How do they do it?

[alwayssme]

I have never been the "dumper", this was my first serious relationship. I ahve rejected people as in "Sorry, I don't like you like that" type of thing but I was never with them, never promised them anything. I swear I really am having a hard time understanding how some people can cheat, lie, or tell you they want to marry you and then leave you and not care to look back. I don't. Maybe it's me, I'm a loyal and honest person and I guess there are all kinds of people out there, but I thought the one I had was NOTHING like that. It has been 2 weeks NC and he has not tried to contact me NOT ONCE! He knows what I'm going through. Two years of spending so much time with someone and all of a sudden you just don't care? Or wait, as everyone here says they are "grieving the relationship" while they're with you. That's not fair! How can they do while they're telling you they are willing to do everything to make it work and they love you? But deep down know they're gonna break your heart? A relationship is between two people and I truly didn't think it would come to this. It's like I can't get ANY relief or satisfaction out of this, he has dissapeared. I don't know how most people's relationships are but one thing I can tell you, mine felt so real. He was my best friend, my confidant, my boyfriend, I considered him a part of me. We used to cry holding each other whenever we would fight and promise each other we would NEVER let each other go because love & friendship like this doesn't come around too often. What happened? Although it has gotten easier, I still miss him and I'm so confused, guess I will never understand. I cannot believe all this hurt is coming from HIM!! the one that always alwayssss knew how to brighten my day!! It's rediculous and I feel so stupid and hurt because I know he has moved on and me? Well I still love him when I shouldn't I still hope that he would just call me, or miss me. But the sad part is that even if he did miss me or want me back, he wouldn't come back. He would just put his feelings away, and that hurts me. It's as if he didn't want to love me anymore and instead of working it out, he just left. I feel so dumb even writing about this. Just wanted to post my feelings before I start writing my essay!

[lofi_tokyo]

Theres nothing wrong with posting how you feel Always! My heart goes out to you.

 

Who knows how they do it.

 

I guess they just know for a while that we're not the ones they want to grow old with. They just don't tell us until they are 100% sure. Then they dump us, and move on. It hurts for them saying goodbye, but its a necessary hurt so they, like us, can move on to find better loves.

[Tinkerbelll]

It would be just too hurtful to me to think that someone I felt in love with, would INTENTIONALLY hurt me.

I prefer to think that great loves return, no matter what..and otherwise, it wasn't just meant to be.

[EmperorR]

It's disgusting, if you don't want to be with me then just dump, you don't have to cheat and lie. As well if they emotionally checked out earlier, its selfish to drag someone along for months while they take their time to check out etc.

[hereandnow]

Yes it is very hard. This was my first relationship too, even though I'm 27. It's really opened my eyes to the pain in this world. I've been through depressions, prison time, drug induced psychoses, getting sober, nothing hurt like this. I think it's the fact that the other person is out there, doing what they do, without us, and we have no control over it. Horrible feeling.

 

But maybe, just maybe, we can look at this the other way. Think about how wonderful it is to have somebody want to be with you, even though you have no control over them. Know this will happen again!

[TeaAbraham]

Hmm.

 

I swear I really am having a hard time understanding how some people can cheat, lie, or tell you they want to marry you and then leave you and not care to look back.

Your post makes me so sad =-( Primarily because of the guilt I feel.

 

I was the one who felt that I didn't love her anymore. I was the one who was slowly trying to figure out if I really still loved her, and if we were really made for each other. I was the one who was emotionally checked out for so long when I wasn't sure if the relationship was working. I was the one who told her I wanted to marry her. I was right there when "We used to cry holding each other whenever we would fight and promise each other we would NEVER let each other go because love & friendship like this doesn't come around too often." But I was the one who was questioning our relationship. And so I wasn't loving her for months. And she would cry, and we would fight. But we never talked about our problems head on.

 

And so after months of not feeling my love, she changed, slowly. She stopped loving me. She stopped caring about me. And so when she said we ought to split, I thought it was the best thing we could do for each other. But then I realized what was wrong with our relationship. That it wasn't that our love was failing, it was just that there was this communication barrier that neither of us even knew existed. But then I found out she had been with her ex for weeks.

 

I guess I was right about those attributes that I felt were drawing us apart before the break up: her lying and dishonesty. I definitely did not do the right thing either though. I nurtured her lying and dishonesty by not being able to confront her and talk to her about it.

 

So I was the one who was essentially rejecting her for so long before she eventually rejected me. It was a terrible thing to do, but I just didn't know what was happening to our relationship that was ever so special.

