electriclove Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 Ok, so I've been having a really bad time of it at the moment. I've spent pretty much the whole day crying in bed and my mind has been torturing me. I can't stop replaying the break up and analsying everything over and over. More than anything I can't stop blaming myself My ex broke things off with me because he said he couldn't take the falling out anymore and couldn't see a future with me. But I just can't stop beating myself up over the break up because I feel like I pushed him away all the time. I would pick fights over the stupidest things, that in retrospect don't even matter now, and could be controlling. I've always had trust issues with people, having been burnt badly in the past but I had no reason not to trust him. He was a great boyfriend, which I think makes it that much harder. A lot of people's advice seems to be to keep focusing on the ex's bad qualities, but to be honest he really didn't have that many. Sure, he wasn't perfect but I realise now that I could have lived with his faults. I find it ironic that when we were going out a lot of his character traits irritated the hell out of me, but they all seem so irrelevant now. It's been 2 weeks since I last rang him and we had a really nice conversation. We talked about normal things and I didn't really bring up the break up. I just told him that I missed him and was finding it difficult. I know everyone advocates NC and playing it cool, and I do agree with it to some extent. But that day when I rang him, I was feeling so low and for me personally I felt like it was the right thing to do at the time. I'm not one for playing games and I'm not ashamed of feeling the way I do and admitting I'm struggling. I actually felt better for ringing him because I realised that he's having a hard time of it too. He hasn't changed his life dramatically since breaking up with me, isn't seeing anyone else that I know of and has admitted that not one day goes by where he doesn't question whether he has made the right decision to end things. I asked him if he could ever see a time in the future when maybe we might be together again and he said he would never rule it out. Yes, it was a stupid question to ask but if you don't ask you'll never know. It did raise my hopes up but over the past 2 weeks they've slowly come crashing down. He's not made any real effort to contact me since the break up over a month and a half ago. He's rung me once and texted me a couple of times. One of the texts was just asking for some of his stuff back that's still at my house! So, part of me doesn't know whether he just told me that to make me feel better. I just think that giving someone false hope is a cruel thing to do, but maybe he doesn't even know that he's giving me hope. His emotional IQ was never that high. I've been battling with myself all weekend not to contact him. It doesn't help that I'm getting conflicting advice. My parents think I should ring him and let him know how I feel because he might be feeling the same way, but then I already did that 2 weeks ago and if he felt the same wouldn't he ring me? Nothing has changed, I still miss him and I still want to make a go of things I know the majority of people on LS advocate NC and I agree with it for now. It's just a classic case of the head vs the heart. A lot of people on here say that if the ex really did want reconcilliation then they would get in contact and let you know, but what about if they are too proud? What about if they think too much damage has been done? My ex hasn't just hurt me, he's hurt my entire family and he knows this. They brought him into the fold of the family and accepted him. He practically lived at my house and even had holidays paid for him! But at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter what my family think because this is about me and him...no one else. I'm a bit sick of third parties interfering to be honest. I know my ex was influenced by his family and friends when deciding to break up, it wasn't entirely his decsion and that angers me so much! But that's a whole other can of worms lol
Recommended Posts