I Broke No contact after 3 years

[dprelz]

I Walked up the steps, this must be the house I thought.

 

I knocked on the door, he answered. I recognized his face

 

from the photos. I asked If She was there, and He said ya

 

'And Who Are You?' - A friend from school I said.

 

"Honey, someone is here to see you". He calls her honey.

 

 

 

She was walking up the stairs and saw me. She

 

looked so surprised. She stood there for a couple

 

seconds before coming closer. She Had a look on

 

her face Like "Yeah, what do you want.."

 

 

I continued with what I thought I was meant to do.

 

It's been 3 years of No Contact. Our life had been

 

airtight, super-glued, we were inseparable.

 

She left me. Silent and Guilty. It was horrible.

 

3 years went by and I vowed to Myself I would

 

be a better man. I would be the man that

she always wanted me to be.

 

My Reward for all the hard work and pain

 

I endured to keep her in my heart would

 

pay off. She should be with me in the end.

 

As I was standing there I couldn't believe

 

my eyes. She looked better than before.

 

She's so small and petite. Her complexion,

 

her eyebrows, her ass, her hair, her hips

 

and the best is her eyes. She is so

 

Unbelievably beautiful to me.

 

If I had to choose one girl to be with

 

From now until the end of time,

 

it would be her.

 

I started talking to her and I realized pretty soon

 

That this was not how I imagined.

 

What could she do? Hug me and kiss me?

 

Her boyfriend was inside the house.

 

 

I asked if she was happy with him, does he treat you well?

 

She said yes he treats me good. I swear to god I've never

 

Smiled like that in my life. I paused for a second and told her

 

'That makes so happy to know that'.

 

I wanted to leave. It was unfair of me to find her.

 

But I told her I couldn't go on any longer with seeing you

 

One last time. In my dreams when we met I was allowed

 

to touch her, to show her how much I missed her.

 

This is all I get. I loved this girl more then anything for

 

the past 6 years. I knew I wanted to marry her after

 

about a year. She is perfect to me. Perfect.

 

 

I kept staring at her eyes. I wanted to memorize them.

 

**** she is so beautiful. I love her lips when she talks.

 

I love the length of her hair, its perfect like that.

 

She was wearing blue slippers. They were cute.

 

I told her I wanted to tell her so many things.

 

I was going to write her a letter. She was

 

surprised that I found her.

 

I reached into my pocket and gave

 

her something special. it was a little white heart

 

she had given me about 7 years ago.

 

I know she was surprised to see it. I couldn't believe

 

I kept it that for that long.

 

I looked at her and paused. "that guy is the

luckiest guy i've ever met"

 

 

 

After a while I didn't care what she thought anymore.

 

I just wanted to say what I had to say.

 

I stopped her in her conversation she started in attempt

to sidetrack us. I said

I've met so many in people in my life. ive been around so many

girls and they just arent as good as you.

They are nothing compared to you. nobody has ever made

me feel the way i do about you.

how can i tell you how beautiful you are? do you want me

to write a 10 page report?? you never gave me a chance

to show you. ive changed so much without you its not

even funny. im a better man. i worked so hard to be where

i am right now. i wake up early, like you at 7am, because i know

you are awake then. and yesterday i worked 12 hrs and the whole

time i was thinking about you.

 

i paused and looked at the sky. i honed in on one particular cloud

 

im thinking, how is there even a god? This is so ****ing stupid.

 

I love this woman more than anything. More than anyone has

ever ****ing loved another thing ever. I would cherish

her and love her until the day i collapse.

why is it too late?

 

She wrote a line in one of her poems saying I would marry a

foreign princess instead of her.

 

"you are my foreign princess, can't you see that?"

The look in her eyes said it all. It hurt so bad.

 

She is truly happy with this guy. There’s nothing I can do

To make her come back. I gave her space and time to think

back on the years of memories we have together. all the

places we went too and all the things we did. all the little

conversations we had.

 

She was telling me I think too highly of her. And I replied

Immediately in anger, 'No, You just don't know how good you are'.

I looked at her and said you are amazing.

 

I was talking to her and kept staring at the sky.

I muttered the words "it’s not fair" at least a couple of times.

 

I knew my time was almost up. Her dip**** boyfriend

dropped something in the background. It got too quite for him.

 

I leaned and said

"I want to say this, let me please say it"

she leaned in as well. It was romantic.

 

I whispered in her ear

"no matter what. no matter what happens I will always ****in love you.