 

So that is a story from somebody who questioned that eternal love that I thought we had.

 

That's not fair! How can they do while they're telling you they are willing to do everything to make it work and they love you? But deep down know they're gonna break your heart?

I definitely was feeling like I was going to break her heart. Because it seemed like it wasn't working out. But I so wanted it to work out, but something simply wasn't. So we stayed together in some half-assed relationship. We both loved eachother so much even during that time. But there just something wrong and we didn't know what to do about it.

 

My point is I was that unaffectionate, un-loving, eternal-love questioning guy who loved this girl more than anything in the world. I knew it was so true that love, but the relationship just seemed so poor. So we drudged on, and I was hoping after some time I would be able to see what was wrong with us and we would be able to fix it. But I never saw that until it was too late.

 

So there's my douche-baggery that I regret more than anything. That's how I did it. I guess I am not quite as bad because I realized how wrong I was. But still. Maybe if I had found a nice girl during that time maybe I wouldn't have. And I would have cheated on her. I don't know. It's easier for me to think right now that this potential to cheat and lie and deceit is some evil that she has inside her, and not something that I have in me.

[lofi_tokyo]

 

So there's my douche-baggery that I regret more than anything. That's how I did it. I guess I am not quite as bad because I want realized how wrong I was. But still. Maybe if I had found a nice girl during that time maybe I wouldn't have.

 

My ex did exactly what you did Tea, except while I started checking out, because he was checking out, he found a new girl and left me for her.

 

But um... everything you just described was me and my ex. Its unbelievable actually. Literally the same emotions and issues. Part of me wonders if shes a rebound, and that he'll miss me someday? Or do you think if you met a new girl while you had been checking out you would have just moved the hell on?

[TeaAbraham]

My ex did exactly what you did Tea, except while I started checking out, because he was checking out, he found a new girl and left me for her.

Mmm, yes. That very well could have been me. I am so glad that I didn't though. Otherwise I would have been the one just jumping into new relationships as a way of dealing with issues instead of confronting them.

 

Part of me wonders if shes a rebound, and that he'll miss me someday? Or do you think if you met a new girl while you had been checking out you would have just moved the hell on?

In all honesty it really would have depended on the girl. If somehow I had met some perfect girl who really meshed with me, I probably would have moved the hell on.

 

On the other hand, if it was just some girl who I had just some similarities with, I would definitely say it would have been a rebound and that I would have missed the f*cking hell out of her after I realized how much I screwed up.

 

I, personally, would never have given up trying on my relationship unless I had met that perfect person though, and have never gone after a girl who I don't have extreme feelings towards on a level deeper than looks and all that. So for me if I had left her for a new girl it would not have been a rebound.

 

But I don't want to admit that I would have let ANY girl, no matter what she was like, enter my life while I was with my ex, no matter how bad I was feeling about my relationship. It might be true though. Thinking about that takes away any argument I have against my ex doing anything wrong =-\ Which makes me feel like it's all my fault and makes me regret incredibly behaving how I did and makes me wish I could go back in time and do something differently.

 

Obviously I'm not your ex so I can't speak for him and his new girl. He may not be so picky in having a strong bond with a woman to start a relationship with as I do. The chances of him having met a perfect girl are definitely slim to none though, so something isn't going to work out in the long run. I would suspect it is a rebound if he is not so "picky" as am I. But why does it matter to you? He is the same guy in either scenario. The only variable is the chemistry he has with his new chippy. He's just jumping on the best possible opportunity presented to him without any moral integrity. I sure hope that's now what I would have done =-(

[lofi_tokyo]

I think it matters to me because I want him back. Lol.

 

Ewww. A week ago I had totally moved on, but for whatever reason I am back to square one. I can't even pretend not to be pathetic. ;p

 

So yeah.

Did he meet an amazing girl? Well I was in Japan when he started things up with her. They went on a few dates, never acknowledged them as dates, since he was with me, but thats what they were.

 

There are a lot of things I can see being problems for them in the long run, but I'd say hes happy. He found another girl whos into video games, like him. The only thing is shes super super shy, and super cutesy and geeky, which he has told me in the past he hates.

 

So I'm not sure. Its possible he found a super good girl for him. Hes pretty picky, but I feel like he dropped his standards a bit with her. So who knows.

[TeaAbraham]

Haha. Well you should probably stop dwelling on it if that's the reason.

