Danny09 Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 Hello everyone... I am a 42 yo male and found this site with Google. Desperately looking for answers about my gf as I am falling for her hard and learning more about her. As for me, I am a one girl guy. Have always liked it that way. I am hoping someone can give me some insight into what I am going though. As you all know I could fill pages with all the little details but I won't and will put down as much as I can in the shortest space possible. We were friends for 3 years at work. She got divorced a year and a half ago and has 2 daughters. She is somewhat of a serial flirt at work, one of the things she did to me all the time.... ok, I loved it; but know I'm not so sure it's nice for every guy to get a "Hello Handsome.." She had a rough childhood with alot of sex in her teens. Got pregnant at 21 and was in a cycle of throwing out her bofriend and seeing other guys only to have him move back in when she was alone again. Slept with one of her bf's friends and he was even in the wedding party - it was their little secret. Flirted with this guy at another job, an older guy, to the point where he was sending her flowers...she was married at the time. She eventually threw out the boyfriend then husband and filed for divorce and soon began seeing the older gentleman. When this didn't work, she had the hubby move back in and rescinded the divorce. Threw him out again and started dating the older gentleman again.... went through with ther divorce this time. Has an old time before boyfriend of 15 years ago still calling her once in a while. His wife and her are good friends, but she knows nothing about them ever being more than friends, her ex husband never knew either. Now I start seeing her. Learned alot of this recently and it's weirding me out. She seems sincere and straight forward and my heart is bigger than common sense and I want to believe that people grow up and move on to better lives. As for me... I was married and faithful to the same woman for 20 years before my divorce, so this is all new to me. Thank you in advance for taking any/all time to answer this post. Not sure what to do and need some advice!! Need more info just ask.... Have a good night!
Bryanp Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. From what you have written I think you would be an absolute fool to be involved with her. Clearly she is a flirt and has no problem lying and cheating. The bottom line is that you wish to be involved with a train wreck. Wouldn't it be wise to fine someone who shares your beliefs and values? She has a broken moral compass. Why would you settle for this?
Author Danny09 Posted November 24, 2008 Author Posted November 24, 2008 Brian, You have a valid points Brian. Why would I give it a try? Her ex husband was a moron, hardly ever worked, was abusive. The entire time she was married she wasnt running around cheating, however, she did to try to work him out of the picture with that older guy, but I can't say I blame her. SHe was married for 10 years. Unless she's lying about that. Maybe she'll turn on me eventually. Says she had laid off the serial flirt action, etc... She seems genuine. I want it to work. I posted this question so I'd get brutally honest answers so flame away.
shockandawed Posted November 24, 2008 Posted November 24, 2008 I think you summed it all up when you said you have a heart bigger than common sense. I am not slamming you, I completely understand what you are going through. I am in a very similar situation. Like you, I was married for nearly 20 years with no games or drama until the very end. I have been divorced for 5 years and two years from my last serious relationship. About 4 months ago I met a girl who has grabbed my heart hard. The thing is that there are enough red flags that most logical people would tell me to run fast. When I first came to this board, there was a poster who referred to himself as Captain Save a Ho. He had identified he was a fixer and kept falling hard for the really screwed up chicks. He would go out with normal girls and feel nothing. When he found a messed up one, he would blow past all the warnings and red flags only to end up crushed in the end. Unfortunately, I don't have any real advise for you. Like I said, my logical side would agree that you need to run, however, I know that is not possible. I just wanted to let you know there are others out here in very similar situations. Best of luck and keep posting.
Author Danny09 Posted November 25, 2008 Author Posted November 25, 2008 Shock, Fix a Ho.. now that made me smile. Guess we're in a tough spot. She seems absolutely sincere when we talk about things. She may have been nuts in the past but I think she wouldnt try to screw me over. We were close friends for years. What I think she wants is a non-jerk around for once. Maybe she's a fix-a-jerk use to be. Hell, I could go on and on rationalizing why I want her around and can't seem to let her go. Yes, the red flags are there, but I am placing bets that she wants to turn her life around and be with me. People can learn and grow right? Only the guys will touch this one! The Sister Hood stands silent. I'd like to say more but not in a forum like this...
reservoirdog1 Posted November 28, 2008 Posted November 28, 2008 He would go out with normal girls and feel nothing. When he found a messed up one, he would blow past all the warnings and red flags only to end up crushed in the end. You know what's so tricky about the messed up ones? They're usually great in bed. That's what keeps us there. Been there, done that. Bryan took the words out of my mouth. I think a lot of people getting involved with partners who have pasts full of cheating and deception figure "it'll be different with me." I don't believe that it's impossible for a person to change. But I'd be pretty hesitant to get involved with somebody like that. Past behaviour is no guarantee of future behaviour, but why take the risk? There are lots of women out there who DON'T have pasts full of cheating and lies.
Untouchable_Fire Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 Shock, Fix a Ho.. now that made me smile. Guess we're in a tough spot. She seems absolutely sincere when we talk about things. She may have been nuts in the past but I think she wouldnt try to screw me over. We were close friends for years. What I think she wants is a non-jerk around for once. Maybe she's a fix-a-jerk use to be. Hell, I could go on and on rationalizing why I want her around and can't seem to let her go. Yes, the red flags are there, but I am placing bets that she wants to turn her life around and be with me. People can learn and grow right? Only the guys will touch this one! The Sister Hood stands silent. I'd like to say more but not in a forum like this... Do you plan to marry her right off the bat? Hey, it's a risk, but if your not dating anyone else I don't see why you can't date her. Be very wary though. Women to like Jerkoffs, will find decent guys attractive, but only for a time. You will start to get boring after 5 or 10 years. So, be very upfront and say that marriage is a long time away for you, and that a prenup would be required. If she runs... then she doesn't have a long term interest in you.
Gremio Posted December 2, 2008 Posted December 2, 2008 The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. From what you have written I think you would be an absolute fool to be involved with her. Clearly she is a flirt and has no problem lying and cheating. The bottom line is that you wish to be involved with a train wreck. Wouldn't it be wise to fine someone who shares your beliefs and values? She has a broken moral compass. Why would you settle for this? I absolutely agree. People don't change. I've experienced the consequences first hand.
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