BlueHarvest Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 Girl I'm seeing right now isn't making any sense. She talked to me last night about lots of stuff (nothing important just various bull.) for nearly 2 hours. In the end she ended up making a comment about how we'd hang out after she got off work and she could she me how to play her one of her favorite games. *FYI* I'm 24, she's 23...we are just gamers at heart. Anyways...today comes I readjusted my schedule slightly so I could spend the afternoon with her. She calls me around 4 PM about 2 hours after I expected to hear from her. She says she's kind of tired and asks if I had any plans for the night. I said "not really, just wanted her to come over and chill, we could watch a movie, play a game, watch tv, chat." She said she didn't want to come over until we had a plan, but she did want to meet me for a quick lunch. So I met her for lunch, we talked, head hands and chatted for a bit. I just don't understand her, one day she says she wants to come over and hang out. Then literally the next day she backs off. I even asked her if she was uncomfortable today. I said there was going to be nothing major going on. Just wanted the pleasure of her company. She said "i'll be a bore if we aren't doing anything." I honestly don't know what to do or what she is even thinking at this point. I like her, we have some good chemistry...just unsure what her deal is.
shockandawed Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 Some basic questions here.. How long have you been together? Are you exclusive? What do your dates consist of? Honestly, it sounds to me that she is dropping hints to you that she would like to do something other than just "hang out and chill". "I'll be a bore if we aren't doing anything" is clearly saying, I will be bored just hanging out at your place. Man up and take her out on the town.
Author BlueHarvest Posted November 23, 2008 Author Posted November 23, 2008 I just did. We went to a concert naught but a few days ago. She has YET to come over and hang out at my place. Every date thus far has been out somewhere. And to answer your first question. 3 Weeks Not sure but judging by what I know of her I'd guess so. I don't appreciate the comment "man up and take her out on the town" thats you ASS-U-ming that I haven't done that. Please don't assume.
windows Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 She said "i'll be a bore if we aren't doing anything." I honestly don't know what to do or what she is even thinking at this point. I like her, we have some good chemistry...just unsure what her deal is. She's probably pressured into thinking that she has to DO something while with you in order to keep you interested in her. You think you have good chemistry and chances are she noticed it too. I know a big fear of mine would be exactly WHAT to do on a date so the option of just going to 'hang out' could be quite daunting since there is no general agenda for that 'date'. I know that without any sort of stimulus that I can be an incredibly boring guy so maybe that's her fear? Just my 2 cents there.
MN randomguy Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 Girl I'm seeing right now isn't making any sense. This is basically because all women are crazy. Could be that you're too available. Interesting guys have something going on much of the time. Don't be at her beck and call. Might even want to gently bring it up if its starting to be a pattern. Look, we were going to do X so I opted to do X with you instead of doing Y because I enjoy being with you. Then you canceled. Then I didn't do anything fun. I don't think that's fair.
Author BlueHarvest Posted November 23, 2008 Author Posted November 23, 2008 I don't think it's fair either. I just don't understand her actions so I'm backing off for a little bit now. Apparently something is making her uncomfortable, or maybe she is just really self-concious and doesn't know what to do in situations that are planned out.... Which seems odd cause she mentioned something about how her other friends usually just do things impromptu...wierd.
whichwayisup Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 Come right out and ask her why she feels uncomfortable at your place and why she feels she would be a bore. Just lay it out there, you have nothing to lose as you haven't invested a whole lot into her yet.
redvolvodavid Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 Let her know she doesn't have to entertain you but you're fine with just watching TV with her and ordering take-out or delivery... I'd say that if she doesn't seem open to that idea, then don't contact her for at least a few days-I believe that if she's truly interested then she'll wonder what happened to you on day 2 or 3 and contact you. I've had friends and girlfriends like this before and once you make yourself less available, they'll jump on board and realize that they must make a move. Good luck!
shockandawed Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 Sorry to offend you there, it was simply an assumption based on the limited information from the original post. The only shared activity you mentioned was playing video games. I think the key fact here is she declined to come to your house and be alone without a plan, but she counter offered with lunch. She wants to see you, just not alone at your place yet. You said you haven't been alone yet, all the dates have been out somewhere. Three weeks is a little soon maybe to just be hanging out alone for her. I am assuming you have not been intimate with her? If I am correct, that could be a major fear of being alone with you. She seems interested and has no problem with planned and structured dates in public. It's still early, I would stick to actual dates for a bit until she gets to know you better.
