motive2002 Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 How effective is NC? Break it, and you'll know your answer. Personally, I suggest you don't. A lot of us have had the opportunity to find out for ourselves. I thought I was strong enough.... I wasn't. NC means no contact at all of any kind whatsoever. This includes looking at their Myspace, or getting the 'scoop' from friends. Cold turkey.
alwayssme Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 Is NC really the best option though? I mean wouldn't little contact as in them texting hey how are you be ok untill you move on? I guess not. But it hurts to think that person is out of your life for ever...not even a friendship...ouch! Oh and definetely no looking at their myspace/facebook...I'm trying to fight the urge because all i'm gonna see is he's happy...blah!!! and I have been reading in here that it has been a year or many months where people still are not 100% healed....I guess healing does take time it does get better though so something to look forward to
EmperorR Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 Is NC really the best option though? I mean wouldn't little contact as in them texting hey how are you be ok untill you move on? I guess not. But it hurts to think that person is out of your life for ever...not even a friendship...ouch! Oh and definetely no looking at their myspace/facebook...I'm trying to fight the urge because all i'm gonna see is he's happy...blah!!! and I have been reading in here that it has been a year or many months where people still are not 100% healed....I guess healing does take time it does get better though so something to look forward to Yep NC is the best option, little bit of contact still gives you some hope, its like smoking and quitting a few puffs here and there aren't going to help just set youback. It does hurt but taht person doesn't exist anymore there gone like the wind, just think this. If they wanted to contact you they would, they know how to reach you etc. they are the ones who dumped you so why should you be clingy and keep fulfilling their needs. And that's another good thing about NC you don'tknow whether they are happy or their lives are in turmoil but you shouldn't care about that anyways. I know it's hard, I'm dealing with it to, hell my ex fiance cheated on me and left me and I know she's dating someone knew and I'm still struggling every day not to prank call her or send a stupid text or letter and I'm 66 days NC.
alwayssme Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 Yep NC is the best option, little bit of contact still gives you some hope, its like smoking and quitting a few puffs here and there aren't going to help just set youback. It does hurt but taht person doesn't exist anymore there gone like the wind, just think this. If they wanted to contact you they would, they know how to reach you etc. they are the ones who dumped you so why should you be clingy and keep fulfilling their needs. And that's another good thing about NC you don'tknow whether they are happy or their lives are in turmoil but you shouldn't care about that anyways. I know it's hard, I'm dealing with it to, hell my ex fiance cheated on me and left me and I know she's dating someone knew and I'm still struggling every day not to prank call her or send a stupid text or letter and I'm 66 days NC. thanks emperor i really needed to hear that. sometimes i think to myself what the hell are you doing? your so young someday you'll find somebody...grrr!!! the thing is that my ex would always contact me and now he doesnt anymore...he heard im talking to some guy he doesnt like, even though the guy is just my friend he thinks its more...because this guy used to be someone i messed with before....i understand him feeling some type of way about that but he has no right to be mad at me...he DUMPED me and told me he didnt love me.......dumpers are so damn selfish, it annoyes me...so i wonder if thats why he wont contact me...again to just block him out of my life...ouch..thats the issue im dealing wit right now...the NC thing...but initiating contact? for what? he would only make me feel unloved and like im being clingy soooo as much as it hurts, i guess i'll keep it to myself and you guys on LS...lol
Narf Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 Is NC really the best option though? I mean wouldn't little contact as in them texting hey how are you be ok untill you move on? I guess not. But it hurts to think that person is out of your life for ever...not even a friendship...ouch! Oh and definetely no looking at their myspace/facebook...I'm trying to fight the urge because all i'm gonna see is he's happy...blah!!! and I have been reading in here that it has been a year or many months where people still are not 100% healed....I guess healing does take time it does get better though so something to look forward to It seems like it would be a nice thing that hey! they still care... but then you ask yourself why?? Do they pity me?? Are they just checking to make themself feel better?? They must be thinking about me?? The answer is they arent! they are thinking about themselves...any contact from them is them relieving guilt... Unless they say im so sorry i made a mistake! but they wont... And they will hurt you more... I guess it is a choice... Prolong the hope or try kill it as fast as you can.. Cause the choice to be with them doesnt lie with you... So find someone else to put the effort into... You found them you can find another someone else
EmperorR Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 It seems like it would be a nice thing that hey! they still care... but then you ask yourself why?? Do they pity me?? Are they just checking to make themself feel better?? They must be thinking about me?? The answer is they arent! they are thinking about themselves...any contact from them is them relieving guilt... Unless they say im so sorry i made a mistake! but they wont... And they will hurt you more... I guess it is a choice... Prolong the hope or try kill it as fast as you can.. Cause the choice to be with them doesnt lie with you... So find someone else to put the effort into... You found them you can find another someone else yup thats why being friends is a piece of crap, I'm still your best friend always there for oyu, so can I see you next week nope. Funny when I start NC not a phone call text anything for 30 days later I could have been dead but I thought I was your friend:rolleyes:. That's the thing that hurts how you talked to that persone every day in my case for 3 years and then boom, I'm sitll struggling not to call them and to them its nothing there already gone moved on.
LittleDove Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 NC is the only way to break the habit of needing that person in your life. After years together, it does feel like you are missing something huge... I broke NC after 6 months and had my closure converstaion ..ect, and now im all good, back having NC, and, I can say that now, the NC is forever. Probably more 'forever' than my relationship was! I never want to speak to the person who hurt me in ways I never imagined someone could be hurt.
Surfer Dude Posted November 27, 2008 Posted November 27, 2008 It seems like it would be a nice thing that hey! they still care... but then you ask yourself why?? Do they pity me?? Are they just checking to make themself feel better?? They must be thinking about me?? The answer is they arent! they are thinking about themselves...any contact from them is them relieving guilt... Unless they say im so sorry i made a mistake! but they wont... And they will hurt you more... I guess it is a choice... Prolong the hope or try kill it as fast as you can.. Cause the choice to be with them doesnt lie with you... So find someone else to put the effort into... You found them you can find another someone else Right on the money. I hope that dumpees and other heartbroken people will realize what their dumper is trying to accomplish by contacting them. Think about it people: If they wanted you to be a part of their life, they wouldn't dump you in the first place, right? If they wanted to share good times with you and be there for you, they wouldn't leave for someone else. There are several reasons why a dumper would want to stay in touch: To alleviate his/her sense of guilt. When you spent considerable amount of time with someone, just dumping them with no remorse isn't easy (although some do that too), so they think they're gonna make both you and themselves feel better if they stay in touch.For convenience. This is what my ex did to me, she kept me around for any kind of help she needed and used me whenever she needed me. God forbid she'd ever ask how I was, I was contacted only when she though she could gain something from it.To tell you about their new lovers and rub it in your face. Yes this one is pretty uncommon but it does happen. Happened to me and a few other people on this forum. Like I previously said, the sole reasons they want to stay in touch is because they are selfish and want to gain some benefit from you. Unless they call you, properly apologize for everything and beg you to take them back, there's really no point in staying in touch. Remember, our patners we loved don't exist anymore. They have been replaced by cruel and heartless people who don't give a sh*t about our feelings.
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