Engaged, No longer long distance and its not going so well..

[ohhmyandrea]

My fiance and I met June of this year.

We clicked so fantastically, I understood him and he understood me.

Fall came around and he went off to school two states away.

 

A couple months and two visits later, I decided I had nothing really keeping me from moving to the city he lives in now.

 

Well, Ive been here for about three weeks.

Lately, Im finding it much more difficult to be here. I moved away from everyone I know and care about to be with him. He however is making my move seem like an inconvenience even though he was the one pushing for it.

 

Unfortunately for me, and not so for him, I moved into an apartment with his bestfriend.

 

He spends a good bit of time with his bestfriend and Its not that I mind so much its just that when its just us two he barely has the energy to do much. But as soon as his friend gets home he has all of this energy to get up and do things.

 

I work throughout the week, mostly mornings and the boys seem to throw all respect out the window.

They throw parties until 4 in the morning, knowing I have to work the next day.

 

They dont even try to tone down the noise.

 

 

My fiance doesnt pay rent here and Im starting to wonder if I should just make him go back to campus and stay there for a few days til he can start to appreciate having me here and start respecting that I have certain responsibilities that Id like to be rested for.

 

 

 

Advice?

[whichwayisup]

You can't make him do anything, but what you can do is tell him how unhappy you are and how disappointed you are in how things are going between you two.

 

Can't ask him to move out, back to residence and then you stay there, living with his bestfriend. If anything, you move out and find your own place, or move back home.

 

Put the engagement on hold - It's obvious that yes, at one time you two clicked, but the dymantic of living with him and his bestfriend isn't helping your relationship, if anything, it's pulling you two apart.

[ohhmyandrea]

I can't ask him to stop coming to the apartment that I pay rent in?

 

How does that make sense?

 

 

 

Not snarky or anything but I really dont understand.

[norajane]

He however is making my move seem like an inconvenience even though he was the one pushing for it.

 

I'm sure he envisioned all the sex he could be having if you were there, so he pushed for it. The reality is, though, that you have a job and you can't party like a college student, and that's cramping his style.

 

You're in two different life phases, and you've only known each other 6 months. I have no idea why you got engaged so quickly, but I'm not seeing this working out for you. By all means, send him back to campus, but that won't change the fundamental issue between you - he's a student and not ready for the kind of lifestyle you have, where you have to work.

 

How long is he going to be a student?

[ohhmyandrea]

Well, hes studying law.

 

I'm thinking.. 6 years?

 

 

I definitely agree, we are in two different places.

Is there anyway to bridge that gap or is this really as doomed as it seems.

[norajane]

Law school is 3 years. If you're expecting him to be in school for 6 years, that means this is his second year of college. Why would he propose to you when he can't even wipe his nose yet, much less be capable of being a husband for years? Why did you accept?

 

I'm sorry, I don't see how this is going to work out.

[ohhmyandrea]

He and I overcame the distance, maybe we thought we could make it through an engagement so young.

 

I apparently am willing to put everything into this relationship.

Im just finding out that he isnt like me when it comes to us.

[whichwayisup]

I can't ask him to stop coming to the apartment that I pay rent in?

 

How does that make sense?

 

No because you are living with HIS bestfriend. Yes you are paying rent but I highly doubt his bestfriend would allow you to dictate that.

 

You two are in different places in your lives and it's affecting how things are now. You really don't know eachother that well, hense the way things are going..