I've loved you this entire time and nothing will ever change. When you

look back at read my letters in 10 years i want you to know that they

will never be untrue. I'm not that type of man. I work hard for things

I love. I have will power. Strength. I wake up at 4am and jog when

nobody is awake. It's quite. That is where I think about you.

 

To me you are perfect in every way. You're eyes, your lips, the way you

talk. I ****in love you so much, but you will never understand.

 

I'm going to go now. I will never contact you again.

I'm sorry for doing this. It's not fair to you. I know.

I want you to know that I will always, always love you.

 

I paused for a second. she was looking right into my eyes

 

"always".

 

I've never said anything more true.

 

 

I looked at the sky one more time.

The walk back to the car was horrible.

 

That's it. That was my big plan.

 

That was all your deams and hopes of

a life with her down the drain.

 

I never felt so ****in worthless in my life.

 

I didn't even touch her. I wanted to kiss her so badly.

 

I've seen it with my own two eyes, she has moved on.

 

I feel like I let my soulmate slip away.

 

I feel so lost without her.

[foxh1234]

That was a very sad story and I feel for you. Think of it this way though, you had the meeting you had plannedand you now know that she is happy and you can move forward with your own happiness now. You can always love herbut you must not obsess or pine for her anymore, she is gone for good and you probably will never hear from her again. Time to start a new chapter in your life and find that kind of love and happiness again. I know you think she was the one but you are wrong. The one would not be with another instead of you. The one would not go 3 years without contact, the one would find you and tell you they love you. She could not be the one. Good luck in the future and I hope you find peace and happiness.

[alwayssme]

that sounded like it was from a soap opera or a movie.....except that in the movies they usually end up together and all that crap..sometimes i think they should make movies more realistic instead of painting this perfect picture of true love.......

[TeaAbraham]

Wow.

 

No matter what happens from here, you made her feel like a very very special girl today. If that is how you were feeling after all this time, it is good that you got it off your chest. Props to you. At the very least I am sure she is smiling when she thinks about how much you care.

 

p.s. you're gonna make me cry dude, it's just too sad.

[Angel1111]

This is so heartbreaking -- but I'm glad you did what you did. Now you'll never ask yourself, 'What if I had just gone to her house and....'

 

If it makes you feel any better, I can assure you that she will never, ever forget what you did. She will never forget that even after all that time, you feel just as strongly about her as ever. And, at the same time, you respect her enough to leave her alone. That speaks volumes about your character and she can't help but be impressed, and hugely flattered, by that. Heck, I'm impressed and I don't even know you. Most of the guys in my life didn't understand the meaning of respecting me and my choices. That's where they lost the thread. You are so ahead of most people in this area and I hope you give yourself credit for that.

 

And don't forget that in the future if she ever feels unloved or uncared about, she will know that there's someone out there who will always love her. You gave her a gift that day, as well as yourself.

[Surfer Dude]

Hey, if it made you feel any better, then good for you

 

All I know is that I could never summon the strength to talk to my ex.

[JooLee]

wow, i am close to tears right now.. this is so....

i have no words .. just.. :(

i really really hope you'll feel better soon and allow yourself to find happiness again....

[BackonTrack2]

wow, i am close to tears right now.. this is so....

i have no words .. just.. :(

i really really hope you'll feel better soon and allow yourself to find happiness again....

 

forget that girl. 3 years dude, WTF go find a new girlfriend, this one has forgot about you.

 

i'm in the same boat, 9 months NC, ex cheated left then blamed me, oh well, still love her to death, still want her, but she disrespected me to like the 90th power. + she hasn't tried to contact me so she must be happy.

 

in 3 years if i don't hear from her, i better have forgotton about her i swear. if i still rember that sad because it means i never found anyone else to love me. i hope thats not the case.

[Surfer Dude]

forget that girl. 3 years dude, WTF go find a new girlfriend, this one has forgot about you.

 

i'm in the same boat, 9 months NC, ex cheated left then blamed me, oh well, still love her to death, still want her, but she disrespected me to like the 90th power. + she hasn't tried to contact me so she must be happy.

 

in 3 years if i don't hear from her, i better have forgotton about her i swear. if i still rember that sad because it means i never found anyone else to love me. i hope thats not the case.

 

Great post

 

OP, really you need to move on and stop pining after this girl. There are tons of amazing women out there, what are you waiting for? Don't tell me you think this one was your perfect soulmate

 

I guarantee you that there are far better and far more compatible women out there for you, you just need to hook up and start looking. It's all a mater of time anyways, once you're back in the game.

[dprelz]

she

says I think too highly of her. What does that mean ?

