The LDR-er Posted November 24, 2008 Posted November 24, 2008 God i feel like i need to type this some where... as i can't really talk to any of my friends abt this cos they will just think i am being a women. anyway long story cut short, basically i have been goign out with this girl for about 5 months now, i really only spend 3 weeks with her in person, it was short but sweet, came back to the UK and it was all okay at the start, because although she has to work and the time difference is a killer, so she has to stay up till about 3:00am everyday to talk on me on the phone for about 1 - 2 hours that means she is sleeping at around 4 - 5:00am then sometimes she has to go to work at 9:00am that leaves her about 2 hours to sleep, as she like to look good before she goes to work. Other times she need to work at 1:00pm so she can get abt 5 - 6 hours sleep, as she get up at 10, the best time for us to talk will be her working early then hav the next day off, but it doesn;t happen often. so this have been going on for abt 5 months now, we made it work and is amazing how she can keep up with it, but recently the time has change to winter time in the uk, therefore is one hour ahead that means she has to stay up till like 4:00am to talk. and this is killing her as she hardly can surive cos the hours of sleep she is getting is not humanly possible. and she is falling asleep while we are talking so i get annoyed but deeply i understand it is hard but at the same time the only reason we can do this LDR for 5 months is though taking on the phone everynight, and we both feel we need to talk everynight, i am feeling well down i know is not our problem that her time shift at work sucks but i am afriad that i cannot do this if we don;t speak often, because msn-ing is not enough the phone is kind of the life line for the both of us, and if we can;t talk i don;t really see the point of dragging this on, i love her, but somethimes i feel like we are trying to force it to work and if we don;t find a soultion we will only last for 1 year or 2 maybe but i can;t really fall in love with her if i know there is going to be an end to this when she can no longer keep up with the constant tiredness. any suggestion?
Rollercoasterr Posted November 24, 2008 Posted November 24, 2008 Instead of her staying up so late why can't she just go to bed at around 10, set her alarm for whatever time you and her are supposed to talk and then get up, and go back to bed once you're finished talking? It would be much much easier for her sleeping wise, but then again, I dont know what she does during the night, so I'm just saying...it's worth a shot. And is there no way that you can call her earlier?
Trialbyfire Posted November 24, 2008 Posted November 24, 2008 What's stopping you from losing a few hours sleep on alternating nights?
Author The LDR-er Posted November 24, 2008 Author Posted November 24, 2008 Instead of her staying up so late why can't she just go to bed at around 10, set her alarm for whatever time you and her are supposed to talk and then get up, and go back to bed once you're finished talking? It would be much much easier for her sleeping wise, but then again, I dont know what she does during the night, so I'm just saying...it's worth a shot. And is there no way that you can call her earlier? well she can go to bed at 10, but she is the kind of person that if she sleeps is very very hard for her to get up agian, even if the alarm goes off she wouldn;t wake up.... her dad wakes her up, cos she told him to do so, but even if she got up she often just fall back to sleep while talking... is not like she don;t love me or anyhting, is hard to explain how i know she does in a short paragraph, but the fact she knows she will fall asleep so she stays up utill the time i have to call her (3 - 4:00am)is a gd example. we hav tried everything possible, and i have posted this topic on a few other forum, the feedback tend to be wht i thought.... i am just being selfish, making her stay up while she has to work.. i can call her eairler but the fact we talk everyday, for abt an hour or 2 if i don;t call her after peak time, the money is just not affordable, so if i was to ring her eairler we will hav to talk like once every 3 day to cancel out the money issue. i have taken advice from ppl on other forums and stop being a selfish arse, turne out once i said that i am not gonna be selfish and let u be happy and get more sleep so we will talk less and only when she feels like it. the reaction was really gd, she felt i don't love her anymore at the start, when i said it she couldn't believe is comign out of my mouth, but for her to feel that, it means obviously she still really cares abt me, and don't want me to change, but i have explained to her is gonan be better for the both of us in the long run and i am glad although from now is gonna be less speaking time, but i think we will treasure the long talks we will hav when she gets her day off..... i hope this will work out for the both of us.
Author The LDR-er Posted November 24, 2008 Author Posted November 24, 2008 What's stopping you from losing a few hours sleep on alternating nights? hey sorry i don't really know what u mean by that, i am not the one losing sleep, she is the one losing sleep as i am in the UK, so when i call her is 3 or 4am and somethins if we talk for 2 hours she don;t even get to go to bed, and hav to go to work strught after we tak on the phone. so as i explained above, i just hav to stop being selfish and let the poor girl go to bed, as if i love her i will want her to be happy and awake when we talk not tired and forcing it.
