Should a guy like me really be resorting to dating sites?

[kashmir]

I know my title makes it seem like dating sites are bad. They're not...I'm sure they help a lot of people...people who are OLDER than me and are in positions where they can't meet women. I'm 19 and go to a big state school, but I seem to have no luck even getting girls to look at me, let alone talk to me, date me, kiss me, etc etc.

 

I know what a lot of you are going to say. "Don't think about women. Think about studying." Believe me, I really try to get girls off my mind, but by the end of the day I'm feeling lonely and a bit down. It's hard to keep the opposite sex off your mind when them and PDA are all around you. When I went to go out earlier today, just from the walk from my dorm to my car, there were several couples smiling with each other, laughing, holding hand, and one couple kissing in the car right next to me. I feel like it's that scene from the 40 year old virgin when he's walking and there are sexual ads everywhere he goes.

 

I'm really not sure what to do anymore. What really bugs me is everyone thinks I'm some kind of badass ladiesman. One time I was with my friend and his girlfriend, and they started talking about me, saying how I always have this really attractive vibe and look to me that just "makes girls melt", those were the girlfriend's words. I should have questioned her on that, because something isn't making sense to me. Either my best friends are screwing with me or I'm missing something big.

 

What can a guy like me do to meet girls here? is it really as easy as they say it is? If it is, then I'm either totally oblivious in the social department or I'm completely unattractive in all aspects possible.

 

I should mention this - I was diagnosed with having schizophrenia a long time ago. I believe some obscure or outlandish things to be common knowledge, including a lot of things I've concluded about girls. Part of me knows these things are false, but the whole of me refuses to stop assuming them. I've learned to overcome some of my past issues with experience - as I experience the reality of certain things, I start to realize that the facts I convinced myself of are false, and I start to let down some of my heavy defenses. This hasn't happened with girls yet, though, and I still make depressing generalizations about the gender as a whole based on my past experiences and observations.

[ipetree]

I do not know if you realize how lucky you are. Do you know how many men would trade places with you in a heart beat to be at a big state school, 19 years old, surrounded by thousands of young single women?

 

I would stay away from any form of online dating if I were you. For one, you will not meet nearly the caliber of women you are surrounded by right now. Secondly, it can become habit forming. Save it for when you are 40.

 

ALL types of guys meet women at college. You do not have to be the biggest stud to meet a woman.

[fral945]

If your having trouble with women in real life, online dating isn't a bad place to start. Just keep your expectations low and use it as a learning tool and a stepping stone to gain more confidence dealing with women in real life situations.

 

The bottom line is to get women you have to take risks. Take a chance, ask one out, tell them how you feel, etc. When I was at university, my friends did and I didn't. And they got the women and I didn't.

[kashmir]

Ok, but you're just reenforcing what everyone tells me.

 

Let's assume I'm sitting on a gold mine. Great...now how do I make use of this gold mine? Nothing has worked for me so far.

 

I do take risks, and I get shot down every time somewhere along to road before anything worthwhile is done.

[ipetree]

Do you drink? If not, start. Alcohol is a drug that brings people together.

 

I understand what you are saying. Sometimes it is just awkward.

 

Go to the gym, play a sport, join a group, go to parties, etc. Maybe get a fake id.

 

You will NEVER have this amount of opportunity again. You have so many easy ways to get in. Ask a girl to study, ask her to a party, ask her to play a sport, etc. Just be out in public. Looking online will just prevent you from having normal interaction and perfecting your skills. Some people bloom later than others. Being online might just prevent you from blooming.

[kashmir]

Do you drink? If not, start. Alcohol is a drug that brings people together.

 

I understand what you are saying. Sometimes it is just awkward.

 

Go to the gym, play a sport, join a group, go to parties, etc. Maybe get a fake id.

 

You will NEVER have this amount of opportunity again. You have so many easy ways to get in. Ask a girl to study, ask her to a party, ask her to play a sport, etc. Just be out in public. Looking online will just prevent you from having normal interaction and perfecting your skills. Some people bloom later than others. Being online might just prevent you from blooming.

 

I hate to be the know-at-all who has answers for everything, but if you take a look at me, you wouldn't think I had trouble.

