

 

dense. and a drama queen. The old'.............

"this was so hard for me to do line"

 

Making it like they are a victim of circumstance and just had to do this.....and it really eating them up inside.

BOOO! CRappy tactic.

 

it had happened to all of us.

  • Author
Posted
dense. and a drama queen. The old'.............

"this was so hard for me to do line"

 

Making it like they are a victim of circumstance and just had to do this.....and it really eating them up inside.

BOOO! CRappy tactic.

 

it had happened to all of us.

 

 

 

lol - yes, not only dense but also drama queen - I guess somebody had to be! Seriously the 3 times we've talked the way he's acted is like he's dying of some horrible disease and he needed to end it to spare me, even though it's killing him inside. Remind anyone else of a Nicolas Spark novel?

 

 

Norajane - That's a really good question - but I wasn't pushing for marriage. I was going with the flow. He took me to go look at rings (as a surprise one day) and told me he'd been looking at them for me. This was our first actual talk of marriage. I will absolutely admit that I loved the idea, but he's 26 I'm 27, there was no pressure for anything immediate. I kind of took my cues from him. He talked about it, so I felt able to talk about it. He was excited about the idea, so I expressed my excitement too. It's like he made his bed then he was too afraid to lie in it :rolleyes:.

 

 

Michiganman - that's intersting maybe you're on to something there.

Posted

Yup, he's a runaway. Let him wallow in his regret. I do agree that you've been very patient with him. If he contacts again and wants to see you, just lay it on the line. Piss or get off the pot, you're causing a line up!

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