 

Hard to say though. If the ultimate question is: Will he miss you later on? you should probably step back and say: Do you really care if he will miss you later on?

 

If he does miss you he would be missing you as a last resort and because he can't find some other chippy, not because you really mean something very special to him. That's hard to accept, but in the end he's not worth it if he can just jump into another relationship like that. It means you aren't really special to him and so he's not worth the energy. You will be to somebody else.

[lofi_tokyo]

Haha. Well you should probably stop dwelling on it if that's the reason.

 

Hard to say though. If the ultimate question is: Will he miss you later on? you should probably step back and say: Do you really care if he will miss you later on?

 

If he does miss you he would be missing you as a last resort and because he can't find some other chippy, not because you really mean something very special to him. That's hard to accept, but in the end he's not worth it if he can just jump into another relationship like that. It means you aren't really special to him and so he's not worth the energy. You will be to somebody else.

 

Sigh, you're right. Thank you for reminding me of the truth I keep fighting.

 

Sometimes I think my ex and I just fought so much in the end, as much as we loved eachother, it was too emotional, and he needed an escape for a while - this girl. I want to think if we grow more as people, we can work out in the end. But thats naive.

[TeaAbraham]

Sometimes I think my ex and I just fought so much in the end, as much as we loved eachother, it was too emotional, and he needed an escape for a while - this girl. I want to think if we grow more as people, we can work out in the end. But thats naive.

 

Whoa. No need to validate his behavior, haha. Everybody has choices to make. That wasn't the only avenue he could have taken. In a healthy relationship I don't think going to another girl is how you escape. That's not how relationships work. Well I guess it depends on your culture, but ... to me it seems odd. I don't want to be in relationships where you escape to other people for a while when things are down. There is no integrity there.

 

You're the one who is growing, he is the one is is running away. Why not be with someone else who is growing/grown too, or is at least willing to grow. Not someone who is stagnating.

 

I too am naive. I am stuck not wanting to let go of feeling that my "true love" is gone. I want to believe that we are true and that we will make it through this! Obviously my ex doesn't believe in that "true love" we had together anymore, to say the least. I dunno. But guess what! True love takes two. True love isn't you sitting on the sidelines waiting for him to be done with this girl. You don't have to stop believing in true love, it's just that it's meant to be with somebody else.

 

Although I don't really believe that on the inside, that this situation is the best of all possible worlds. I believe I messed up and this situation didn't have to be like this, aha. Oh, pain.

[alwayssme]

tokyo me and you think so much alike..lol

or maybe heartbreak makes humans react and feel so similar..

i want my ex back...wat the hell??!!!!!

it has been a couple days that I feel like i'm back to the begining (not as bad of course) so pathetic i actually wish NC would at least make him miss me. I hate that he has moved on. HATE ITTTTTTTTTTTTTT

[TeaAbraham]

Really feeling a pity party right about now, aha.

I want my little sweetie back too =-( Ah, weakness.

LS is good, but it would be really nice to have people in the same boat to actually talk to and hold!

Regardless, we must be strong! We can do this!

*Big group hug*

 

Dodged a bullet... dodged a bullet.

[BackonTrack2]

some people are selfish, some people only care about themselves. they left because they didn't want to be with you, they wanted to be with someone else. in essence they retired you, nothing was wrong with you, but you know, it was "old, wasn't working" so they used you until they got to the position they felt comfortable with with their new mates, then disregarded you with no remorse because they no longer needed you and already had your replacement line up.

 

thats how people are, thats how life is, just, you have to be smart enough to see it coming, chances are you seen it coming and without it happening to you once before, u never really know the signs to look out for, me personally, now since it happen to me, it can't happen again, i know the signs now and what they mean.

 

another female friend, started exhibiting the signs of my ex distanceing, at first they tried to work with you, then they became angry and upset at you, then they find someone else and things are cool, then them and the someone else gets more involve, they become closer, yada yada, then they start treating you like ****, then it has to be their way, when you object, they cuss you out like your the bad guy, and this contiunes until

 

a) you go NC

b) they tell you to **** off.

 

if B occurs, your ****ed, they won't come back, they already told you to **** off, but if a happens, then you took back the power and the ball is in your court and after some time, they come sniffing around, out of pure curiorusity with whatever issues were making them upset disappear.

 

just have to be smart and see the signs.

[JooLee]

the conversation between tokyovogue and teaabraham is really what i needed right now. i really needed that reminder because just like you guys, suddenly i feel myself slipping a little. aahhh i don wana be sad bout him anemore!!

