Its been three months now and its getting better

[dazedandconfused2008]

Its been three months now since i "officially" left my husband of almost 17 years. I have been through so much the past three months and i have also learned a lot about myself and my relationships. Although my friends were supportive of me i found that my biggest supports came from the outside. My outside supports being seeing a councilor and attending a support group for women leaving bad relationships, as well as this site, and in finding the perfect book for my situation. My friends tried to help but friends can sometimes turn a little judgemental and start expecting what THEY want to see happen. Keep in mind though that every story is different and every person has to take this journey alone because in the end its you living it every day. Not them. I appreciate their concern for me but ultimately its me that has to go through this and make decisions that are best for me. Its been three months and already i feel like a different person. My bouts of crying has lessened tremendously. I am happier more and i actually have a life! When i was with my ex, i made HIM my life. I thought that by staying and putting up with his crap and his cheating, it would prove that i loved him so much. I lived with the HOPE that he would change and see the errors of his ways. All at the price of MY happiness. I also wasnt really living but living through him. I didnt know who i was or what i wanted to do with my life. I thought the only way i could ever be happy was to be with him. He would cheat, i would take him back and try hard to make him stay and see what he was doing. When he would stay i would start resenting him, etc. It was a horrible cycle and no one was happy. I look back at the years spent together and i cant help but ask what the hell was i thinking then?! Leaving him was the hardest thing i ever did. Especially with 5 kids and one on the way. (Due next month). That ended up being the best thing i ever did because after the horrible lonliness and pain and the emotional rollercoaster ride in the past few months, im actually feeling the starts of HAPPINESS again, of finding me again, and seeing real light at the end of the tunnel. I tried so hard in that relationship. I tried everything but in the end the only person you can only change is yourself. Once i understood that and started focusing on me, it was easier to let go and start moving on. I know that its still far from being over just yet, but now i can see what people mean when they let go of someone (for your OWN GOOD) and say it gets better. It really does. Maybe not at first but it does in time and after committing to leaving for a better way. At times you may feel like your alone, you never are. There is always someone going through the same feelings you are.