antrix Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 Hi all, new here, i've read so many posts here, so much great advice on here! So heres my story/vent. Summary, My ex fiance and i were together 7.5years, lived together and engaged for 7years(we never save enough for a wedding), been friends since school, since we were 10! were both 26 now! so we got a lot of history together, when i finally got together with her it seemed like fate, i wont go into but it was some fantastic coincidence and i felt like i had blessed to have finally got my "highschool sweetheart" lol. We both believed it was fate that we got together and we both enjoyed telling our story to people and all of our friends thought we were perfect together. She is my first and only love, and first real relationship, i was her 3rd real relationship and the longest and best. However the last year or so of our relationship kinda went a bit stale, but im sure most couples have ups and downs like that. The problems were that i started taking her for granted, and didnt spent enough time with her, perhaps things that all men in longterms are guilty of? But i also got quite selfish as far as money and didnt contribute as much as her with bills etc. About 5months ago she says shes unhappy and is not sure wether or not we can carry on. So over the next 3 months i work hard on myself, i get a job to get some money in, work as many hours as i can, try to spend more quality time with her and think about myself quite alot and what i had become. Sadly after that 3 months she still said she felt the same and she understood that i was actively trying to fix things but she just couldnt change the way she felt about me since the few months ago, she had already made her mind up but she was just staying around incase she felt different. Basically she really did not wanna leave me but after a while she just couldnt look at me in the same way anymore and she didnt think that i would carry on changing for the better, also she wasnt happy with the way she had changed over the last few years, she felt that she had turned into someone that she isnt, she was bored i guess, shes always resisted "growing up" and doesnt like the fact that all our friends are doing adult things, i.e not going out all week gettin drunk. But i never once stopped her going out with her friends every week, and she did that a lot all the way through the 7yrs, i let her do her own thing because she is very stubborn and shes not very feminin, very strong personality, i guess in some respects we did role reversal, i stayed at home/student and did all the housework etc while she worked fulltime. Anyway about 7 weeks ago she finally said she cant see a way out of this, and the only thing she could do is leave, the whole process took a few weeks, during which we met up, discuss the house etc, in the end i went back to my parents, she kept our house since she could afford it. During those weeks she kept txting me alot makin sure i was ok etc, i didnt reply to many of them. When we met up the few times she seemed more upset than me, she cried more than i did. She said that she cares about me and doesnt want me out of her life ever and we can be friends, i said i dont know about being friends. When i asked her if she still loves me she said she doesnt know, so then i said so you dont then? she seemed surprised by that and tried to defend herself but in the end she just sounded confused and wast sure either way. Of course 7years or so up to this point we both let each other knew we loved each other deeply all the time, which i guess is why its hard to accept that all a sudden over a period of few months she does not love me anymore, people have been tellin me, you just cant stop loving somoene after 7years. So.... we lived together 7years, made plans to marry and have kids in the future, get another house etc. We also intergrated into each others familys well. I stopped showing her the attention,repsect she deserved, i have spent alot of time reading, talkin to people to figure out where i went wrong and ive learnt ALOT from this and how to be in a relationship in the future. She regrets breaking up but she felt that it was the only way she could be happy,i asked her if she didnt wanna be with me? or she just didnt wanna be in a relationship with anyone? She just answered the same answer she kept giving, she couldnt see things changing for the better if we stayed together the only thing to do was break up. The last i checked(1 month ago) she isnt sure wether she still loves me, she admits she still finds me attractive, doesnt hate me or anything, still laughs at all my jokes, shares memories with me and missed me. Been broken up about 7 weeks. We've not seen each other in person for about 3 weeks, had little contact over that time, she initiated almost all of that. Neither of us was unfaithful, we both asked each other before and during the break up, all her prev relationships cheated on her so she left them.Which makes me think that the issues we had werent really that difficult to overcome, she just gave up in the end. She kept txting me now an then for the past few weeks eventually a week or so ago i told her we cant be friends because i want more than that, so i dont wanna see or speak to her right now.I went NC for a week then she has STILL messaged me online to tell me she has found some stuff of mine i left and some mail, all pointless stuff i dont need, she asked me want i wanted to do about them, she started a random conversation but i kept it short, I've still not decided wether i should go round pick the stuff up or get someone else to pick it up. She knows i still love her, although i managed to not do anything desperate, i did tell her i loved her and missed her still twice over the last 7 weeks, which i thought was ok. Shes still living in our house and kept all our pets, surely she is reminded of me everyday, what you think? So my questions to you lovely people are: I've not once asked for another chance yet, ive said i want to make the relationship work during the breakup, but that was over a month ago. Should i ask her if she thinks she would ever want to give us another try in the future? Should i go pickup my pointless items in person or not? Should i now start being more friendly with her, chattin etc, its been 7 weeks.. BUT im really not ready to be just friends yet. And of course.. i DO want her back, ive realised alot of stuff ive done wrong over the years and already made changes, i have tried to go out but sadly for some reason almost all of my friends are busy or cancel on me so its kinda hard to meet new people which isnt helping but i am trying. I've read alot of stories, and talked to alot of couples and turns out couples get back together a lot more than i thought and some of them had much more difficult issues to overcome, but at the end of the day the dumper has to want to get back together and you cant really do anything about that. I thought this was supposed to get easier as time passes but for some reason its gettin harder, its been nearly 2 months and i still miss her as much, is it still too early though i guess, 7.5years of spending everyday together doesnt go away that easy. Currently i think i would be almost scared to see her in person..... i think... i kinda wanna test it though just see her to see how i feel.. but i dont really wanna see her again in person until im really over her OR she wants to see me, but shes so stubborn she probably wont ask me to see her. I guess if she told me that she missed me as much i would feel better, but she hasnt said that yet. But she is a very stubborn woman, even when she did something wrong she would go through with it until SHE realised she made a mistake, thats the kinda person she is.Shes not selfish but she knows when to keep her best interest as priority. All of my/our friends say to me that they think we can fix things up, we were so great together, and after the breakup the little time we spent together with our friends, my friends thought there was still something there and to just have some time apart. Her sister also told me to give her space to sort her head out. But problem is.. how long.. i know no one can really answer this, but i know she does really wanna be friends and chat etc But i dont, and even IF i did say ok lets be friends.. what would she wanna do as friends! watch movies together go out drinking together!? i dont think so.. or does she just wanna say were friends so that when we see each other with our mutual friends we are cool. any comments are welcome, thanks, sorry for the long vent.
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