Illiandra Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 I have been dating this guy for the past 5 months. We started casually hanging out almost every weekend or every other weekend. Long story short, I told him recently that I was hooked up an ex during the summer. And he blew up saying that i wouldnt have met his parents (which i met recently) if he wasnt interested. Now he is playing this whole trust card! He said that he likes me, but doesnt know if he can trust me. Which i believe is from our misunderstanding, and no communication in regards to what this relationship is. I let him know that i wasnt sure what we were during the begining along with what our expectations were. I could have easily lied about this to prevent this whole sticky situation, however, i dont lie and i let him know that. Am i in the wrong here or what? If we had the talk and were more clear, this obviously wouldnt have happened. But then again i didnt want to get played for a fool so i had to keep my options open at some point!
UnamedSeven Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 You were right to keep your options opened, but, this upset him. You have to look at this like, if there is going to be anything between you and him, its going to be hard for him to trust you. I'm not sure of a way that could get him to trust you, but, you can tell him a really deep secret, and tell him that it was something that you never told anyone. (This basically shows that your willing to open up to him, regardless of how deep the secret is). In doing so, this could get him to trust you.
MN randomguy Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 I have been dating this guy for the past 5 months. We started casually hanging out almost every weekend or every other weekend. OK really confused, You should have had some sort of a DTR (define the relationship) a long time ago. He obviously thinks that you two are an item. If this is the case you have the responsibility to communicate with him about how you see the relationship. If you're his girl, you're in the wrong, ask forgiveness, see where he wants to go from there. You don't get to keep your options open anymore. If you're not an item, he may have just lost interest in you. If not then he's really fallen for you and you need to do what is good by him over the long term and set him free.
Belle28 Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 It is obvious that you should have had some sort of understanding over what the rules were before you went out with someone else. It is quite normal that he is feeling this way right now. Just because you were taking things easy and he wasnt declaring his undying love for you did not mean that he did not have feelings for you. If he was seeing you on a regular basis its more than natural that he did but felt he wanted to get to know you better or for many other different reasons that have to do with the circumstances at hand or his own personality. I hope it is not too late for the two of you. Just let him know how you feel and don't even mention to him that you were trying to keep your options open. It was a one off thing - you did not know where you stood and thats it. You want to know where you stand now. Tell him that you want to trust him and his feelings. Trust is something you build, it doesnt fall miraculously from the sky. It all starts from there - as long as you are on the same level and can communicate there shouldn't be a problem in the future...
Author Illiandra Posted November 23, 2008 Author Posted November 23, 2008 Yes i was confused because the lack of talking about the relationship and where it was going. I let him know that i want to trust him and vice versa. To me it seems like if this was cleared up from the begining it wouldnt have happened at all which i have already expressed to him. I just dont understand how can you assume and expect things without talking about stuff like this. He mentioned a few weeks ago that he did want to be with me and didnt want to let me go from his life, however this came up again recenlty, and now he says hes confused UGH! to top it off we really havent talked lately so i am giving his space
MN randomguy Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 Yes i was confused because the lack of talking about the relationship and where it was going. Well, he's not the only one with vocal chords you know. There are a lot of guys who have a hard time initiating conversions like this. I let him know that i want to trust him and vice versa. To me it seems like if this was cleared up from the begining it wouldnt have happened at all which i have already expressed to him. I just dont understand how can you assume and expect things without talking about stuff like this. He mentioned a few weeks ago that he did want to be with me and didnt want to let me go from his life, however this came up again recenlty, and now he says hes confused UGH! to top it off So, it sounds like he maybe thinks that you did have the DTR? Granted, not great communication, but maybe that's where his skills are now. we really havent talked lately so i am giving his spaceI see some shared blame. I still haven't read where you've apologized. It sounds like you're maybe too concerned with saving face. I wouldn't give him too much space. I'd call him, say that you regret it, you're sorry, and if you want to be exclusive say so.
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