Trialbyfire Posted November 24, 2008 Posted November 24, 2008 hey sorry i don't really know what u mean by that, i am not the one losing sleep, she is the one losing sleep as i am in the UK, so when i call her is 3 or 4am and somethins if we talk for 2 hours she don;t even get to go to bed, and hav to go to work strught after we tak on the phone. so as i explained above, i just hav to stop being selfish and let the poor girl go to bed, as if i love her i will want her to be happy and awake when we talk not tired and forcing it. But that's what I'm saying. Why isn't your schedule adjustable?
Author The LDR-er Posted November 25, 2008 Author Posted November 25, 2008 But that's what I'm saying. Why isn't your schedule adjustable? is not like it is not adjustable, is just because i am a student at university, obviously the money is a big issue, calling her after peak time is ok so i will be spending about £40 a week on the phone bill, and about £160 a month so thats like $80 us dollars i guess, which is not too bad, but if i was to call her at peak time i don;t even know how much it will come to... proplay triple the price, $240 us dollars is a lot of money for university student.... although she works but she has a family to support as her parents don;t work, so realisticly i am the only one who is paying foe the calls, and calling her after peak time means i can actually afford my food if not i can;t even eat lol.... so the time is adjustable, but i will means i am calling her less, so if i decide to call her eairlier it will make no difference to the new plan we have made as i will only be calling her abt 3 - 4 times a week, while the plan i hav wit her now is to call her the night she has a day off and on the day when she has 2 late shifts in a row.
Trialbyfire Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 If money is tight, there are free internet connections like skype or others. Yahoo and google both have talk abilities.
Author The LDR-er Posted November 25, 2008 Author Posted November 25, 2008 If money is tight, there are free internet connections like skype or others. Yahoo and google both have talk abilities. ha thats a really gd point. we hav tried before, and her comp sucks, we hav try all the chatting system there is just don;t tend to work with her comp, her comp just don;t like the mic. but i might use skype it things get worse is cheap and i can be on the comp while she is on the phone that might work too, but form now i think i will just stick to the phone, if it is not working i will hav to result in using skype, althoguh me and my gf both feel speaking on the phone is more intimate. but i am not too fussed as long as i can speak to her lol
Trialbyfire Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 LDR-er, I think you need to take a look at how badly you want this to work. You know you have alternative methodologies to keep in touch without her having to lose as much sleep as she does and yet, it's more important for the two of you to use a phone? I'm trying to figure out where your priorities are and are having some difficulty. Edit - Are you looking for a solution or are you looking for an out?
Author The LDR-er Posted November 25, 2008 Author Posted November 25, 2008 LDR-er, I think you need to take a look at how badly you want this to work. You know you have alternative methodologies to keep in touch without her having to lose as much sleep as she does and yet, it's more important for the two of you to use a phone? I'm trying to figure out where your priorities are and are having some difficulty. Edit - Are you looking for a solution or are you looking for an out? i guess u are right, it does sounds like i need to work out how much i want this, cos i am being selfish if i feel that i don't wanna make an effort into chaging to different possible solution, knowing they are out there. to be honest with ya i don't even know wht i want half of the time, as if i feel like i am putting more effort into it, and if this relationship doesn't work i will feel well down, as i have a massive blockage when it comes to commitment and trusting issues, i am afriad if i love her too much and it turns to **** i will lose out, but this is just coming from the selfish side of me, as i have decided to let go and be thoughtful and not selfish abt her and our relationship obviously my priority will be to keep in touch and any possible solution will do for me, i will have to see how the current solution goes of giving her more time, as calling her eairier means she has to be home stright after work, that means she lose out on her social life, so i guess the best way now, is that she can tell me her plans for the week, and i will just call her when she is free. therefore finding the balance between work, sleep, social life and me.
Island Girl Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 is not like it is not adjustable, is just because i am a student at university, obviously the money is a big issue, calling her after peak time is ok so i will be spending about £40 a week on the phone bill, and about £160 a month so thats like $80 us dollars i guess, which is not too bad, but if i was to call her at peak time i don;t even know how much it will come to... proplay triple the price, $240 us dollars is a lot of money for university student.... You both need to download Skype. There is an unlimited calls to landlines US to UK or reversed for 9.95 US a month. And I think Skype to Skype is free --- ? So calling computer to computer you can talk free -- and all you need is a headset! You can even webcam and talk and see each other!!
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