 

Besides academics and a few political clubs here and there, I do a varsity sport here which I'm very devoted to. I also play guitar and sing every Friday night at the center of campus. I get a pretty good following whenever I play music out.

 

I'm actually drinking right now, lol. Rum is my best friend on a Saturday night. Just doing it to loosen my nerves up a bit because I might go out and play guitar for a bit before I go to a teammate's house to drink and hang a bit.

[ipetree]

Well then you are doing all the right things. Just be patient. You play a sport, are a musician, and drink, lol.

 

Sometimes it takes time. When I was away at school at first, I shared a dorm room with 4 other guys. I feel 3 of us were above avg looking, and we were not exactly tearing it up. Over time all of us met women.

[kashmir]

You play a sport, are a musician, and drink, lol.

 

Recipe for success my friend.

 

I'm pumped. Going out to play in 30 degree weather. SICK.

[monkey00]

For your age, I don't see anything wrong with going to a dating site. But honestly though don't have any high expectations - especially for women around your age range. Women that do online dating range from early 20's +. And the ones in their early 20s with profiles don't really take it too seriously either.

 

Have you thought about meeting girls through friends or joining a club or volunteering?

 

If what you say is true about yourself, I think you're probably more well off striking it with a girl that you'd meet on campus. Go to parties you know, meet some girls.

[jason83]

I've tried dating sites and although I did meet some interesting people, I never met anyone that worked out for a serious relationship. My opinion is that if I'm meant to be with someone, they will be placed into my life in some way, shape, or form.

 

Live your life. Do what you enjoy. Have fun with the time you have been given. You'll find the person for you.

[MN randomguy]

The bottom line is to get women you have to take risks. Take a chance, ask one out, tell them how you feel, etc. When I was at university, my friends did and I didn't. And they got the women and I didn't.

 

 

+1

 

I wish I'd found this site when I was your age. Do this. Set a minimum rejection quota when you go out. Get to where it doesn't phase you. The guys with the most success have the most failures. Every no brings you closer to a yes. This is what successful salesmen know. When you're pursuing women you're selling yourself to them. Be persistent and don't let having a GF or not define your personal value.

 

Its like the country song, some girls don't like boys like me... Oh, but some girls do!

 

Some girls will shoot you down for no good reason, whatever, lots of fish in the sea.

[SushiX]

From my experience, online dating is too competitive. Guys email tons of girls online. It's hard to get a reply from most online girls since they get so many emails. You gotta be unique or really hot. Because even the ugly girls online get emails too.

 

Some of these not so attractive girls let it get to their head and think they are so pretty just because some random horny dude emails them saying how hot they are, but in reality he just wants to meet up and get laid. I think you have a higher chance outside especially at your school, all you gotta do is go talk to them. Like the above post said, you don't have to be the biggest stud to get a woman.

[ipetree]

 

Some of these not so attractive girls let it get to their head and think they are so pretty just because some random horny dude emails them saying how hot they are, but in reality he just wants to meet up and get laid.

 

Exactly...Finding a slender, child free, mentally balanced, semi attractive woman online is a chore. if you locate her, she is an online superstar.

 

A woman such as the above, if she is on a couple sites, will get HUNDREDS of emails every day. Find a woman whom does not online date.

[kashmir]

WOW, last night was a crazy night (not necessarily in a good way, though).

 

I talked to a number of girls, but nothing progressed. Seriously, I think I'll have a MUCH easier time when I'm 21. I was in this room upstairs talking to some dudes, and a few really attractive girls came in and sat down on both sides of me. From what I remember, I can find nothing wrong with what I said to them. I was making them laugh, making them more interested, etc. It was when they said, "We're going to so-and-so bar, you should come with us!" that I knew my luck would die. I tried to suggest staying at the party, but this one girl was gung-ho at taking me to the bar. I went out with them (the bar was right down the street) and because of my age, they wouldn't let me in. It was then when they lost all interest. Obviously, if they weren't interested, they wouldn't have dragged me to the bar. Once they realized my age, that was the killer.

[SushiX]

Dude, where's your fake ID? Everyone I knew when I was under 21 had a fake ID!