Author BlueHarvest Posted November 24, 2008 Author Posted November 24, 2008 In the course of 3 weeks we have. *Hung out in public situations. (dinner, et al) *Gone to a concert. *Hugged *Kissed (she made the first move IN PUBLIC) *Made out (intimate kissing in my car) *Met each others parents. (I hung out at her place one night, and vice versa...I was in between apartments staying at my parents.) So technically she has hung out with me "alone" but it was at my parents house. And I appreciate the apology. It's ok, assuming is one of my pet peeves. Maybe you are right. Maybe it is a bit early to invite her over and she is still uncomfortable. I guess me+new apartment is scary to her compared to me@ my parent's house. I guess things went alot faster at first then we both thought but now she wants to slow things down. I know each relationship is different but does anyone else think this one is progressing about the right pace given the information I've said so far? I'm not clingy (maybe internally but I don't show it...I call her every 2-3 days approximately and so far we've seen each other pretty often (about every 2-4 days.)
prettybaby Posted November 24, 2008 Posted November 24, 2008 Okay, I personally think these are the possible reasons behind her reactions: -1- She's afraid things will get a bit too physical if she comes over to your place. She's into you, she kissed you, but she's not ready to get laid yet. Is she one of those "I want to remain virgin until marriage" type of girls? Or maybe she simply wants to take it slow. -2- She's on her period and realized it wouldn't be a good time to get intimate with you just yet. -3- She's not comfortable about her body and avoids situations where clothes could come off lol Whatever the reason, I think it basically boils down to her not being ready to get completely intimate with you just yet. Although she clearly really likes you.
Author BlueHarvest Posted November 24, 2008 Author Posted November 24, 2008 Obviously. My question is why is she still playing head games? And I think your 3 points there baby are all valid possibilities. Still doesn't explain the mind games though. I get sooo tired of the mind-games and they are an extreme energy drain physically and emotionally. Because now, rather then just calling her up when I feel like it to talk to her, I have to start thinking about "ok I should make her sweat a little bit and make her call me so rather then calling today I should at least wait till tommorow to call." To me that's just plain stupid but yet I feel that if I do call today then she'll just continue to .....um what's the phrase I'm looking for....take me for granted. (something like that.)
prettybaby Posted November 24, 2008 Posted November 24, 2008 Are you her first boyfriend? She kind of reminds me of myself when I was 18 and inexperienced lol If she doesn't have a whole lot of experience, I wouldn't assume she's playing mind games purposely. Perhaps she's just a bit insecure and doesn't really know what she's doing. A lot of people do the whole "2 steps forward, 1 step back" thing if the heart says yes, but the mind is confused as to how to handle it. Also keep in mind that you've only dated for 3 weeks. That's not long. I wouldn't worry too much about it right now, just take it easy and let things happen when they happen. If after 5 more weeks you still feel like you're getting nowhere, I would have a talk with her over a nice cup of coffee or something. Don't have a serious talk like that right now though, it's too early and it will only complicate things.
Author BlueHarvest Posted November 24, 2008 Author Posted November 24, 2008 So you honestly think it's progressing fine for a 3 week relationship? And I am fairly certain I'm not her first boyfriend as her she told a story and spoke a little of a guy she dated in high school. And on another time her mother spoke of a guy she dated while in college. So at the least I'm boyfriend #3. And she's 23 FYI.
prettybaby Posted November 24, 2008 Posted November 24, 2008 Yeah but you don't know how serious those relationships were. My mom still talks about this boy I used to date in high school lol It was never all that serious. They could have just been dates. You have no idea how far they actually went. I'm not saying it's going perfect or wrong for those first 3 weeks, because honestly, 3 weeks is too soon to judge and every relationship is different. I just really wouldn't worry about it just yet. And keep in mind that she could simply be trying to figure things out herself, so don't assume that she's playing with you. That will get you in the wrong state of mind and it will reflect in the way you behave with her.
Author BlueHarvest Posted November 25, 2008 Author Posted November 25, 2008 Thanks baby. Your right, I should stop worrying about every little thing...and just let it progress naturally. It'll feel better that way I think. I guess I shouldn't be quick to make it have a label or anything of the sort on it. FYI she is coming to thanksgiving dinner with my family. 0_0 She accepted my invite.
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