"____/Spookie" meeting on monday in location TBD

[Cherry Blossom 35]

I can't wait to hear what happens. Good luck! Get some sleep tonight!

[SoulSearch_CO]

Man, I can't wait to read the update on this one. LOL

[spookie]

Is probably some bs.

 

Don't worry about it.

 

Yup. This is what happened. He took me aside to talk to me about my performance appraisal.

 

We to a quiet room and sat on a couch.

 

He said I was doing fantastic. Then he talked about setting more time aside to talk, and I agreed, and he underscored, once again, that I'll be staying in his department - wooptydoo - unless I have some objections.

 

It was my cue to pipe up, "Yes, Jack, I do have an objection. I'm severely in love with you. Let's start a family," but I faked a smile (dying inside) and only whispered, "Of course not."

 

When I'm with Jack, I feel like I'm floating on a cloud. When I am not, I feel like I'm trudging through snow in subfreezing conditions, uphill.

 

For the rest of the day, I proceeded to sulk.

 

But then I came home to silence but for the noise of ANTS rustling the food wrappers I leave around my sink and the sight of a colony demolishing my kitchen, and I realized, I am relieved.

 

Because, just cause I've been able to pay my rent for 6 months, does NOT mean I'm not nuts. I'm a freaking interpersonal, intropersonal, emotional, reckless mess.

 

I let my car go without an oil change for 16,000 miles.

 

Who does that? I'll tell you: Crazy people.

 

And I like Bill so much, it would be a shame to subject him to this. Giving him no choice but to judge, if not despise me.

 

I really need some time to be alone. Maybe I need to start seeing a therapist.

 

It's just hard to remember sometimes that you're too nuts for love.

[underpants]

I let my car go without an oil change for 16,000 miles.

 

Who does that? I'll tell you: Crazy people.

 

I let mine go for like 80k miles without an oil change.

 

Of course it was a gimmie car that I abused with abandon. I was 24. Toyotas are really good cars.

 

Let me tell you what happens after 80k miles without an oil change. Something about "blowing an engine rod". i.e. The car dies.

 

Suffice to say I get the oil changed every 3-5k miles now.

 

I realize you have a crush on your boss. Yet I think this could be a delightful distraction from things you acknowledge that you need to address about you. Not to mention the added bonus of self sabatoge.

 

So work on you Spooks. When you find yourself more accompolished and that inner happiness starts to fill you. You will find some awesome opportunities all around you.

 

You are too creative, smart, pretty and young not to have the world be your oyster.

 

Get cracking.

[johan]

Yup. This is what happened. He took me aside to talk to me about my performance appraisal.

 

Someone mentioned this might be the topic. Can't remember who...

 

It was my cue to pipe up, "Yes, Jack, I do have an objection. I'm severely in love with you. Let's start a family," but I faked a smile (dying inside) and only whispered, "Of course not."

 

When I'm with Jack, I feel like I'm floating on a cloud. When I am not, I feel like I'm trudging through snow in subfreezing conditions, uphill.

 

Jack? Whoa, I didn't realize it was Jack you were all wound up about. Jack? Really? Isn't he a little sarcastic? Isn't he the one who collects dolls? What's with you and guys whose names start with J anyway?

[spookie]

Someone mentioned this might be the topic. Can't remember who...

 

 

 

Jack? Whoa, I didn't realize it was Jack you were all wound up about. Jack? Really? Isn't he a little sarcastic? Isn't he the one who collects dolls? What's with you and guys whose names start with J anyway?

 

Jealous it hasn't been your turn?

[SoulSearch_CO]

You, poor girl, are driving yourself crazy with this whole thing. In your case, it might be a good idea to request a transfer for sanity's sake. Doing nothing and just sitting by while this eats you up isn't helping anybody. One day you may end up going postal, or something. You know what your situation reminds me of, though? Bridget Jones. To quote the movie, you might want to do SOMETHING before: "I suddenly realized that unless some thing changed soon I was going to live a life where my major relationship was with a bottle of wine and I'd finally die fat and alone and be found three weeks later, half-eaten by wild dogs. or I was about to turn into glenn close in 'fatal attraction'." Be afraid - be very afraid.

 

I'm confused...is it Bill or Jack? LOL I realize both are pseudonyms, but I wasn't sure if there was a second guy or just a name change.

[spookie]

I let mine go for like 80k miles without an oil change.

 

Of course it was a gimmie car that I abused with abandon. I was 24. Toyotas are really good cars.

 

Let me tell you what happens after 80k miles without an oil change. Something about "blowing an engine rod". i.e. The car dies.

 

Suffice to say I get the oil changed every 3-5k miles now.

 

I realize you have a crush on your boss. Yet I think this could be a delightful distraction from things you acknowledge that you need to address about you. Not to mention the added bonus of self sabatoge.

