ParisSun Posted November 24, 2008 Posted November 24, 2008 I'm finding myself back in the dating scene after 14 years married, and I don't have a clue. Met a man on a 6 day cruise, we had great chemistry,etc. He was very much a gentleman and never pushed for anything. Invited me to a great dinner, I found the wine going to my head very quickly, and revealed some things about myself. Nothing too too shocking, except to a very critical person/complete prude. But he also revealed personal things about himself and his past. He had been divorced 10 years before (because he felt like he was doing all the work in the relationship). He had now been single since then. At the end a a very fun evening dancing, he escorted me to my cabin, and I had way too much to drink, which I normally don't do. He was about to leave when I began kissing him. It was great, and he said my ex husband was a fool. He then left me saying he should leave now because he didn't want "it" to happen this way (me completely out of it). I thanked him for doing that, the next day. The next and final night we went out again and had a great time, but this time he escorted me back, began kisssing me, and then obviously was pushing for something more. However, despite my hints about our having dinner after the cruise, and my getting his email address, he did not ask for my number. When I stopped anything (the making out) from proceeding further, and said it was too soon for sex, he said "sex?, I thought we could just make out in your cabin for a while"---(yea right). I said, it was apparent to me you wanted sex, but it's too fast for me. Let's have dinner after the cruise. His response "email me". Then he left and that was it. One thing I don't get is he said a few times in the beginning that I behaved as though I was afraid of him or wanted to get away from him. I said it's just the opposite and I'm just shy. Why would he pursue me if he thought I didn't like him? He also said he tends to let the woman decide how close we get. It's all very confusing. I really liked this guy and we had a strong connection. I come from a background that is different from his (wealthier) and might intimidate him. But, especially at this stage of my life, I care about a person as an individual, not his criteria or his resume--although he has a good job, he's a professional. I also said, I don't know why, that now I was divorced I wanted to feel free, and that it was "raining men". I was kidding around I guess. I'm considered very attractive and get a lot of looks from men, but I'm not 20 anymore (early 40's). But he's got to be in his mid-50's. He's not technically hot looking, but I find him really cute. However, alot of older men seem to want 20 year olds. I get more interest from young guys very often. Could it be any of these things, or else the fact that I drank so much that one night? I told him what hotel I was staying at, if he remembers. But I don't think I'll email him. Isn't it up to him to show some interest in contacting me? I just felt so let down that it was so nice between us, but he seemed to have changed his mind or something. What should I think?
2sure Posted November 24, 2008 Posted November 24, 2008 Welcome to life and dating after 40. It will all come back to you like riding a bike but there are a few major differences. First, like yourself, most people are divorced . They may be new to dating and rusty, or thay may be having a real good time playing the field. So that leads to #2. Playing the field can mean dating or just hit and run sex. Those that are not divorced, are married. It is quite possible that when a guy gives you only an email address, he is married or attached. But your guy was on a cruise alone, so probably available. Because he didnt ask for your #s, and only gave you an email...I would say he was looking more for a "what happens in Vegas" type scenerio, which isnt odd considering you were on a cruise. But hey, maybe he has been often rejected and feels more comfy with you contacting him. So, shoot him an email. Cant hurt.
Perry Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 What 2sure said. I'm leaning more towards the idea that he may have just wanted sex. One of the best ways to weed out such guys, and "little boys" is to not have sex so quickly. Maybe, MAYBE you weeded him out??? If you aren't sure, e-mail him to get his phone number. You want that number! If, IF he gives it to you, call to suggest going out and doing something, like, a movie. Make the first move to get it going again. If he is genuine, he will appreicate it. Us guys loooooove a woman who initiates, asks us for a date for a change. Hope it works out for you in the end. Perry TheList.FM
Author ParisSun Posted December 20, 2008 Author Posted December 20, 2008 I had always thought men wanted to be the pursuers, and didn't like aggressive women. Then again, I've lived in Europe part of the time, where that's more the case I think. In the US I know women are much more forward with men, in fact they often seem to be the ones who chase. That's not really my style, although I have done it on very rare occasions, subtly at least. Your saying that a guy would welcome this is eye opening, because I assumed that if I were to email him, when he never asked for my number or email, then it would just be all wrong, you know? If they want a lady badly enough they'll climb mountains and jump through hell fires, etc... Otherwise forget it...it'll always be just luke warm anyway. Am I misinformed? I've had so many problems in life with stalkers and men like that, who got absolutely NO encouragement and only discouragement...but who just wouldn't quit. I still get that, even at my age. And yet when I do encourage an ordinary guy, and we have a fabulous time together...it fizzles out. Maybe the stalkers and harassers like to stalk and harass precisely because they don't have to deal with actual relationships with women---it's just a head trip (and not a very kind one).
Author ParisSun Posted December 20, 2008 Author Posted December 20, 2008 It's hard to know what someone might be thinking after knowing them a mere 6 days. As you say, it could be either way. At this stage I don't think I want to contact him anymore anyway. I guess after all this, I'm afraid I might find we are not as compatable as I thought. After all, life on a ship is "Fantasy Island". And to tell you the truth, as wrong as I might be to think this way, I feel that if I have to make all the effort, then it's not worth it. It just loses the romance for me, ya know? I like a guy who is not pushy, it's true. But the other extreme is too much also. There should be a meeting of minds somehow.
Benique Posted December 20, 2008 Posted December 20, 2008 I had always thought men wanted to be the pursuers, and didn't like aggressive women. Then again, I've lived in Europe part of the time, where that's more the case I think. In the US I know women are much more forward with men, in fact they often seem to be the ones who chase. That's not really my style, although I have done it on very rare occasions, subtly at least. Your saying that a guy would welcome this is eye opening, because I assumed that if I were to email him, when he never asked for my number or email, then it would just be all wrong, you know? If they want a lady badly enough they'll climb mountains and jump through hell fires, etc... Otherwise forget it...it'll always be just luke warm anyway. Am I misinformed? I've had so many problems in life with stalkers and men like that, who got absolutely NO encouragement and only discouragement...but who just wouldn't quit. I still get that, even at my age. And yet when I do encourage an ordinary guy, and we have a fabulous time together...it fizzles out. Maybe the stalkers and harassers like to stalk and harass precisely because they don't have to deal with actual relationships with women---it's just a head trip (and not a very kind one). There are guys who are waiting for a woman to take first steps ,and then they will climb not only mountains,but high buildings as well to get that woman into their hands ,I believe . But they (guys) also need some assurance that they are liked by a woman. In your case I would not think it would be extra extra if you stalk him a bit ... Just email him ,if you have got it (I understood from your post that you have got his email actually,yes?). Let him know how you feel . Maybe he thinks that it was just a fun for you,and you are not even a bit seriously into him ... Make a first step . Then wait and see . Best of luck ! Be aggressive a bit .
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