Ignorant&Innocent Posted November 24, 2008 Posted November 24, 2008 ok so my ex girlfriend really wants me back. She admitted she was wrong for breaking up with me. And she apologized for what she did. I'm a very forgiving person, but I'm not sure if I'm walking right into a trap or not. The whole after she dumped me, I wished she would fall in love with me again just so I could say no (i know it's evil), but now I think I've fallen for her again. Should I get back together with her or not. Any experiences?
SoulSearch_CO Posted November 24, 2008 Posted November 24, 2008 Could you give a brief description of what she did and the circumstances surrounding the breakup? I'm sure it's in your post history, but I'm feeling lazy.
Author Ignorant&Innocent Posted November 24, 2008 Author Posted November 24, 2008 sure. we had been dating for a couple months. Then we were at a church camp for a week. basically she kept flirting with this one guy she knew liked her and she tortured me the whole week. He kept flirting with her, and I would often see them walking with each other and stuff. So I spend the whole time trying to get her attention, and at the end of the week she tells me she never liked the guy, but dumps me anyway. Then she didn't talk to me for a long time. She finally started talking to me a few weeks ago, and now she wants me back.
Author Ignorant&Innocent Posted November 24, 2008 Author Posted November 24, 2008 well she didn't talk to me for like two months. Now she talks to me all the time. Till like 2 in the morning.
SoulSearch_CO Posted November 24, 2008 Posted November 24, 2008 Oh, my. She sounds like a user. She used you, then she used this guy. Do you really want to go through this again with her? She sounds very nonchalant about other people's feelings. That's not cool. I wouldn't be anxious for a second taste, but it's really up to you.
PrincessPeach Posted November 24, 2008 Posted November 24, 2008 When dealing with someone who wants you back after a breakup either take that person back ENTIRELY on your own terms or don't take them back at all. Otherwise they won't respect you, and respect is a requirement of any sort of serious relationship. I'd generally go with not at all. And definitely so in your case. Don't be controlled by her, just cut contact.
JoeNat Posted November 24, 2008 Posted November 24, 2008 Oh, my. She sounds like a user. She used you, then she used this guy. Do you really want to go through this again with her? She sounds very nonchalant about other people's feelings. That's not cool. I wouldn't be anxious for a second taste, but it's really up to you. Run, run fast and hard. She is a selfish girl.
movingonandon Posted November 24, 2008 Posted November 24, 2008 When dealing with someone who wants you back after a breakup either take that person back ENTIRELY on your own terms or don't take them back at all. Otherwise they won't respect you, and respect is a requirement of any sort of serious relationship. I'd generally go with not at all. And definitely so in your case. Don't be controlled by her, just cut contact. Examples please? Whad do you mean by "accepting on my terms"? My ex dumped me after getting emotionally involved with another guy (and after that... you know... all the way). Then 3 months later she says she wants to come back. so far I completely blow her off since i see no evidence of taking responsibility, at least some sort of being sorry, and convincing evidence that she has understood the inadequacy of how she dealt with our problems. So in a sense these are "my terms". But, if a reconciliation happens in the future how could it possibly be a healthy relationship if it is on "my terms" - that's partly why it fell apart in the first place? as for the OP, I would advise the same: try to establish some criteria for yourself to decide whether or not she is trustworthy enough to be given a second chance. Do not let her slide back into your life without some serious reflection from both of you on what and why happened...
PrincessPeach Posted November 24, 2008 Posted November 24, 2008 Examples please? Whad do you mean by "accepting on my terms"? My ex dumped me after getting emotionally involved with another guy (and after that... you know... all the way). Then 3 months later she says she wants to come back. so far I completely blow her off since i see no evidence of taking responsibility, at least some sort of being sorry, and convincing evidence that she has understood the inadequacy of how she dealt with our problems. So in a sense these are "my terms". But, if a reconciliation happens in the future how could it possibly be a healthy relationship if it is on "my terms" - that's partly why it fell apart in the first place? Those are your terms. Basically you shouldn't take them back, just because they want you back or you might want them back, but that there is an understanding of why getting back together is a good idea in light of why it ended in the first place. What have they done to make it different than last time? It isn't you tring to change them (that's not good, and shows a lack of respect for them), but both their's and your willingness to both see that mistakes were made in the past and how to possibly avoid diving right into those mistakes again. It's not meant in a sense to impose rules per se, but for both of you to understand what the other expects. If there is a disagreement, or you suspect there to be a lack of honesty or seriousness between expectations, then you are not holding up your terms and should not get back together. Don't make them change something about them, but if it ended because of something they haven't changed or are willing to change on their own, then you are fooling yourself that it will work the next time around. That was long winded and likely redundant... but there it is.
Dexter Morgan Posted November 24, 2008 Posted November 24, 2008 Should I get back together with her or not. No. She disrespected you big time by spending time with a guy that flirted with her. How do you know later on something else didn't develop between them? I don't date women who would outright disrespect me to flirt with another guy and ignore me. So leave her be and let her flirt with other guys til her heart is content.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 24, 2008 Posted November 24, 2008 I vote no. Taking her back is only going to teach her that she can get away with treating people this way. Not taking her back might teach her a much-needed lesson, and it will keep you from being treated so poorly by her again.
Author Ignorant&Innocent Posted November 25, 2008 Author Posted November 25, 2008 all of you are definitely right. For some reason though, there is some part of me that wants to believe her. I can't make it go away. lol
movingonandon Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 all of you are definitely right. For some reason though, there is some part of me that wants to believe her. I can't make it go away. lol There is nothing wrong with that... (I also want to believe my ex, where things are a lot worse - she actually was, and still might be, with that other guy). It is up to you to decide at what point and whether to believer it, but obviously this is taking a risk. But, people learn and change. I don't believed that anybody should be denied second chance just on principle. But at the same time, second chances should be granted sparingly, so don't make rash decisions. As peach says, think about what constitutes evidence that something has been learned..
Author Ignorant&Innocent Posted November 25, 2008 Author Posted November 25, 2008 wow very nice! that's a great thought.
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