strawberryskies Posted November 24, 2008 Posted November 24, 2008 Hi everyone I am looking for some advice on my situation. BF and I started dating 3 yrs ago but after 4 month I broke up with him as he was too full on and serious and I wasn't ready for that kind of a relationship as I had just come out of a previous one. He was acting all jealous when I talked to another guy etc etc - just really overthetop. 8 months later he seemed a changed guy and after much pursuing from him I agreed to go out with him again and we dated for 1.5 yrs. I fell in love with him and eventually became far too attached. I felt him drifting away from me and wished he could have been like he was when we first started dating, 1st time around. It felt like he changed more and more over the 1.5 yrs we were together, becoming less involved or interested in me or my life. He wouldn't drive to see me and said he hated my family and never wanted to see them again. [Once my dad got angry at him when he had upset me - LONG story] He broke up with me completely unexpectedly and is trying to maintain a friendship by contacting me every day. I am a complete emotional wreck and I keep begging him to reconsider, completely selling out and making me feel like a desperate loser for wanting to be with someone who could break up with me and break my heart and then continue on as if nothing happened. He torments me every day by saying things like "I miss you, like I miss hanging out I don't mean I want to get back together" and I keep waiting like an idiot. He said in 1 month we could try again but I feel like he only said it to calm me down when I was crying. I feel so pathetic and heartbroken that the guy I love doesn't even care. This is day 1 of no contact... I just wanted some advice. Do you think after one month I should even go back to him? I feel like he doesn't love me and I can't trust him anymore to not hurt me. What can I do to stop myself from contacting him? I just want the pain to stop, it feels like it never will. Thanks.
moonmoon Posted November 24, 2008 Posted November 24, 2008 there are definitely things you could do to make him take you more serious, if you want this thing and its worth fighting for, the fact that he is contacting you every day, is a clear sign that you have some leverage. also, you havent put to much detail about the mechanics of your relationship, but it could be that right now hes trying to make you "pay" for breaking up with him the first time around, im a little too much of a wreck myself to offer you sound advice right now, but you could help us get some insight by putting up more details, and it doesnt sound like hes treating you particularly nice right now, but if you did play things right you could certainly have a shot in a month of having a r'ship.
TeaAbraham Posted November 24, 2008 Posted November 24, 2008 Why did he break up with you? Don't know what to tell you without a little more info. I feel like he doesn't love me and I can't trust him anymore to not hurt me. Your particular situation is unique because you dumped him and then he wanted you back, so he also probably didn't know if he could trust you either. It is good that he is texting you at least. Caring going on there. Or at least loneliness from being without you. But yeah, tell us why he broke up with you, why did he become less involved and less interested?
Author strawberryskies Posted November 24, 2008 Author Posted November 24, 2008 well, he tried really hard to get me back after we broke up which was good. It's not like i wanted him to keep trying as hard, because the first few months when he was being himself were great, then it was like he got too complacent and he never wanted to see me or do anything with me. this would make me upset so i spent a lot of time around him being upset about the fact that he wouldn't go anywhere with me and didn't want to come to my house, we spent most of the time in his room (not necessarily being physical just doing nothing). He broke up with me because he said I was too emotional and that he couldn't handle it anymore and he just wanted to relax and be himself? which is confusing... he said he thought i would be happier without him which i think he just said to feel less guilty about breaking up with me. I definitely dont feel happier. I was only so emotional because I felt like he didn't care and wasn't affected. He would yell at me to stop crying when i was upset and stuff like that, which would make me more upset. thanks for your help guys.
TeaAbraham Posted November 24, 2008 Posted November 24, 2008 So he says the reason is you are too emotional, but he was becoming complacent about your relationship before then. Were you acting very emotionally before he became complacent that might have started things too? At any rate, it sounds like he didn't talk to you about the problem when it started, and he just let it build up inside and it just started escalating until he gets it out by yelling at you. I know the feeling of feeling something is wrong with a relationship and not communicating with the other person about it, and then just becoming complacent. Sometimes when people act like that, as I did, sometimes they don't even know what the problem is. Sounds like he may not know why he was becoming complacent, or he didn't really tell you. Although you have to think back and see if you think there would have been any stimulus for him to become complacent due to "too much" emotions on your part. Basically, is that really the reason, or is that just what he is saying? It sounds like he isn't telling you the whole truth, or perhaps doesn't know it, and he never talked to you about what was bugging him.
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