Lights Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 I've been having trouble getting any form of response from women I've been attempting to meet. In the event that I get an actual response, how do I tell what I'm doing correctly? (This hasn't happened anytime recently, but at the moment I lack both the ability to learn from mistakes and the ability to identify what does work during successful situations, so I suspect this will be important to learn for future use.)
PrincessPeach Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 Can you tell us what it is you are doing in these successful or unsuccessful situations? That way we can get a better idea of how to guide you or what you should be looking for in the situation to gauge interest/disinterest.
Lovelybird Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 What did you do? you didn't tell us I don't think there is a fixed rule fitting to every situation. But I will think a man is very charming, if he is *confident *funny *Not impulsive (could not take a bit rejection, stalker type), this would scare me *Not take himself so seriously *Compassionate to others' pains and misfortunes *Serious about what he believes and what he does *not a man who cannot see others except of from his under corner of eyes, because of his overconfident depending on his 'own intelligence' (pride) sum up: a humble and loving man. If you can be this, you are universally attractive
Yamaha Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 It's called experience. There is no substitute for getting out there and learning what works for you and what gets you rejected. Learn some funny jokes and how to flirt. You might ask a good gal friend to give you some pointers in the dating game.
Author Lights Posted November 23, 2008 Author Posted November 23, 2008 Can you tell us what it is you are doing in these successful or unsuccessful situations? That way we can get a better idea of how to guide you or what you should be looking for in the situation to gauge interest/disinterest. For the last several cases, I was passing by in a bookstore or passing by in a gym. None of them got even a response to a hi or the equivalent. Other relatively recent cases have included on a street in a nearby large city (there I was unable to close sufficient physical distance to reach one associated with socializing, so nothing happened there), and at a coffee shop (no response).
Author Lights Posted November 23, 2008 Author Posted November 23, 2008 It's called experience. There is no substitute for getting out there and learning what works for you and what gets you rejected. Learn some funny jokes and how to flirt. I should have specifically mentioned that the issue is that I'm not learning from the experiences. I'd like to be able to learn from them. They currently don't provide me any information on what works and what gets me rejected; nearly everything has gotten me rejected most of the time, and in the situations where I actually do get any responses, I have no information on whether any one tactic genuinely works or whether or not it was pure luck. You might ask a good gal friend to give you some pointers in the dating game. If I had sufficient ability to get enough women to speak with me to the point where I can actually find even one good gal friend, to use your phrase, would I even be asking my original question?
jason83 Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 Go to the bar or a club with some guy friends and try approaching a few women there. Just don't be creepy about it. Alcohol lightens the mood and in these places you'll have plenty of chances to talk to women. A club would be best because the only thing you really have to say is "Would you like to dance?"
Author Lights Posted November 23, 2008 Author Posted November 23, 2008 Go to the bar or a club with some guy friends and try approaching a few women there. Just don't be creepy about it. Alcohol lightens the mood and in these places you'll have plenty of chances to talk to women. A club would be best because the only thing you really have to say is "Would you like to dance?" I actually don't do the nightlife thing anymore, and I have no use for alcohol. But this is all a bit of a tangent. Thanks though.
Author Lights Posted May 19, 2009 Author Posted May 19, 2009 If anyone could help with this, it'd be much appreciated. When I do get a positive response at all, how do I identify what skill or method of mine caused it, and which social skills of mine have improved?
You'reasian Posted May 19, 2009 Posted May 19, 2009 If anyone could help with this, it'd be much appreciated. When I do get a positive response at all, how do I identify what skill or method of mine caused it, and which social skills of mine have improved? Its not a skill and there is no method. Just be yourself. You might be going through a dry period? As I've mentioned before location matters, activities matter and most importantly - you matter. Turn your desire to love others inward and go about your way.
Author Lights Posted May 19, 2009 Author Posted May 19, 2009 Its not a skill and there is no method. Just be yourself. You might be going through a dry period? As I've mentioned before location matters, activities matter and most importantly - you matter. Turn your desire to love others inward and go about your way. Dry period? I wish. It's more like a dry entire life, and it's been that way for no reason I can understand.
Author Lights Posted March 7, 2010 Author Posted March 7, 2010 I recently happened to get a woman to recognize my existence and also actually return a smile. How do I find out what I did correctly that made it work that time?