 

if she's not with the guy who clearly loves her more,

Then why is she with him?

[lofi_tokyo]

she

says I think too highly of her. What does that mean ?

 

if she's not with the guy who clearly loves her more,

Then why is she with him?

 

You may love her to death, but maybe your needs are not the same of hers. You may love her, but that is not everything a woman needs - perhaps the man she is with is simply more compatible.

 

This is no short coming on your part. There is certainly a woman out there for you who is more compatible with your needs, and when you finally let yourself go and allow yourself to love others, you will discover this to be true.

 

***

I don't know if this will help, but one of my female friends dumped a guy, and for three years, he too pinned after her. As recently as this June he sent her a scrapbook of all the wonderful memories they shared in their time together. He put it all on the line. He never stopped loving her, never would, he was the only one who could give her all her needs.

 

She threw the scrapbook out. Harsh in my opinion, maybe a bit much - they DID have good memories together, but she's at a different place in her life, shes with another man, and she didn't care for his attempts.

 

Today, her ex is very happily in a new relationship. After over three years of being in pain, he finally allowed himself to love again - and he met a new woman in September. As far as I can tell, the two are incredibly happy together. For the first time in years, her ex is free from pain.

 

You'll be free someday too, if you just let yourself be.

[allanDR]

You just gotta remember that life has its ups and downs. It always happens. When you're as low as you can get then it gets better and sadly the same often happens when it's the best. You just can't give up.

[TeaAbraham]

she

says I think too highly of her. What does that mean ?

 

if she's not with the guy who clearly loves her more,

Then why is she with him?

 

You're reading into it too much. All it means is that she's trying to make you feel better. That's all.

[dprelz]

I just wanna say thanks for

All the replies. Especially from the women.

 

I don't fail at many things. I have a

Big heart and I never give up. It

Gives me success in everything I do.

 

I ****ed this up. I know there was a

Time when she truly did love me

With all her heart. If I was the

Person I am now back then, we

Would probablly be married right

Now.

 

How can I handle that? Knowing

That it was me who ultimately

Did this?

 

How can I love another woman when

I gave everything I had to her? She

Has seen every side of me over all

These years. She watched me grow

Into a man. My face has changed.

 

How do I not feel completely rejected?

She knows me the best In the world and

She doesn't want me.

 

I feel so strongly about her, but I am

Just an ex bf to her.

 

Do I have to crush her In my head to

Let go? Is that the only way to completely

Move on?

 

Do I have to hate her for not loving me?

 

I feel like she is the best I'll ever do.

How do I stay with another woman if

Deep down I know she is just plan b?

[TeaAbraham]

I just wanna say thanks for

All the replies. Especially from the women.

 

I don't fail at many things. I have a

Big heart and I never give up. It

Gives me success in everything I do.

 

I ****ed this up. I know there was a

Time when she truly did love me

With all her heart. If I was the

Person I am now back then, we

Would probablly be married right

Now.

 

How can I handle that? Knowing

That it was me who ultimately

Did this?

 

How can I love another woman when

I gave everything I had to her? She

Has seen every side of me over all

These years. She watched me grow

Into a man. My face has changed.

 

How do I not feel completely rejected?

She knows me the best In the world and

She doesn't want me.

 

I feel so strongly about her, but I am

Just an ex bf to her.

 

Do I have to crush her In my head to

Let go? Is that the only way to completely

Move on?

 

Do I have to hate her for not loving me?

 

I feel like she is the best I'll ever do.

How do I stay with another woman if

Deep down I know she is just plan b?

 

Feeling exactly the same way. Exactly. Especially hurts thinking about how everything would be perfect if I were the man then that I am now. How do you stay with another woman if deep down you know she is just plan b? I have no idea. I don't want to do that to another girl either, and I don't think I would be able to. For me I am trying to crush her in my head. It is not easy. Takes constant vigilance. Somebody help us please =-(

[Surfer Dude]

I just wanna say thanks for

All the replies. Especially from the women.

 

I don't fail at many things. I have a

Big heart and I never give up. It

Gives me success in everything I do.

 

I ****ed this up. I know there was a

Time when she truly did love me

With all her heart. If I was the

Person I am now back then, we

Would probablly be married right

Now.

 

How can I handle that? Knowing

That it was me who ultimately

Did this?

 

How can I love another woman when

I gave everything I had to her? She

Has seen every side of me over all

These years. She watched me grow

Into a man. My face has changed.

 

How do I not feel completely rejected?

