Lost

[Lost119]

Hello, I'm new here and I'm to the point that I don't know what to do anymore. Here is a little background.

 

A few years ago I was engaged to a great guy, had a house together and we're planning on building a life together. We were six years apart and we started turning into friends and roommates. I met a guy I was going to school with and we got along great. He was smart, ex. military, funny, good looking. We ended up getting together and I ended my relationship, sold my house and thought I had finally found happiness. During this time I did break up with him several times. I couldn't get over my guilt of what I had done to my ex. even though he didn't know. During one of our separations as bf and gf he started to see someone else and made sure I knew about it. He knows I'm a jealous type and I begged him to come back to me. He did. We were together for 4 months, no problems and he was still friends with this girl that he saw all the time that he had started to see after we had broken up the one time and my jealously got out of control and he was contemplating breaking up with me. He decided to give me another chance and we never broke up again. Instead we decided to get married. So, 3 months later, we got married. It started as a joke and snowballed. Families got involved and even when we got married we both thought we weren't ready, this we finally admitted recently.

 

We moved in with one another, he had no job and I kept on him to get one. Finally did after a few months. He drinks a fair amount, plays video games and seems more like child at times then an ex. intelligence analyst. We started fighting and not spending as much time together. He started to drink more, twice he drank liquor and got verbally abusive with me. After the second time I couldn't get it out of my head. I was hurt. I was in a physical/mentally abusive relationship for 4 years in my past and I couldn't get past what he had said to me. He told me he didn't like me, that I was selfish, that I MADE him get a job when he didn't need one right away. He said that he hasn't been happy in 5 years and he didn't think he ever would be. He was leaving he said. This happened both times he got really drunk and I stopped him from leaving because I didn't want him to drive. I would have let him leave if he was sober.

 

A few weeks ago I told him that we should live apart and we separated. Not even 6 months into the marriage. He was hurt and he said he would leave. He went back to live with his parents for the time. He told me he was happier. He said he prefers being alone and having time to himself. We see each other a couple times a week. However, last weekend I spent the weekend with him and he said he was sad to see me go,but was happy to be along and have his time after I did leave. Then, three days later he tells me he is hurt again that I "kicked him out" and "made him leave". Now he is making this all my fault. I know I have blame in some of it but so does he and he thinks he didn't do anything wrong. I talk to him and he turns everything into a fight. Today I called him to see how he was doing, everything started out fine and then he started going on about how I hurt him again and that it's all my fault. The argument got a little heated and he told me to just file for divorce and send him the papers. I didn't really respond to that and we fought a little more. I told him that I did resent the fact that he tells me about this beautiful red head at work that he walks by because she is so hot and checks to see if she is working. I told him if he is trying to make me jealous it won't work and that a husband shouldn't be coming home to tell his wife about this woman and how beautiful she is and how he can't take his eyes off of her. We fought more and finally he said "thanks for calling and ruining the rest of my weekend" and hung up on me. I didn't call him back, he didn't call me back. It's been 5 hours and I'm so irritated by it. I don't know what to do. I don't want to live my life in a marriage like this. I'm tired of taking all the blame. I am just so confused and lost and I have no idea what direction I should go in.

 

I'm sorry for the long version of this and I hope it makes sense. I am so annoyed my fingers just started typing like crazy.

 

Thanks for listening...

[Lost119]

Are you saying you had an affair after six ears?

 

 

Are you talking about with my ex boyfriend? Yes, I did cheat on him with my now husband. We were together for 7 years and we drifted apart. I haven't cheated on my husband.