 

guys! put yr head up and smile! dont let them get the best of you! you both give good advice , sometimes you gotta listen to your own advice too! (although i know its hard to apply them) but you will do no wrong in trying (which im sure you are)

 

at times like these i really thank my lucky stars for LS! lol

[EmperorR]

Sigh, you're right. Thank you for reminding me of the truth I keep fighting.

 

Sometimes I think my ex and I just fought so much in the end, as much as we loved eachother, it was too emotional, and he needed an escape for a while - this girl. I want to think if we grow more as people, we can work out in the end. But thats naive.

 

 

don't validate a cheater, if he needed a escape he should have dumped oyu before running to another women

[savvy_girl]

Hi AlwaysMe-

 

I honestly do not know how they do it, but it seems as if they do. I was dating my ex for 4 years, he had already bought the engagement ring and asked me to marry him, we were looking at houses, planned the wedding in our minds, went to look at wedding bands, he wanted to reset the original ring as he though diamonds on the sides would be nicer. We started to fight over stupid, non-issue things, which I see now as a sign of real issues, neither of us could identify or did not want to.

 

I trusted him completely, shared all of my secrets, helped him with his self esteem, etc. He knew when we were married his relatives would no longer be able to take advantage of him, as I would protect him from this. I wanted nothing from him but honesty & respect. I always offered to pay for dinner, outings, etc. He is very generous and can be easily taken advantage of. I would NEVER do that. OW/new gf does.

FF-his cousin's wife set him up w/ her relative, who was 15 yrs younger, and according to him 5', 89 lbs, 36D. Well I am 5'1", 92 lbs(which is too low for me, healthwise), flat chested, am 44, look about 10 yrs younger. HE was dating her prior to breaking up w/me. Once he knew she would be his exclusively, he dumped me. Our 4 years meant nothing. Then the lies started. The lies are unbelievable...he even stated his mother, who barely speaks enough english to converse, lied to me. COME ON?? I caught him in so may lies, without really trying to.

This person, who is a "holier than thou Catholic", swore on his mother's life and father's grave...this shows you how low they will go. He has no need to lie to me. WE are over, I acknowledge he is engaged to her, what can I do about it? I would not want someone to be forced into marrying me just because of time spent, and vice versa.

At least we can look at ourselves in the mirror and know we possess integrity, which these betrayers do not.

WIth that said , I know it must be difficult for the "dumper" to break it off w/ the dumpee, but after a few months-year, why continue the lies??

Know that there is someone better out there for you. For all of us, which we deserve,as we are genuine people who are able to love & care.

 

I wish all of you a Happy Thanksgiving, and am thankful I have internet friends with whom I can share my feelings with.

Now I have to go to work --I am "on call" for the OR, and of course we have to do an operation this morning!

Hugs.

Savvy

[Jenny123]

Thanks Back on Track ur words rang as clear as a bell 2 me. I was (b) 8 weeks ago and was a very close relationship to then be quickly replaced by another girl. Didn't see that one coming! If u have any tips or advice would be appreciated. Do they feel any remorse? Trying to get off the damn floor now!! Think this will always be a questionmark 2 me from talking about our future, loving me to don't contact me in the space of a few days! ;0

[Just_dealin_with_it]

Reading your conversation is so much like what I've been going through lately its creepy. I too questioned my feelings for my ex. Was I in love with her? Was she and the relationship right for me? I know that these thoughts had an affect on how I was with her in terms of displaying my feelings and making her feel loved. I had thoughts of ending the relationship many times, mainly because I didn't think either one of us were happy. Its funny how now that its over, I think a lot about what I could have done to fix things. There were so many times were I could have pulled her aside and told her what I was feeling and that I would have done whatever it took to fix things. I never did though. Too much pride on both sides I guess.

I have been in NC for about 2 months and broken up for about 3.5 months. I am pretty sure that she is now dating someone new, which still hurts of course. If it's the guy I am thinking of, she started dating him only a few weeks after our break up. She also didn't know him for very long before our break up. This all leads me to think that she knew something was up with him, leading to her initiating the conversation that lead to our break up.