Author Lights Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 If anyone could help here, it would be much appreciated. It would be good to actually have some ability to generate even a tiny bit of improvement that isn't just a fluke.
lino Posted March 8, 2010 Posted March 8, 2010 Hey mate, haven't seen you writing on here in a while. Nice to see you're getting some sort of positive response in the real world I recently happened to get a woman to recognize my existence and also actually return a smile. How do I find out what I did correctly that made it work that time? Can you describe the scenario some more? Hard to determine much from the info you've given. If I was to take a stab in the dark, I'd guess that she could have just been a really friendly woman. There are still some of them around! Other than that it's hard to say with what you've told here.
Author Lights Posted March 8, 2010 Author Posted March 8, 2010 (edited) Hey mate, haven't seen you writing on here in a while. Nice to see you're getting some sort of positive response in the real world Thanks, Lino. I'm not happy having to constantly suffer just for the hope of the occasional little crumb's worth of positive response, but it's pretty clear that in this twisted, hostile environment I live in I'll have to make every tiny little bit count. Can you describe the scenario some more? Hard to determine much from the info you've given. If I was to take a stab in the dark, I'd guess that she could have just been a really friendly woman. There are still some of them around! Other than that it's hard to say with what you've told here. I'm not really sure what to describe, though. (What information do you need? I'll see what I can remember.) I was in a train, commuting back home from night classes, and I saw someone coming in. I was feeling happy enough to smile, and she actually returned the smile, and then turned and walked off, presumably to get a seat in another train car (I was standing, as there were no seats available in that car of the train). I can't remember the last time I'd actually had someone return a smile or the like. It would be good to be more able to get such responses in future, preferably through repeatable skill and verifiable visual desirability rather than desperately hoping for a fluke once every n years. Edited March 8, 2010 by Lights
lino Posted March 11, 2010 Posted March 11, 2010 Thanks, Lino. I'm not happy having to constantly suffer just for the hope of the occasional little crumb's worth of positive response, but it's pretty clear that in this twisted, hostile environment I live in I'll have to make every tiny little bit count. No worries I can understand that and yes you should make every positive experience you have count, life is pretty short! I was in a train, commuting back home from night classes, and I saw someone coming in. I was feeling happy enough to smile, and she actually returned the smile, and then turned and walked off, presumably to get a seat in another train car (I was standing, as there were no seats available in that car of the train). I can't remember the last time I'd actually had someone return a smile or the like. It would be good to be more able to get such responses in future, preferably through repeatable skill and verifiable visual desirability rather than desperately hoping for a fluke once every n years. Yep that's the sort of info we needed to know. From that I guess that indeed she was a friendly girl... Like I said there still are some of them around I guess for this type of thing to happen more often you need to smile as often as you can when you meet people or make eye contact with others. Do you smile regularly at the people you come across? How is your posture (when standing in the train for example) ? That counts quite a bit too. Also, you said you can't remember the last time you had a smile returned... Do your family and friends smile with you?
Author Lights Posted March 12, 2010 Author Posted March 12, 2010 (edited) Yep that's the sort of info we needed to know. From that I guess that indeed she was a friendly girl... Like I said there still are some of them around I guess for this type of thing to happen more often you need to smile as often as you can when you meet people or make eye contact with others. Do you smile regularly at the people you come across? How is your posture (when standing in the train for example) ? That counts quite a bit too. Also, you said you can't remember the last time you had a smile returned... Do your family and friends smile with you? Then it is as I feared. Not that I dislike actually encountering a friendly girl, but it's painful to see that after all this time, it is still the case that all I have going for me is luck, no matter my efforts, and that I have not improved in skill or attractiveness at all over all these years. It's not that often that I see someone of interest, but the vast majority of the time when I do, things like smiles (provided that I even feel happy enough to smile at all) and eye contact and the like are at most ignored. I had been hoping to learn something that would increase the rate at which they are viewed positively and/or returned. Posture is a tough one to check. I never am able to identify these sorts of things in the moment. Easy to do before or after, but I never get to know ahead of time when someone of interest is going to pass by. I am able to state that my day-to-day walk isn't the classic "confident posture" that I often hear people talk about, but that's because I haven't a clue how to use it for efficient quick movement in day-to-day walking (or while rushing through crowds when in a major city I had been visiting); it just seems too slow and rearward-weighted for practical non-ritual day-to-day use. Maybe I have my head up my ass though, and just need to practice it further until I find a way that does work for such purpose? I don't know. I don't have a problem with my family, but they're not who I'm looking to surround myself with. My friends are now all gone; I'll have to see what happens in the future. Edited March 12, 2010 by Lights