She knows me the best In the world and

She doesn't want me.

 

I feel so strongly about her, but I am

Just an ex bf to her.

 

Do I have to crush her In my head to

Let go? Is that the only way to completely

Move on?

 

Do I have to hate her for not loving me?

 

I feel like she is the best I'll ever do.

How do I stay with another woman if

Deep down I know she is just plan b?

 

You shouldn't doubt your ability to love again. There are wonderful women out there who can't wait to meet a great guy.

 

I don't think people ever lose their ability to love. It's just temporary because you don't know anyone who could deserve your love. But once you meet that perfect lady, you won't even think twice about it

[patientwife]

I rarely reply to any thread here but this one just makes me cry so bad.... It's so sad... I can't help it.. I wish the best for you... Some things are just too late... *sobs*

[dprelz]

I rarely reply to any thread here but this one just makes me cry so bad.... It's so sad... I can't help it.. I wish the best for you... Some things are just too late... *sobs*

 

Thank you. I really appreciate that.

 

I really hope some more women can reply to this thread and help me with the million questions I seem to still have.

 

As Long as I can remember now, she has been my pin, my guide, my light.

Even when I knew she wasn't with me, she was still with me in my heart.

 

I can't give her anymore. There are no more sides of me she hasn't seen. I have no more tricks up my sleeve. It's over.

 

I really did lose her.

 

Feels Like I'm running in the dark.

 

I've never been so lost.

[Angel1111]

I ****ed this up. I know there was a

Time when she truly did love me

With all her heart. If I was the

Person I am now back then, we

Would probablly be married right

Now.

 

How can I handle that? Knowing

That it was me who ultimately

Did this?

 

How do I not feel completely rejected?

She knows me the best In the world and

She doesn't want me.

 

I don't know if this helps but it wasn't rejection if you know that you're the one who screwed things up. She may have been the one who felt rejected. There's not a lot you can do except let your heart heal and not screw things up the next time around.

[Peter_pan]

gawd thats sad !

 

man you need to hang with the boys and live life. trust me. your find the right one eventually. no one knows what the future holds.

[DollWelch]

Don't lose hope, dprelz.

 

You have to be strong. She's gone now, but there is still hope. You will find a wonderful woman that will make you much more happier than you were with her. Believe. Don't ever think that you have lost everything.

 

I know men and woman who have seriously lost everything -and they didn't give up. No. Never. You can't give up because there is a woman out there waiting for you to come into her life, love her with all your heart and change her forever.

 

You must go out and date again. IF you don't, you'll forever miss your chance at finding that special someone. You're still young -and have plenty of time to move forward.

 

Little steps. Baby steps and I know that you will soon feel warm and happy again. Life is truly a precious and exciting gift.

 

PS. Your story is incredibly sad one to read. It moved me on the inside a little; reminded me of a certain man in my past.

[roghornio]

A very sad story... but mate - 3 YEARS LATER... what were you thinking!!

Hopefully now you can see that it is truly over and you can move on with your life.

[sumdude]

Well you laid it on the line and bared your heart to her. Did what you felt you had to do and I can respect that. Tough stuff and three years is a long time.. I've been divorced for a year and a half.

 

Fact is that now you HAVE to move on and stop obsessing about her. How many billions of women are there on this planet? There's never just ONE. There are many who may become ONE.

[bustertypsy]

I read you story with my heart in my mouth.I am so sad that you have reopened the scars and feeling the pain of three years ago.I know them scars were never fully healed,but they are fresher today than they were.

 

I will take the benefit of you experience and make sure I never break NC.I am a year apart and the only possibility of a reconciliation would be if she initiated contact.As the dumper if she had a change of heart she would need to let me know.She couldn't expect me to take a massive gamble of rejection and further pain on the off chance that she may want me back but is afraid to make contact.

 

No,I will never allow myself to go through what you are.I firmly believe you love this person like no other,but one day you will love another,like you loved her.

[alwayssme]

i can relate to how you're feeling, for me it has been 3 months since the break up and 2 weeks NC so maybe it's a little different, but I am afraid that i will never completely forget my ex, not simply because i was truly in love with him but because of so many things that happened. Your story is sad, you took a chance that I wouldn't be able to because well I already have tried

 

 

And you messed things up? *sigh* this life and love love love...I messed things up with my ex too, I used to always argue with him and I have hurted him . Now he just simply has moved on. Sometimes unfortunately the only way we grow is through pain and I have never been more mature in my life then I am right now. It's like a complete switch and I wish 1000 times, I would have been this way when I was with him.