littlelayla Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 anyone out there please help me! I have been seeing my boyfriend for almost 2 years and I love him like crazy! He is affectiionate and cuddly and kisses me all the time, sends me cute texts everyday and sleeps wrapped around me naked all night long - but he wont have sex with me!!! the first three months it was sexually intense and extremely passionate and I was extatic to have found someone whose sex drive could match mine. things changed when he moved in with me and started partying with his friends , drinking heavily and taking drugs. He lost his drive completely and we fought alot, mainly because I started to question his fidelity. i mean how do you go from so much sex to non at all?? All i beleived was that he was seeing somone else. Finally i figured the drugs and the depression that follows were probable causes but that couldnt rule out WHY he was doing this.(he wasnt abusing drugs when we met) I tried many times to break the relationship teling him I was unhappy and his changed behaviour ( he has been violent when drunk) was not what I originally signed up for but he wouldnt leave!! He continually tells me how much he loves me and wants to make things right. He has stopped taking drugs, drinks moderately and now only smokes pot a couple of days a week but I still feel like Im being screwed here! i feel like Im holding up a person that will contantly need it for the rest of his life. Ive explained all this to him but he still wont let the relationship go and leave my home. If this was his place I wouldve left months ago. I love him and always forgive him when he screws up but i know if I wasnt in this position I couldve made the move instead of asking him to. im so angry frustrated and hurt. Ive never cried so much in my life. things are getting better between us and we dont fight so much now but i think we are just runnign away from the problems now. we talk and gently discuss things but still there is no sex. Even when a whole week of laughter and happiness between us occurs I always imagined we would get to the sex...nothing! what is wrong with us?
kashmir Posted November 24, 2008 Posted November 24, 2008 No sex sounds like the least of your worries. I'm pretty liberal as far as people smoking pot, unlike a lot of people who think that smoking pot automatically makes you an undatable loser junkie. But it sounds like your boyfriend takes it too far, and the fact that he gets drunk and violent is really bad too. You simply need to be more firm. Tell him your concerns and let him know that you won't put up with his drug abuse and other abusive behaviors. I don't get the sex thing though. I thought girls love guys who don't care for sex.
whichwayisup Posted November 24, 2008 Posted November 24, 2008 He isn't the guy you fell for, he's a drunk and a drug user now and THAT changes people in a not so good way. Is it possible that he just can't get it up anymore? All the drinking, partying, drugs and depression has caught up to him? Or maybe he has shared needles with someone and doesn't want to give you something. (Hope you've been checked for STD's, just incase) Put your foot down, get him to AA and if he refuses to go, then don't live with him anymore.
Author littlelayla Posted November 24, 2008 Author Posted November 24, 2008 yes ..you are right . The sex is probably an excuse i give myself to break up this relationship. actually the problems lie deeper. i think my boyfriend is weak and has no control over himself and i cannot respect that. perhaps he knows this and therefore lost his desire along with his masculinity . i am a beautifull, strong and extemely sexual and headstrong woman. i have no shortage of admirers but i can only be intimate with a man i have feelings for. I am one girl who certainly cars for sex. thankyou for your advise.
CarrieT Posted November 24, 2008 Posted November 24, 2008 You are mirroring the relationship I just got out of; a three-year relationship where the first year was full of TONS of great, kinky, erotic sex. Then he started drinking (like, first thing in the morning and not stopping!), mushrooms, pot, and anything else that might be presented and the last two years of our relationship were wholly and entirely without sex. I would try and go down on him and he would push me away. Seriously, what 35 year-old guy turns down a blowjob? So I ad two years of hell with tons of fights, drunken bouts, an occasional hospital stay when he had had too much, etc. I broke up with him in July, moved out in August, and now -- four months later -- it still feels raw and new and hurtful. I miss the cuddling more than anything. I miss the affection and waking up with someone you love and who loves you, and the daily contact. But I know I am better without him. And you will be too.
Author littlelayla Posted November 24, 2008 Author Posted November 24, 2008 wow...thankyou. I guess my plea made little enphasis on this VERY impotant part of our relationship- the violence and I thankyou for helping me realise this your relationship sounds so much like what Im going through, less the hostpital stay, but I live in fear of the future and whats in store. I know I shouldnt live in the past but its so hard to not to not hope that things could be as they once were, impossible right? there is only moving forward. thankyou again for sharing your thoughts
edinsvet Posted November 24, 2008 Posted November 24, 2008 I have seen this strange behaviour a few times before with overweight women. The guy wants the company but he just cant do it
elaina Posted November 24, 2008 Posted November 24, 2008 anyone out there please help me! I have been seeing my boyfriend for almost 2 years and I love him like crazy! He is affectiionate and cuddly and kisses me all the time, sends me cute texts everyday and sleeps wrapped around me naked all night long - but he wont have sex with me!!! the first three months it was sexually intense and extremely passionate and I was extatic to have found someone whose sex drive could match mine. things changed when he moved in with me and started partying with his friends , drinking heavily and taking drugs. He lost his drive completely and we fought alot, mainly because I started to question his fidelity. i mean how do you go from so much sex to non at all?? All i beleived was that he was seeing somone else. Finally i figured the drugs and the depression that follows were probable causes but that couldnt rule out WHY he was doing this.(he wasnt abusing drugs when we met) I tried many times to break the relationship teling him I was unhappy and his changed behaviour ( he has been violent when drunk) was not what I originally signed up for but he wouldnt leave!! He continually tells me how much he loves me and wants to make things right. He has stopped taking drugs, drinks moderately and now only smokes pot a couple of days a week but I still feel like Im being screwed here! i feel like Im holding up a person that will contantly need it for the rest of his life. Ive explained all this to him but he still wont let the relationship go and leave my home. If this was his place I wouldve left months ago. I love him and always forgive him when he screws up but i know if I wasnt in this position I couldve made the move instead of asking him to. im so angry frustrated and hurt. Ive never cried so much in my life. things are getting better between us and we dont fight so much now but i think we are just runnign away from the problems now. we talk and gently discuss things but still there is no sex. Even when a whole week of laughter and happiness between us occurs I always imagined we would get to the sex...nothing! what is wrong with us? I'm so sorry. Have you ever thought of asking for help from some recovery group? There are many recovery groups that might help him return to being the cool man you fell in love with... That's what's so sad about drug and alcohol addiction, it maims the real person. He's in there somewhere though...I hope he comes back soon. I understand what you mean... it would be so tragically hard to be in love with a man who couldn't make love. Hopefully he will revive before it's not too late.
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