lino Posted March 17, 2010 Posted March 17, 2010 (edited) That's what a lot of it comes down to though... if you're fortunate enough to run into someone who's willing to return a smile. How to make this a more often occurance? Improving your appearance is one sure way... Getting in good shape and dressing well helps a lot! How would you rate your appearance? How do you think others rate it? I mentioned posture before and this can help too. I really think you should try to get into the habit of standing, walking and sitting with a good posture. I think it counts for a bit. Forget efficiency and practicality for a little while You're friends are gone? Well that's something you definitely need on work on then! I've never had a true significant other in my life but I've always had many great friends around me and I still do. Without good friends you have nothing really IMO. You really need to either re connect with your friends or make new ones. It isn't that hard. Edited March 17, 2010 by lino made response a bit neater
Author Lights Posted March 19, 2010 Author Posted March 19, 2010 That's what a lot of it comes down to though... if you're fortunate enough to run into someone who's willing to return a smile. How to make this a more often occurance? Improving your appearance is one sure way... Getting in good shape and dressing well helps a lot! How would you rate your appearance? How do you think others rate it? That's what's really painful. I don't personally see myself as being bad-looking, but the kinds of results I'm getting the vast majority of the time seem to indicate the worst. I work out most days, but it's always the same, regardless of the shape I'm in any given year. It's always just an empty struggle, and even the tiniest of positive responses turns out just to be a fortuitous fluke and not a sign of real improvement.
counterman Posted March 19, 2010 Posted March 19, 2010 Sorry if I misunderstood something, but are you actually approaching these women and starting a conversation with them or just smiling and making eye contact? If you're talking to them, what do you say and how does it go? I like the fact that you are working out most days. What else do you do for commitment besides working out and studying? This makes your life more fulfilling and if you are feeling good about other aspects of your life, you'll feel better about your current situation. Lino is right; you have to something about your friend situation. I think making and meeting friends is easier than meeting women who are interested in dating, so if you could work on that first, that would be wonderful. It could be a class mate or old friends or anyone really. Keep your head up and always walk confident.
Author Lights Posted March 19, 2010 Author Posted March 19, 2010 Sorry if I misunderstood something, but are you actually approaching these women and starting a conversation with them or just smiling and making eye contact? If you're talking to them, what do you say and how does it go? Basically things have gone so horribly wrong that even stuff as simple as smiling and eye contact (themselves low-percentage tactics and rarely ever encountered, or so it seems) seem to have become near-total failures. I was trying to work on simply making the tiniest of pieces into something I can regularly rely on to be actually effective. (In this particular case, I was wondering what to do to actually get them to consider the most basic of things such as a smile and eye contact as being something actually positive. My fears that I have gained no actual skill in the matter seem to be confirmed.) I haven't been able to get any conversations with women in recent times. For reasons unknown, it's become too difficult to even get them to recognize my existence, regardless of whether or not I use any words or not. I like the fact that you are working out most days. What else do you do for commitment besides working out and studying? This makes your life more fulfilling and if you are feeling good about other aspects of your life, you'll feel better about your current situation. Classes, studying, and looking for job events and opportunities etc. take up most of my time, though I fit in a workout most days. Other than that, time's been pretty scarce. I'm hoping things will clear up time-wise in a couple months. Lino is right; you have to something about your friend situation. I think making and meeting friends is easier than meeting women who are interested in dating, so if you could work on that first, that would be wonderful. It could be a class mate or old friends or anyone really. Keep your head up and always walk confident. I'm doing what I can there. Don't know how things will be turning out on that front, though.
lino Posted March 31, 2010 Posted March 31, 2010 That's what's really painful. I don't personally see myself as being bad-looking, but the kinds of results I'm getting the vast majority of the time seem to indicate the worst. I work out most days, but it's always the same, regardless of the shape I'm in any given year. It's always just an empty struggle, and even the tiniest of positive responses turns out just to be a fortuitous fluke and not a sign of real improvement. Ok. How do you rate your dress-sense? This is pretty important too! I'm doing what I can there. Don't know how things will be turning out on that front, though. IMO this should be your #1 priority. Women come and go but mates are forever, don't forget that! Real friends will never leave you for no apparent reason or simply to find someone better like many women will.
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