fromlonelytogreat Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 I am a workaholic. I work a full-time in one job, but also work part-time 5 nights a week in another job. I don't have any time to meet any new people, which is why I am feeling so lonely and sometimes socially useless. It's so bad that I have to lie about my weekends to people at work so that I don't appear to be a loser. As most of you know, I complain that I don't have anyone to hang out with on weekends. I KNOW that I need to do something about it, but I do have some self-esteem issues in regards to social things - I was teased a lot during early high school because I was fat; which stopped during my senior year when I had lost a lot of weight and started caring about my appearance. I also remember going on a date with a girl during that year and while she thought I was cute, I was almost completely silent because I didn't know how to be around her. I have hardly been on any dates since, and in recent years, that has mostly been due to having very few opportunities to meet other girls - the current 'me' wouldn't be afraid to ask for a number. I had an opportunity to go to an end of year party for people from my uni faculty (open invite on facebook), but I didn't go because I am not a student anymore. I want to meet people around that age, because I feel that people my age aren't actively seeking new friends. I kinda also didn't want to go because I noticed that some of the people (they hang out in a group always) going used to see my studying alone on campus, and then seeing me at the party alone will think that I am a loner and not worth getting to know (silly thought I know). I WAS very shy when I started my undergraduate degree all those years ago, so never really got involved in the social aspects. It wasn't until I started my postgraduate studies that I was open to doing social things at uni, but by then it was too late - most postgrads in my degree were from Asia, and because most of them were only interested in study. I almost feel as though I've stuffed up my social life for good. I've become so used to being alone that it almost feels like the old sweater that you can't throw away. However, believe me; I don't enjoy it. I have a MUCH better time when I am around people in a social setting.
Federica Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 Could you explain what the point of this post is? What kind of a response are you hoping for? I'd be happy to leave it here for further development, if you could clarify.
Author fromlonelytogreat Posted November 22, 2008 Author Posted November 22, 2008 What can I do to get out of this hole that I have dug for myself?? How can I stay motivated to improve myself?? Please bear in mind that most clubs/societies meet on weeknights where I am, so they are not good options.
Geishawhelk Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 FLTG, you are constantly putting barriers up for yourself, and justifying things you cannot possibly do because of this, or because of that. Unfortunately, the cold harsh truth of the matter is, that the only one who can stop putting these objections and barriers up - is you. You've had many replies and responses to what you could do, where you could go, and the suchlike. but this only serves to provide you with more objections. Lee Iacocca said he wanted the right kind of people on his Board of Directors. he didn't want "what ifs" or "yes, buts".... he wanted "Why nots?".... I'm going to say something controversial here..... .....Your posts are attention-seeking. It's a way for you to get the attention you so crave. You've convinced yourself you'll never get attention or validation anywhere else - but you get it here. Here, people pay attention to you, they answer you, and they give you their time, advice and validation. The thing is, you don't follow up on what people advise, because if you did, it might work. But it might not. Which is a risk. And right now, the last thing you think you need, is a challenge with risks. Too much uncertainty. But coming in here and posting always gives you a guaranteed response..... You really do have to dig deep within yourself and stop living on what might happen. Because everything you say might happen (which is negative) has an equally possible positive opposite. The trouble is, you don't want possibles, you want certainties. Get this: Certainties don't exist. Everything is a gamble. Always. For you, for me for everyone. But if you don't take risks, you don't live. Do you?
Author fromlonelytogreat Posted November 23, 2008 Author Posted November 23, 2008 FLTG, you are constantly putting barriers up for yourself, and justifying things you cannot possibly do because of this, or because of that. Unfortunately, the cold harsh truth of the matter is, that the only one who can stop putting these objections and barriers up - is you. You've had many replies and responses to what you could do, where you could go, and the suchlike. but this only serves to provide you with more objections. Lee Iacocca said he wanted the right kind of people on his Board of Directors. he didn't want "what ifs" or "yes, buts".... he wanted "Why nots?".... I'm going to say something controversial here..... .....Your posts are attention-seeking. It's a way for you to get the attention you so crave. You've convinced yourself you'll never get attention or validation anywhere else - but you get it here. Here, people pay attention to you, they answer you, and they give you their time, advice and validation. The thing is, you don't follow up on what people advise, because if you did, it might work. But it might not. Which is a risk. And right now, the last thing you think you need, is a challenge with risks. Too much uncertainty. But coming in here and posting always gives you a guaranteed response..... You really do have to dig deep within yourself and stop living on what might happen. Because everything you say might happen (which is negative) has an equally possible positive opposite. The trouble is, you don't want possibles, you want certainties. Get this: Certainties don't exist. Everything is a gamble. Always. For you, for me for everyone. But if you don't take risks, you don't live. Do you? You are absolutely right. About two months ago, I went to meet up with a random group of uni students and I *thought* that things went well - I didn't know any of them, bar from the fact they did the same degree as me. I was under the impression that there would be another gathering in October and again in November. They never eventuated and haven't heard anything from any of them since. I don't even receive the group emails that I was getting prior to this meetup. That was/is a big blow to my self-esteem.
Ruby Slippers Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 I don't even receive the group emails that I was getting prior to this meetup. That was/is a big blow to my self-esteem. It sucks, but you pick up and move on. There are BILLIONS of people on this planet. You sometimes have to go through a lot of fluff to find the ones you are compatible with. It's all part of the process.
Author fromlonelytogreat Posted November 26, 2008 Author Posted November 26, 2008 Any suggestions on what I could do? Internet?
cybersister Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 well, just cos you did n't hear back from the group you thought was going to meet does not mean you are powerless. You could create something. Sometimes people intend to meet up but they each think someone else will inititiate. And ( and I have not read your earlier posts ) you have to change something in what you do. If do always do what you always do you will always get what you always get. Work less. And become a friend to someone. to get a friend you have to be one. Volunteer and do good deeds. It will make you more interesting, put some perspective on your life and make you feel good about yourself
georgehutton Posted December 3, 2008 Posted December 3, 2008 Join some clubs Join toastmasters (that would be the best) Do some charity Do some volunteer work. (X-max coming up probably alot of ops for this one) hang out in the same restaurant every day at the same time and practice talking to the waiters, waitresses. lots of stuff. get creative. ask yourself as you fall asleep "I wonder how i could become more social..."
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