Isolde Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 I guess this is sort of a poll thing, but what do you personally think factors more into attraction, on a dating/relationship level? -Similarities? The narcissist factor--wanting your kids to look like/act like/think like you on some level, and therefore going for someone that reminds you of aspects of yourself. -Differences? Balancing out your imperfections and widening the gene pool. Example: in the other post MNguy said he was 6'4 and lots of really tiny women liked him, presumably because they didn't want short sons. Most of the scientific "studies" say that people really look more for similarities, but this definitely isn't true of me, either on physical or personality levels. Not to say I go for my complete opposite, that would just not work. I've always thought it was important that a couple have strengths and weaknesses that add up properly. I'm firmly convinced this is the only reason my parents (two VERY different people) have been married for thirty years (almost forty if you count the time since they met!) I don't tend to take this stuff too seriously as attraction is incredibly complex and varied, but it is always fun to exchange opinions.
ipetree Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 Of course this is not PC today, but I feel people of the most similar ethnic background make the best mates. Not built on lust, but a mutual, deeper connection.
Author Isolde Posted November 23, 2008 Author Posted November 23, 2008 Well, my family certainly would not bear your theory out My parents come from very different countries/backgrounds and have been married (fairly happily) for, like, since the last Ice Age. On the other hand, I tend to relate well to guys that are from my mom's region of the world, but not my dad's. Which would sort of support your theory, but not entirely.
alphamale Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 I don't tend to take this stuff too seriously as attraction is incredibly complex and varied, but it is always fun to exchange opinions. chemistry between two people on a physical, emotional and mental level is an extrememly subjective thing and cannot be made into a math equation...
Author Isolde Posted November 23, 2008 Author Posted November 23, 2008 chemistry between two people on a physical, emotional and mental level is an extrememly subjective thing and cannot be made into a math equation... Of course, I just think it's fun to talk about. Especially since I don't have a crush at the moment. Cut me some slack for once
alphamale Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 Of course, I just think it's fun to talk about. what exactly is there to talk about? it is either there or it isn't
Trialbyfire Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 I'm more of the school of thought that people tend to look for similarities to their parents, if they get along with them. If they don't, they'll be looking for someone completely opposite looking but many times, will find themselves with someone who treats them the same way. Comfort zone, et al. I'm Daddy's little princess and have always been. In retrospect, I find myself attracted to men who are similar to my father, long, lean, fit, attractive, intelligent, polished and charming. My father's a wonderful man in that he treats his loved ones like gold and spoils them attrociously. This doesn't mean he's a pushover. He's one seriously tough cookie. He'll bury an enemy with no remorse.
Author Isolde Posted November 23, 2008 Author Posted November 23, 2008 what exactly is there to talk about? it is either there or it isn't The purpose of this thread is to debate the different theories of attraction. You don't have to participate if you find it pointless...
Author Isolde Posted November 23, 2008 Author Posted November 23, 2008 I'm more of the school of thought that people tend to look for similarities to their parents, if they get along with them. If they don't, they'll be looking for someone completely opposite looking but many times, will find themselves with someone who treats them the same way. Comfort zone, et al. I'm Daddy's little princess and have always been. In retrospect, I find myself attracted to men who are similar to my father, long, lean, fit, attractive, intelligent, polished and charming. My father's a wonderful man in that he treats his loved ones like gold and spoils them attrociously. This doesn't mean he's a pushover. He's one seriously tough cookie. He'll bury an enemy with no remorse. I think there's some truth to women being attracted to people like their fathers, but it wouldn't work if he were too much like my dad, because as much as I *adore* my dad, our mindsets are basically polar opposites! I like both my parents a lot, but can't imagine wanting to date someone that was too much like them.
alphamale Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 The purpose of this thread is to debate the different theories of attraction. You don't have to participate if you find it pointless... debate away...you're not going to get any additional insight on the subject
Author Isolde Posted November 23, 2008 Author Posted November 23, 2008 debate away...you're not going to get any additional insight on the subject I like hearing what other people have to say, even if their opinions differ from my own. I find it stimulating. I realize that you don't care for my posts in general, but I don't see why you need to be contrary when you could simply ignore them. It's not like I'm posting something completely inane, or offensive.
Trialbyfire Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 I think there's some truth to women being attracted to people like their fathers, but it wouldn't work if he were too much like my dad, because as much as I *adore* my dad, our mindsets are basically polar opposites! I like both my parents a lot, but can't imagine wanting to date someone that was too much like them. Look at your mother and father. They're also polar opposites. Just wait and see. Give yourself another 10 years and in retrospect, you might also find the same thing, whether it's looks or how they treat you!
monkey00 Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 Of course this is not PC today, but I feel people of the most similar ethnic background make the best mates. Not built on lust, but a mutual, deeper connection. I agree with that, which is why most people date within their own race. But aside from race, I think the similarities thing matters most. Not necessarily physical, but it could be intellectual/personality. I've seen some couples that look almost strikingly alike that they could be mistaken for siblings - which is the extreme case of similarity. In retrospect, I think it depends on the persons involved. Some need differences to balance them and some need similarities to build that deep connection. Who knows, attraction is will always remain a mystery. Don't forget pheromones..
Author Isolde Posted November 23, 2008 Author Posted November 23, 2008 Look at your mother and father. They're also polar opposites. Just wait and see. Give yourself another 10 years and in retrospect, you might also find the same thing, whether it's looks or how they treat you! TBF, now you're just creeping me out! The thought!
Trialbyfire Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 TBF, now you're just creeping me out! The thought! Hell, if I could find a man just like my Dad, I would so marry him!