I guess the biggest surprise is that if she allowed herself to even consider someone new, let alone cheating (which I do not feel happened) before we broke up, it goes against everything she claimed to stand for, and thus looks very selfish on her part. Especially since she always made me feel like if anyone would commit some sort of infidelity in our relationship it would be me. Ironically, I am the type of guy who would not do that, have never done that, and never did anything to make her feel like I would. She unfortunately she had some trust issues, and no matter what I did, her suspicion never seemed to totally go away. Despite the fact that things could have been better between us, they were not horrible, and I would not have let someone else come between us. I would have rather our relationship end on it's own without the need of a security blanket (someone new) on the horizon. I thought she was the same way.

I also wonder if he is just a rebound. He is not someone I would have pictured her with based on what I knew of her after a two year relationship. It seems like her standards have been lowered a bit, and she jumped on the first opportunity that came her way. I guess this surprises me too. It should put me at ease, but it doesn't. If it is a rebound, will it make it easier for her to forget me or miss me more in time? Will she feel it was a mistake? Who knows? I suppose I'll never know, but its hard not wonder about these questions, and what seems like hundreds of other questions swirling in my mind. I guess the only remedy is good ol' time. Which seems like forever sometimes. I guess there's no growth or lesson learned without some pain and suffering, and there's no suffering without pain and time. Just wish those little moments when I feel good would last longer thats all.

I suppose this incredibly long post is silly because I questioned my feelings for my ex, yet I am moping and regretting the end of the relationship anyways. I guess putting my thoughts into these anonymous sentences for anyone else to read is therapeutic in a way. Thoughts seem less jumbled and it slows down a racing mind that seems so scattered at times. I guess it just helps to make sense of why I am feeling what I am feeling, hopefully it will be helpful not only to me but to anyone who takes the time to read it all.

[Surfer Dude]

I suppose this incredibly long post is silly because I questioned my feelings for my ex, yet I am moping and regretting the end of the relationship anyways. I guess putting my thoughts into these anonymous sentences for anyone else to read is therapeutic in a way. Thoughts seem less jumbled and it slows down a racing mind that seems so scattered at times. I guess it just helps to make sense of why I am feeling what I am feeling, hopefully it will be helpful not only to me but to anyone who takes the time to read it all.

 

I think it's pretty normal what you are experiencing. I doubt no one ever had any thoughts of breaking up at some point, even if their relationship was going well. I was also contemplating breakup at some point when we ran into some issues, but I decided I wanted to work through it because she was worth it and I loved her so much. Of course, I got dumped several months later and now I feel sorry that everything ended. Too bad she wasn't sharing my enthusiasm about fixing the problems and making our relationship succeed.

 

I'm also disappointed in the timing she decided to break things off. Instead of telling me honestly that she wasn't happy anymore and that she wanted freedom (or whatever her reason was), she decided to keep me until someone interesting showed up, then cheated on me and dumped me. It's really sad how many people don't want to break up without a security blanket, like you mentioned. I guess it just shows they are not truly in love, they are rather staying in relationship because it's fulfilling their needs and they don't wanna be alone, with no one by their side.

[EmperorR]

Reading your conversation is so much like what I've been going through lately its creepy. I too questioned my feelings for my ex. Was I in love with her? Was she and the relationship right for me? I know that these thoughts had an affect on how I was with her in terms of displaying my feelings and making her feel loved. I had thoughts of ending the relationship many times, mainly because I didn't think either one of us were happy. Its funny how now that its over, I think a lot about what I could have done to fix things. There were so many times were I could have pulled her aside and told her what I was feeling and that I would have done whatever it took to fix things. I never did though. Too much pride on both sides I guess.

I have been in NC for about 2 months and broken up for about 3.5 months. I am pretty sure that she is now dating someone new, which still hurts of course. If it's the guy I am thinking of, she started dating him only a few weeks after our break up. She also didn't know him for very long before our break up. This all leads me to think that she knew something was up with him, leading to her initiating the conversation that lead to our break up.

I guess the biggest surprise is that if she allowed herself to even consider someone new, let alone cheating (which I do not feel happened) before we broke up, it goes against everything she claimed to stand for, and thus looks very selfish on her part. Especially since she always made me feel like if anyone would commit some sort of infidelity in our relationship it would be me. Ironically, I am the type of guy who would not do that, have never done that, and never did anything to make her feel like I would. She unfortunately she had some trust issues, and no matter what I did, her suspicion never seemed to totally go away. Despite the fact that things could have been better between us, they were not horrible, and I would not have let someone else come between us. I would have rather our relationship end on it's own without the need of a security blanket (someone new) on the horizon. I thought she was the same way.