[shockandawed]

I do not know if you realize how lucky you are. Do you know how many men would trade places with you in a heart beat to be at a big state school, 19 years old, surrounded by thousands of young single women?

 

I would stay away from any form of online dating if I were you. For one, you will not meet nearly the caliber of women you are surrounded by right now. Secondly, it can become habit forming. Save it for when you are 40.

 

ALL types of guys meet women at college. You do not have to be the biggest stud to meet a woman.

 

Count this 44 year old who has to online date as one of them who would trade places in a heartbeat..lol

 

Seriously, I had this conversation recently with my son who just started college. A big regret I have from those years was that I spent too much time chasing girls and not focusing on developing myself. I felt like I was defined on who my girlfriend was.

 

Make this time in your life about shaping your future. You sound like you have a lot going on and chicks love a guy who is confident and knows where he is going.

[jason83]

A friend of mine dated someone who was underage once. All her guy friends at the bar would joke with her asking if she found a babysitter for her boyfriend. It's nothing against you. Girls of that age have just discovered the bar scene and can go out in public and drink legally. It's exciting for them and they want to be with someone that can enjoy that same atmosphere with them. I think everyone goes through that "let's go to the bar and/or club" phase. You'll get there. For now enjoy what's around you and what you can be included in.

 

My 2 cents....

[Cherry Blossom 35]

You need an ID, pronto.

 

I got a fake id when I was 17. I went through a few of them before I turned 21. I met a lot of guys in bars in college.

 

Those girls were digging you. They WANTED you to come out with them. Next time something like that happens, and you are standing outside the bar without an ID, why don't you follow through a little bit?

 

Yeah, sorry guys, I can't get in. We should hang out sometime though. Can I get your number? Here's mine.

 

Maybe it works and maybe it doesn't. Just keep doing it until it works.

 

And don't let it be such a huge deal when you get rejected. Let it slide off your back. Seriously. That is just going to screw with your mindset. Find a way to not take rejections so seriously. It can be done.

 

For one thing, when a girl rejects you, don't start the dialogue in your head that goes something like this: oh, of course she rejected me. They ALL do. What, am I totally ugly or something? Boring? What? I NEVER get the chicks. I will NEVER meet someone.

 

Stop that!

 

This is what you say to yourself.

 

Oh well, another one bites the dust.

 

And then stop thinking about it.

 

When you approach women you really need to give yourself a pep talk. You need to be telling yourself that you are a cool guy who gets lots of women. Why WOULDN'T they want to talk to me? Fake it till you make it.

[Lizzie60]

there is nothing wrong with dating sites.. at least, you know that the girl is also looking for someone.. as in college.. you don't always know who's free or not..

 

Take it slow.. what,s the rush.. you're only 19...

 

I don't know what you look like..but maybe something scares the women off.. (the way you dress, hair, etc.)... or even your attitude..

 

I don't know.. just try it..you got nothing to lose.

 

Let us know.. if you get the 'jackpot' on a dating site..

[kashmir]

When I'm at these parties and girls reject me, I usually can't remember it the next day. That's how heavily they weigh on my mind.

 

While these girls were hot as hell, I remember them being bitches about my age. Everything was going great until we got to the bar. After trying to get in, I told them pretty much what you said (cherry blossom), "Sorry guys, but I can't get in. Have fun in there, I'm going to head back to the party." Then I turned to the one I was flirting with the most and asked if I could give her a call sometime. She said something like, "Um, you're not 21? Bye..." Really rude. It kinda surprised me, because she seemed cool otherwise.

 

I look like I'm in my mid 20's, so it catches a lot of girls off guard when they realize my true age.

 

A fake is definitely something that would come in handy, especially because I'm young for my class, so all my friends are going to be turning 21 next year (our junior year) while I'm not going to be 21 till my senior year. A hundred bucks would get me a solid 2 years of bar experience. Seems like a worthy investment...just need to find somebody reliable to do it.

[Cherry Blossom 35]

I was young for my grade, too. I didn't turn 21 until half of my senior year was over. The fake helped my social life a lot. The best way to do it is to get a real one from someone who looks like you but is older. Then it is a real id. Some bars can really spot the fake ones. Although I wasn't let into a bar once because my (real) out of state ID "looked fake" according to the bouncer. I was so mad! It was real!