 

So work on you Spooks. When you find yourself more accompolished and that inner happiness starts to fill you. You will find some awesome opportunities all around you.

 

You are too creative, smart, pretty and young not to have the world be your oyster.

 

Get cracking.

 

Thanks underpants.

 

In my moments of clarity, I understand all the things I need to be doing and don't need to be doing, but usually.... I'm so lonely I compromise myself, and my best interests, just to find some spark.

 

Otherwise, I get so overwhelmed by the... pointlessness of it all.

 

In these moments of clarity, I know I need a long-term view and more patience.

[spookie]

You, poor girl, are driving yourself crazy with this whole thing. In your case, it might be a good idea to request a transfer for sanity's sake. Doing nothing and just sitting by while this eats you up isn't helping anybody. One day you may end up going postal, or something. You know what your situation reminds me of, though? Bridget Jones. To quote the movie, you might want to do SOMETHING before: "I suddenly realized that unless some thing changed soon I was going to live a life where my major relationship was with a bottle of wine and I'd finally die fat and alone and be found three weeks later, half-eaten by wild dogs. or I was about to turn into glenn close in 'fatal attraction'." Be afraid - be very afraid.

 

I'm confused...is it Bill or Jack? LOL I realize both are pseudonyms, but I wasn't sure if there was a second guy or just a name change.

 

Carp... I forgot which name I was using. =) It's the same guy.

[spookie]

You, poor girl, are driving yourself crazy with this whole thing. In your case, it might be a good idea to request a transfer for sanity's sake. Doing nothing and just sitting by while this eats you up isn't helping anybody. One day you may end up going postal, or something. You know what your situation reminds me of, though? Bridget Jones. To quote the movie, you might want to do SOMETHING before: "I suddenly realized that unless some thing changed soon I was going to live a life where my major relationship was with a bottle of wine and I'd finally die fat and alone and be found three weeks later, half-eaten by wild dogs. or I was about to turn into glenn close in 'fatal attraction'." Be afraid - be very afraid.

 

I'm confused...is it Bill or Jack? LOL I realize both are pseudonyms, but I wasn't sure if there was a second guy or just a name change.

 

Oh God. I'm going to go home and watch that movie, fat and alone, with my bottle of wine.

 

What I really should have said when he asked me if I had any objections (to staying in his department) is "Yes, as exciting is the world of individual life insurance, I have always been intrigued with health. It's been my lifelong ambition to be a health pricing actuary. Is there any way I can go work downstairs?"

[underpants]

In a way I think we are a little kindred with a strange time machine called the internet.

 

I used to think I would not live past 25, so I basically did alot of stupid stuff and neglected some things I should not have.

 

Now staring down the barrel of 40. I realize that perhaps some of my antics, while fun were a bit of a time waster.

 

You don't have to fix it all today Spooks. One little step at a time. I've read your progress over the last year. I'm so proud of you. You have come so far and I think that is great, for you.

 

You are an intelligent and creative person. I have no doubt you will carve out a niche that caters to all you want and will give towards your future.

 

I'm rooting for you.

[johan]

Oh, so it's Bill. Well, he's ok, although he does seem to have a dark side that he lets out occasionally. In between jokes. Like he's planning something, and it's not going to be good.

 

And, of course, I'd welcome it if you sent some crush vibes my way. I wish there was some cute girl within driving distance who felt butterflies when I'm around. Or maybe someone I felt butterflies for. I should probably just go dig a hole in my back yard and go lie in it.

[Meet 4 Coffee]

I think you are probably exaggerating your feelings for this guy. It doesn't appear as if he is thinking along those lines at all.

[spookie]

I think you are probably exaggerating your feelings for this guy. It doesn't appear as if he is thinking along those lines at all.

 

No s!ht. Did I mention I was nuts?

 

I was thinking out loud the other day, and WHY I feel this way about Bill came to light.

 

I think I'm pretty good at predicting how people are in bed, and the fantasy-sex is INCREDIBLE.

[Ariadne]

He took me aside... We to a quiet room and sat on a couch. He said I was doing fantastic. Then he talked about setting more time aside to talk

 

It sounds like Jack is hitting on you.

 

Another one that you got (but in this case seems like the is the one who got lucky).

 

And about your love for Jack , addicted person you are.

[IrishCarBomb]

At some point, won't it help to be honest with yourself and admit that you really aren't all that weird, and that any mistakes you made can be forgiven? Unless you enjoy convincing yourself that you're crazy, then by all means continue (just be prepared to deal with the consequences of such a mentality).

[Cherry Blossom 35]

First of all, congratulations on the POSITIVE performance evaluation.

 

So, you weren't getting fired. I didn't think so. Awesome.

 

I have a long standing crush on someone I just saw tonight, so I understand. He gives me so many hints, but never follows through.