Author Isolde Posted November 23, 2008 Author Posted November 23, 2008 I agree with that, which is why most people date within their own race. But aside from race, I think the similarities thing matters most. Not necessarily physical, but it could be intellectual/personality. I've seen some couples that look almost strikingly alike that they could be mistaken for siblings - which is the extreme case of similarity. In retrospect, I think it depends on the persons involved. Some need differences to balance them and some need similarities to build that deep connection. Who knows, attraction is will always remain a mystery. Don't forget pheromones.. I don't think I could ever be attracted to someone who looked like my brother. I find its already rare for me to be attracted to guys who share simply my hair color *shrugs* BTW, what about mixed race people? Are they supposed to date other mixed race people too? What if you were half Lithuanian and half Eskimo? Wouldn't you be in trouble then?
johan Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 Hell, if I could find a man just like my Dad, I would so marry him! Is your dad a 43-year-old with Indian heritage? If so, there is someone you should meet.
Author Isolde Posted November 23, 2008 Author Posted November 23, 2008 Hell, if I could find a man just like my Dad, I would so marry him! Well, if he treated me like my dad and had the smarts of my dad, that would be really nice actually. I just wouldn't go for someone who looked like my dad, merely because that would be creepy, my dad looks good for his age but yuck!
Trialbyfire Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 Is your dad a 43-year-old with Indian heritage? If so, there is someone you should meet. Ha...I wonder who you mean? Well, if he treated me like my dad and had the smarts of my dad, that would be really nice actually. I just wouldn't go for someone who looked like my dad, merely because that would be creepy, my dad looks good for his age but yuck! Oh I don't mean exact looks. Yes, that would be creepy. Generalized looks of course!
monkey00 Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 BTW, what about mixed race people? Are they supposed to date other mixed race people too? What if you were half Lithuanian and half Eskimo? Wouldn't you be in trouble then? Not at all, sometimes people allow their ethnicity to hold them back and some embrace assimilation fully that they blend in easily. But no matter the case, I know individuals whether mixed or minority who somehow usually find difficulty in fitting in with specific groups. It could just be a personal challenge for themselves to figure out where they belong in society. Though personally I find mixed people to be ahead of the curb. They reason more about life, themselves, of others, and situations because of the challenges they face. Rather than someone who belongs to a specific ethnic group just so easily fits in and goes about life without working much to 'fit in'. I'm probably going off topic, but the point is anybody can find the right someone. It's how you look at the cup: Do you find similarities in your differences or differences in your similarities?
Author Isolde Posted November 23, 2008 Author Posted November 23, 2008 It's how you look at the cup: Do you find similarities in your differences or differences in your similarities? Wow, that's so deep it makes my head spin. I think I kind of know what you mean though. Do you see potential in differences or do you see barriers in similarities?
MN randomguy Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 Cool that I inspired this thread I think as far as beliefs we want the same as ourselves. Last GF has a social work degree, shuns capitalism, rewarding people for their strengths, all into taking care of vicitms. I'm a Libertarian. It irritated me. A friend told me we wouldn't last through the election and we didn't:laugh: Physically, like in the other thread, we want to fill in our preceived weaknesses. My roomie is Mexican and ONLY dates Scandinavian looking blond blue eyed women. I guess it's pretty common among Latin guys. It's also a large part of the reason for him to stay in MN. Then, of course the local women fall all over the "latin lover" they find in him.
monkey00 Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 Wow, that's so deep it makes my head spin. I think I kind of know what you mean though. Do you see potential in differences or do you see barriers in similarities? bingo. I think the foundation of attraction requires chemistry. I've dated girls where we have a lot in common, but have no chemistry..zapped. And I've dated girls where there were lots of chemistry, but little in common. If I had to choose, I'd choose the latter because it gives us a fighting chance to learn from each other over time..and from that you gain friendship and trust - but to each their own. Everyone is different.
Author Isolde Posted November 23, 2008 Author Posted November 23, 2008 bingo. I think the foundation of attraction requires chemistry. I've dated girls where we have a lot in common, but have no chemistry..zapped. And I've dated girls where there were lots of chemistry, but little in common. If I had to choose, I'd choose the latter because it gives us a fighting chance to learn from each other over time..and from that you gain friendship and trust - but to each their own. Everyone is different. I agree with you that tons in common isn't necessary--to the extent that the beliefs/values aren't too different. Again using my parents as an example, what overcame their differences was the fact that their core values are fairly similar. If I wanted to date a carbon copy of myself, I'd date myself. I think it's so exciting how people can learn more about the world (and themselves) via a relationship.
Author Isolde Posted November 23, 2008 Author Posted November 23, 2008 Cool that I inspired this thread I think as far as beliefs we want the same as ourselves. Last GF has a social work degree, shuns capitalism, rewarding people for their strengths, all into taking care of vicitms. I'm a Libertarian. It irritated me. A friend told me we wouldn't last through the election and we didn't:laugh: Physically, like in the other thread, we want to fill in our preceived weaknesses. My roomie is Mexican and ONLY dates Scandinavian looking blond blue eyed women. I guess it's pretty common among Latin guys. It's also a large part of the reason for him to stay in MN. Then, of course the local women fall all over the "latin lover" they find in him. I think you might very well be right. I've known people who overcome political differences, but usually the core beliefs weren't that far apart, whereas you and your ex had differences in your entire worldview, not just politics. Yes, this all makes sense. And yes, I think physical complementarity is something that many people are really into, although there's an equal number who don't really care about it.
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