Lonely, and in a NEW relationship!

[marlynshopgrl]

:(

I’ll TRY and make this brief. I’m currently dating someone for the past 4 months with two very small children (twins), he is a sweet man but between his demanding career and being almost a FULL time DAD (long story) he barely has time for me. I most definitely spend more time by myself than with him, even though he only lives two blocks from me. We are also very different (ying and yang), he is quite country and very laid back, I’m more of a classy sofisticated business woman (Urban cowboy meets Breakfast at Tiffany’s, if this analogy helps). SO my problem is, I am truly lonely. I run a very large company, things are going smoothly (thank God) so I have a lot of free time, my friends are all married most with children, and then there’s me! Most weekends I’m alone!!! Take tonight (and last night) he is with his children, for Thanksgiving he will be with his children and his ex’s family.

I just feel torn, is this even something I should stick with. I’ve even made a list (I must have a lot of time )

 

Good Not so good

Sweet Has not time for me

Good Heart Current living situation

Loving 4 year old rambunctious twins

Affectionate Can be moody

Happy Demanding job/home life

Makes me laugh Not as sexual as I am

Thinks highly of me A bit irresponsible w $

Can say the sweetest things No idea howto discipline his twins

Hard worker

Family Man

Good family values

Good Job

 

Does someone understand? Does anyone have any advice? I enjoy being with him and we make each other laugh like fools, but I come with ZERO baggage (NO issues from credit, exs, debit, NOTHING) he comes with quite a bit!! Am I being to whinny and clingy? Before you answer that, I see him two our of the seven days...........

[Shygirl15]

How often do you talk on the phone? That can fill in the gaps, sometimes. I see my BF once or maximum twice a week (lives 90mins drive away), but we talk daily for hours so I don't feel I miss out anything. Again, I'm alone this weekend as he's also babysitting his kids .

 

If you're not happy with the current situation, you may want to bring it up with him and see how you can sort it out. He will not know if you're troubled by this if you don't say anything.

[marlynshopgrl]

Thank you for your reply. I’ve mentioned it, I mean we have truly discussed it but he states he can’t give what he doesn’t have. We have started to incorporate our time with the kids, but they are so ill behaved and he just has no idea how to discipline (long touchy subject). We talk once a day and do the texting thing throughout the day (as I said he work and home life are nonstop), and that was okay for a little while, but even that is very impersonal.

I feel like I’m being clingy, but then I think "why be in a relationship where I am alone all the time, I might as well be alone and be available to date".

[Shygirl15]

No, I don't think you're being clingy at all. Infact you have a valid concern. But if you have talked about it and no solution was found, it may be time to move on. He may be a good guy and all, but so are plenty others with less baggage and more time to spend with you.

[SushiX]

Sometimes being in a relationship is lonelier than being single. It seems like its bothering you already. Imagine your life like this forever..I dont think anyone would put up with this for too long. The choice is yours.

[Agent_99]

I kind if agree with everyone else. If you two have talked about it, but no real solution comes up, then maybe it is time to start looking around again. I don't think it means you have to stop seeing him, but it couldn't hurt to start dating elsewhere too.

 

~99

[shockandawed]

I guess it depends on if you are looking for a relationship or casual dating partner. From what you have posted, he seems like a great friend or casual date, but not much chance for anything long term.

 

You have stated diffferences in your sexual desires, interests and most importantly your beliefs on child raising. That is a major dealbreaker in itself. You are showing little tolerance towards them or their behavior. That is ok as you are in a different situation.

 

Like you, I bring little baggage to the table. I have a good relationship with my ex and my kids are older teens. I dated a girl back in the summer who had a small son. While we had a blast together, my tolerance of how she raised her child and the manner in which they lived grew smaller and smaller. You can improve your sex life, but his children are 4.

 

The bottom line is what you are wanting out of a relationship isn't being met with this one. Doesn't mean you are petty or he is a bad guy, just that his circumstances and lifestyle leaves you void of what you wish for.

 

 

Keep him as a friend and casual dating partner if you wish, but I don't see this working as a long term relationship.

[marlynshopgrl]

Thank you all for your advice, unfortunately I agree with what everyone has said. I'm usually the person that eventually moves on quickly, and I was hoping to STOP doing this BUT it seems he IS casually dating me while I'm sitting home waiting to spend time with him (how pathetic!) and wanting more!

 

Agent 99, I can't see other people while seeing him, been there done that and came to realize Karma can bite back hard!

 

This truly sucks!!!

[Agent_99]

I'm starting to think that all dating sucks I recently made the decision to only date one person whom I really like. Partly because I don't have time to keep dating various people and somehow it takes a lot of energy from me to go on all these first dates just to realize I don't like them/they don't like me enough t o pursue anything further.

 

The thing is she wants to take things really slow and just date. Which I think I'm okay with, but we are having communication problems as to exactly what that means to each of us.

 

My situation works for me though, while it really sounds like yours doesn't work for you.

 

~99