cubbie30 Posted November 24, 2008 Posted November 24, 2008 This is my first post here. I am driving myself insane. The ex left me three months ago. I am having a hell of a time getting through this. To make it clear, we are both 35 years old. The cards were stacked against us from the beginning. I met him through a friend. She only knew him through the internet and introduced him to me. We lived over 800 miles apart. I was living with my daughter's father at the time. I fell for him fast. Got the attention I was seeking. After six weeks of chatting, I flew out to see him. We had a connection, but he was living with his ex and seeing different women. Yes I know I should have run then. I fell in love with him. Flew out again six weeks later. He was sick with a serious infection and was in the hospital. After this second time, we decided to make it more official. He decided to move to be with me. His life was a mess. He had just gotten divorced and was looking for a fresh start. He had no money, no car, and was about to be evicted. This time I drove out to get him. This was December 2007. He came to live with me with no job, no car, no money, nothing. But I loved him and hoped for the best. We got along great. After two months here, still no job. He was wasting time talking to friends on the internet and I was getting annoyed. He finally got a job and things were looking up. Not making much money, but we were getting by. I was happy. I was in love. His daughter came to stay the summer with us. He was working 2nd shift and wasn't home with us in the evenings. It took a toll. I did everything to accommodate him. Waking up in the middle of the night to spend time with him and interrupting my work schedule during the day to spend time with him (I work at home). My daughter got sick and was in the hospital. It was about this time that I noticed there was something wrong. He was always running outside smoking a cigarette and was on his phone a lot. He was texting a girl he used to work with, someone he had met here. It got more suspicious. I did an awful thing and checked phone records. There were hundreds of text messages between them. I confronted him. He said it was nothing. I confronted her. She said it was nothing. It continued. I couldn't trust him. He had cheated on all his girlfriends before and had told me about it. He came home late a couple of times with lame excuses. He decided to move out the day after his daughter left to go back home. He had asked his texting "friend" if he could move in with her. She picked him up and off he went. I was still paying for his cell phone as he was on my account. He said he needed "time" to figure it all out and that he still loved me. I couldn't stop checking phone records. They were texting and calling each other constantly. What did I expect? He was living with her and her five kids. He left his dog with me claiming he couldn't take the dog to her house on account of her kids (the dog has bitten strangers). We wanted me to "wait" for him all this time telling me he loved me, but not helping me with his dog or giving me any money towards his phone bill. I finally got fed up. After 2.5 months, I had only seen him 3 times and he was leading me on. I disconnected his phone and told him he was "free". The next day he took our pictures down from his myspace and was posting pictures of him and his "friend". that was devastating. I texted her asking if she could get him to pay me the money he owed me as it wasn't fair what he was doing. She responded with "you will get your money when he gets his things, we are getting married". Needless to say it was like a slap in the face. She has five kids and is taking care of him too. He makes very little money as he has child support of his own to pay. This guy is a mess, but I can't seem to get over all this. I want him to hurt. I want revenge. I want them to both rot in misery. This is not healthy for me at all. His things are still here and so is the dog. It's been 3 months. I apologize ahead of time if my story is rambling, but my emotions are a mess. How can I get through this without going completely insane?
allanDR Posted November 24, 2008 Posted November 24, 2008 That's rough. Just to echo everyone else, cut this a*shole out of your life. He sounds like he charmed the hell out of you until you realized he was worthless. Just move on and don't look back.
Author cubbie30 Posted November 24, 2008 Author Posted November 24, 2008 I feel like such a fool. I fell so hard for him. His new girl has no idea what is in store for her. He played me like a fiddle.
Author cubbie30 Posted November 24, 2008 Author Posted November 24, 2008 I'm not sure what to do about the dog either. He has ignored me when I asked him to come and get the dog. I am trying to keep him, but knowing that his owner abandoned him is making it very hard to do that. I just don't want this pain to drag on.
Surfer Dude Posted November 24, 2008 Posted November 24, 2008 It seems you were dealing with a total low life douchebag. Don't be sorry he left. You should only perhaps be sorry you were so naive to ever trust him, but now you know better
gennamoon Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 cubbie30... I'm really sorry to hear you're having a hard time. I've been having a really hard time myself with my breakup. This guy that I met through my friends (he's been with them for about 20 years while I've been friends with this group for about 10) and he pursued me until I agreed to go out on a date with him. He's divorced with three kids...was married for 12 years and divorced for 2. I'm a single mom of two with similar situations. He was very open with me and completely different from the impression he gives most people when they first meet him. Most of our friends repeatedly told me that they couldn't get over how comfortable he was with me because he doesn't open up to any of them. Anyway needless to say in July, he started having some financial problems, was going to have to move out of his apartment, started working 60 hours a week and his exwife got remarried. A couple weeks later, he broke things off. Then my best friend needed to rent her home so I hooked her up with him. We were still talking during this time. Then a month after the breakup, he came back around. We started talking casually and spending one day a week together. Then, surprise surprise, he started having some more money problems...he told me all about them and then the next night told me what we needed to stop spending time together. I feel like a fool also. He pretty much told one of our friends that he thought he was ready to date again, but realized that he wasn't because he didn't know what he wanted. It really ticks me off because basically I was this guy's guinea pig. I hope things start to get better for you...I keep waiting for things to get better for me.
Author cubbie30 Posted November 25, 2008 Author Posted November 25, 2008 hi gennamoon, i'm sorry for your situation. some men are strange. my ex told me i was the only woman he ever loved, and he has been married before. he said he was moving out because he couldn't make me happy and didn't want me to hate him. of course he couldn't make me happy when he was lying and acting suspicious. my ex's life is a mess. he has three children with three different women and only hears from one of them. he wants to get married and settle down, but told me he doesn't even know if he loves this woman he is with now. she has five kids of her own. it doesn't make sense. i think he just doesn't want to be alone. i would rather be alone than lead someone on.
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