Shannon2008 Posted November 24, 2008 Posted November 24, 2008 A bit of history to those who haven't read about my experience. The same MM has been contacting me for about 6 years now, on and off...We had an affair twice when he was separated. I moved, changed my number and blocked him from online communication for the last 2 years after the last time. We reconnected just a few weeks ago after I unblocked everyone on my buddy list. I didn't think about it then, but I assumed he removed me from his contact list. He didn't. He was the first person to instant message me that night. We then spoke every day for a few weeks, on the phone but mostly online for HOURS. We had our usual little fights as he can be a bit possessive. I decided I needed to stop this communication...so I removed from my AIM lists. He doesn't have my phone number as I blocked my number when we've spoken on the phone. We stopped talking for a few days and I was on my way. A few days ago he contacted me through email....in a roundabout way he basically said he knows how I am, but talking online shouldn't make me feel guilty as we're not doing "anything" just talking.....He created a new email account and said this is the email we can use and that I could contact him whenever I wanted with no risk of anything. We exchanged some emails...some very intimate emails...but I feel like we're starting a whole new relationship now...it feels a bit exciting but I don't exactly believe this is healthy...even though we don't see eachother we'll still be in eachother's thoughts by doing this...looking forward to that next email..etc.... He's not pressuring me at all to see me....but it just doesn't FEEL right. Maybe I"m making too much out of some emails???
whichwayisup Posted November 24, 2008 Posted November 24, 2008 If it doesn't feel right, then it's not right. Listen to your gut! He's supposed to be in NC mode with you, yet he's secretly made an email account and is contacting you this way - It's an emotional affair, but now online. It is NOT a relationship, it's a fun, fantasy for both of you. And, when his wife busts him again, guess who is going to be hurt and left alone to deal with a broken heart? Yes, you. Do you really want him this way? To have him only online, on his terms and be his hidden secret? Come on, you deserve more than that so quit messing around with this guy and find a single man who can please you and love you.
Owl Posted November 24, 2008 Posted November 24, 2008 I'm going to give you two very small things to think about. First...a link to my story here from four years ago. Don't bother reading through the whole thread...just take a gander at the opening post, see if you happen to see anything that sparks any further thoughts for you: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t49539/ Second, is an excerpt from an IM conversation between my wife and OM on this very same concept...names changed, of course!: (OM): and really, you haven't DONE anything other than flirt, don't know why you keep saying "I am married and like that with you" (OM): other than the phone calls (WW): I only flirt with you in game (OM) but you believe whatever you want...and I dont talk to anyone that hubby doesnt get calls from too.... The bottom line is that OM was trying to convince her that she'd not done "anything wrong" with him because it was just "flirting online" and some phone calls. Of course...it was literally a couple of days later when d-day hit and he bought her plane tickets to go live with him now that I knew about their EA. See any parallels here?
Author Shannon2008 Posted November 24, 2008 Author Posted November 24, 2008 Owl...our experiences are a bit different in that I have known my MM for many years and we did have intimate relations in RL. He does know that I will not engage in anything more than email though as he is married and living with his wife and kids. He will not buy me plane tickets to move in with him as he lives about 30 minutes away...with his family. Also, I am not in love with him, I was...but am not now. I stll have fond memories of him, but I also have extremely bad memories. I don't even know why I even bother to respond to his emails...other than as other posters have mentioned here, it's an addiction. He gets his fix and I get mine...only this time, it is not in person. I'm not involved with anyone right now or Im sure I wouldn't give him the time of day. The holidays are coming and I"m sure we'll both be busy..I know I will...perhaps this will just fade away. Even though he says he has no intention of "bothering me" to see him...I just hope he's not using this access to get into my head again...but clearly, this must be his objective as he's not saying "lets be friends" our correspondence always ends up being very intimate talk and talk about our past...It is amazing how he remembers all details about our time together, where we went to eat, where this happened or that happened...He remembers things I don't. Almost like he was more invested in me than I was in him. I'm so confused....
Owl Posted November 24, 2008 Posted November 24, 2008 Are you involved with anyone right now? I get that he's married...don't take me wrong. But reading through this thread and your other one, I don't see any indications that you're currently 'with' someone. Perhaps you're letting this go on because YOU are lonely, and while it's clearly not ideal, it's SOME kind of emotional interaction/relationship? Regardless, the advice you got from so many others is right on...this is going to go on as long as YOU let it go on. He knows he can come to you to carry on those "racy" conversations, and you'll play. At the end of the day...what do YOU want out of this?
Author Shannon2008 Posted November 25, 2008 Author Posted November 25, 2008 Perhaps you're letting this go on because YOU are lonely, and while it's clearly not ideal, it's SOME kind of emotional interaction/relationship? At the end of the day...what do YOU want out of this? I think you hit the nail right on the head with this one...I probably am feeling a bit lonely now that the holidays are approaching and I suppose ANY kind of attention is better than nothing. I emailed him today after I posted this thread and told him "I can't do this" I haven't heard from him since.. Even if he does email...I will try my best to just ignore him. In one way, if the only reason I even corresponded with him was because of loneliness, then I truly am over it and was just using him to play....Thing is, I"m done playing with a dead end guy/relationship.
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