 

Those girls sound like maybe they were just drunk. Still, not an excuse to be rude.

 

I've always been considered above average in looks, yet I can go for months at a time without meeting someone I like who likes me back. Then I meet one guy, and 3 are right behind him. Feast or famine! Sometimes it's just timing, and you can't control that. It's hard, though. Sometimes when I'm in a drought I think, is there something wrong with me? But you know what? There isn't, and there isn't anything wrong with you either.

[monkey00]

It's unfortunate that people put a label on someone based on their age. If anything those girls are out of luck because they missed a chance with you. But if any of them were really interested, they would not have minded the age gap..I think if anything they were just out looking for a fun night.

[elaina]

I know my title makes it seem like dating sites are bad. They're not...I'm sure they help a lot of people...people who are OLDER than me and are in positions where they can't meet women. I'm 19 and go to a big state school, but I seem to have no luck even getting girls to look at me, let alone talk to me, date me, kiss me, etc etc.

 

I know what a lot of you are going to say. "Don't think about women. Think about studying." Believe me, I really try to get girls off my mind, but by the end of the day I'm feeling lonely and a bit down. It's hard to keep the opposite sex off your mind when them and PDA are all around you. When I went to go out earlier today, just from the walk from my dorm to my car, there were several couples smiling with each other, laughing, holding hand, and one couple kissing in the car right next to me. I feel like it's that scene from the 40 year old virgin when he's walking and there are sexual ads everywhere he goes.

 

I'm really not sure what to do anymore. What really bugs me is everyone thinks I'm some kind of badass ladiesman. One time I was with my friend and his girlfriend, and they started talking about me, saying how I always have this really attractive vibe and look to me that just "makes girls melt", those were the girlfriend's words. I should have questioned her on that, because something isn't making sense to me. Either my best friends are screwing with me or I'm missing something big.

 

What can a guy like me do to meet girls here? is it really as easy as they say it is? If it is, then I'm either totally oblivious in the social department or I'm completely unattractive in all aspects possible.

 

I should mention this - I was diagnosed with having schizophrenia a long time ago. I believe some obscure or outlandish things to be common knowledge, including a lot of things I've concluded about girls. Part of me knows these things are false, but the whole of me refuses to stop assuming them. I've learned to overcome some of my past issues with experience - as I experience the reality of certain things, I start to realize that the facts I convinced myself of are false, and I start to let down some of my heavy defenses. This hasn't happened with girls yet, though, and I still make depressing generalizations about the gender as a whole based on my past experiences and observations.

 

I personally think you should concentrate on being friends with girls from your school. What are your interests? There's tons of different stuff on campus where you can go and meet girls and just enjoy getting to know them as people. I think if you don't worry about getting a girlfriend but instead pursue an interest you have and get to know girls as friends, before you know it you'll have a beautiful girlfriend who you can hang out with too. Clubs where you dance and drink aren't such a good place to get to know somebody, but clubs at a university where you work on a project with a group of people, they can be really fun and really rewarding in all areas of your life!

[kashmir]

I personally think you should concentrate on being friends with girls from your school. What are your interests? There's tons of different stuff on campus where you can go and meet girls and just enjoy getting to know them as people. I think if you don't worry about getting a girlfriend but instead pursue an interest you have and get to know girls as friends, before you know it you'll have a beautiful girlfriend who you can hang out with too. Clubs where you dance and drink aren't such a good place to get to know somebody, but clubs at a university where you work on a project with a group of people, they can be really fun and really rewarding in all areas of your life!

 

I do lots of stuff. Read past my first post.

[elaina]

I do lots of stuff. Read past my first post.

 

Ahh, but do you actually talk with any of the girls on a personal level? Do you give one girl your undivided attention for awhile and ask her opinion on something and have a conversation with her? Then, do you ask for her phone number and tell her you'd like to talk with her later and ask her if she wants to eat lunch with you or what her schedule is? If you do and she is interested, I am sure she will find time in her schedule just for you. If she's not interested, get to know another girl. If you give them your attention and show them that you think they are cool and you want to get to know them, I am sure you will have no problem in getting a girlfriend who cares about you alot.