 

I have had to learn to enjoy the "relationship" for what it is. Sometimes I want more. Tonight, I wanted more. But I know there is no "more". I know he has feelings for me, but they are not enough to overcome the barriers. I think that this is probably the case with Jack. He is attracted to you, he likes you, but it is not enough to overcome the constraints of the professional relationship.

 

So the question is... how can you learn to enjoy his interest without wanting more? Difficult, isn't it. But isn't that what you have to do at this point? I mean really, are you going to ask for a transfer? Do you really think you will do that? If so, then it is time to start planning this out. If not, then you have to find a way to live with this situation. Those are really your two choices.

[BlueEyedGirl]

I fully agree with CB. He likes you but not enough to risk anything. Key word here is enough. Love in itself is irrational and if he felt as strongly for you as you do for him, he wouldn't be able to hold back. I'm not sure what he would do if you made a move though.

 

I think that unrequited love situations and "fantasy relationships" are not all negative and can be enjoyed as long as you are aware of what the reality is and are not actively depressed about it.

[spookie]

I fully agree with CB. He likes you but not enough to risk anything. Key word here is enough. Love in itself is irrational and if he felt as strongly for you as you do for him, he wouldn't be able to hold back. I'm not sure what he would do if you made a move though.

 

I think that unrequited love situations and "fantasy relationships" are not all negative and can be enjoyed as long as you are aware of what the reality is and are not actively depressed about it.

 

The thing is... I have been depressed about it. REALLY REALLY depressed. To the point where I'm lying on my bed crying every day after work because how perfect he feels in my head for me, how much I miss him.

 

It's completely insane.

 

I think the lesson I was suppposed to learn during my phase as a stripper is that... good decisions pay off. So does patience. And it's important to have yourself figured out so you're not PLOTTING to seduce anyone. It just happens. As a consequence of your life.

 

So... instead of stalking him at his gym tonight, a move that MIGHT have led to something (destructive) happening...

 

... I smoked a couple joints and came here instead.

[shadowplay]

what happened with the meeting???

[spookie]

I fully agree with CB. He likes you but not enough to risk anything. Key word here is enough. Love in itself is irrational and if he felt as strongly for you as you do for him, he wouldn't be able to hold back. I'm not sure what he would do if you made a move though.

 

I think that unrequited love situations and "fantasy relationships" are not all negative and can be enjoyed as long as you are aware of what the reality is and are not actively depressed about it.

 

The thing is... I have been depressed about it. REALLY REALLY depressed. To the point where I'm lying on my bed crying every day after work because how perfect he feels in my head for me, how much I miss him.

 

It's completely insane.

 

I think the lesson I was suppposed to learn during my phase as a stripper is that... good decisions pay off. So does patience. And it's important to have yourself figured out so you're not PLOTTING to seduce anyone, to have the belief that it will just happen, as a consequence of who you are.

 

I mean... what am I scared of?

 

That he'll meet someone else before I can leave because I WANT to.

 

But if it was real true love... he woudln't have just married someone else, with me under his nose. And if he did, he's not the kind of guy I'd want anyway.

 

This logic keeps me going.

 

So... instead of stalking him at his gym tonight,

 

... I'm here. I'm going to work on some spreadsheets.

[spookie]

what happened with the meeting???

 

It was just about some bs work thing. Nothing exciting. "Catching up," for most of which I was silent, cause I was scared to reveal how upset I was (that I wasn't getting a transfer.)

[spookie]

I DO kind of have options.

 

I have some leeway with the transfer.

 

I could go in tomorrow and say, "Jack, I've really loved working for you, and I would be perfectly happy to stay in universal life, but ever since I started at ___, I've really wanted to work on the health side of things. Since I'm finally going to be hired officially in a few weeks, I was just wondering if I had any options re: where I end up."

 

He would think I was crazy, for thinking health and life are all that different... but because he likes me AS A TEAM MEMBER AND CO-WORKER, first and foremost, but also because he has a little crush, he'd probably put some effort in to get me transfered.

 

I CWOULD make it happen.

 

But then what?

 

He might ask me out.

 

And then?

 

He'd realize how fcvking nuts I am.

 

And that would be even worse than what I have now.

[spookie]

Although, there's the tiny part of me that hopes that he asks me out, and we're so right for each other, it doens't matter where we are in life. Or where we've been, either.

 

He likes me enough to be fond of my immaturities. (Let's start with: I take two hits before I get out of bed each morning and "insect infestation" is the big theme of my life.) He keeps me stimulated. I turn him on.

 

We fit right.

 

But what are the chances?

 

I see it in his eyes, but I don't really trust my vision.

[Trialbyfire]

spook, you're driving yourself nuts over this. He's your immediate boss. Stay away. It could easily turn ugly.

 

Guys have egos, particularly middle management types.