I also wonder if he is just a rebound. He is not someone I would have pictured her with based on what I knew of her after a two year relationship. It seems like her standards have been lowered a bit, and she jumped on the first opportunity that came her way. I guess this surprises me too. It should put me at ease, but it doesn't. If it is a rebound, will it make it easier for her to forget me or miss me more in time? Will she feel it was a mistake? Who knows? I suppose I'll never know, but its hard not wonder about these questions, and what seems like hundreds of other questions swirling in my mind. I guess the only remedy is good ol' time. Which seems like forever sometimes. I guess there's no growth or lesson learned without some pain and suffering, and there's no suffering without pain and time. Just wish those little moments when I feel good would last longer thats all.

I suppose this incredibly long post is silly because I questioned my feelings for my ex, yet I am moping and regretting the end of the relationship anyways. I guess putting my thoughts into these anonymous sentences for anyone else to read is therapeutic in a way. Thoughts seem less jumbled and it slows down a racing mind that seems so scattered at times. I guess it just helps to make sense of why I am feeling what I am feeling, hopefully it will be helpful not only to me but to anyone who takes the time to read it all.

 

 

Sounds the same like my story, ex cheated on me and dumped literally the first guy she meets going back to school he became her "friend" and now I know they are dating just two weeks after she dumped me. This guy isn't special at all, I was with my ex for 3 years and I know how she picky she is that's why I was so shocked . But knowing my ex I know she hates being alone, so I wasn't so shocked that she would be dating someone so quickly, I know her type. And I guess that's the thing that we always wonder is it a rebound relationship, will it make them know what they lost or are they even more happier than they were with us, considering the new ffreshness honeymoon stage that quickly ends. I don't know and that's why I maintain NC, I know her relationship with this herb will probably fail, but I know she will just hop onto another one.

 

My ex was always the same thinking I would cheat, most of my freinds prior were females and I had to give them all up to satisfy her needs. I almost wasn't in my sister's wedding yes my own sister's wedding because she was scared of me spending the whole day latched onto another female.. And in the end she is the one who cheated on me, something I would never ever do.

 

I also thought of breaking up with my ex numerous times, one time I was so close to it and she cut herself and I got scared of what she would do and like a idiot, i changed my mind. Even throughout the years it was my mind sometimes but because of love etc. I worked through those thoughts.

[TeaAbraham]

I'm also disappointed in the timing she decided to break things off. Instead of telling me honestly that she wasn't happy anymore and that she wanted freedom (or whatever her reason was), she decided to keep me until someone interesting showed up, then cheated on me and dumped me. It's really sad how many people don't want to break up without a security blanket, like you mentioned. I guess it just shows they are not truly in love, they are rather staying in relationship because it's fulfilling their needs and they don't wanna be alone, with no one by their side.

 

This part really ticks me off. I was so weirded out when she told me so calmly that she thought we should call it off and just be friends. Not the kind of thing she would do. But then I found out it was because she had somebody else all teed up. It's like, f*ck. I mean that's pathetic. And she even says "I am my own independent person now, I know how it looks, but I really am my own person now." I don't know why it makes me so angry how she is even lying to herself about the situation. But I guess that's how she is capable of doing what she did. She must tell lies to herself to rationalize her behavior.

[4by4]

It is so true in a typical long term relationship, the person doing the dumping checks out months before and starts planning his/her life without you. Even if they didn't start cheating, hooking up or become interested in other guys/girls.

 

My ex clearly lied to me about her feelings, even telling me a week before breaking up she loved me deeply. Now I could see the signs! She was pulling away slowly, by attending social events and meeting up with new/past friends, telling me she was busy in the lead up to Xmas and we shouldnt expect to meet up too many times, she stopped making an effort to see me, stopped coming over to say hi to my folks etc etc. It got to a point where I could no longer just keep my feelings inside and I told her we needed to spend more time together (we were seeing each other twice a week at best, she met up with her friends a lot mor than that), then she uses that as a convenient excuse to dump me, saying I was putting way too much pressure on her.

 

It's hard to notice all those things when you are in a reltaionship, I thought I was giving her more freedom and allowing her to live a balanced lifestyle, with me in the picture. Clearly she took that a step further and ditched me completely after finding her "balance".

 

When we broke up, she wanted to keep me as a friend and said she still loved me as a friend but she no longer felt the romantic connection. Clearly she is putting on yet another lie to keep me around as a back up plan! Her reasons for breaking up was even more absurd, she says she is sick of relationships yet she has barely been single for more than 6 months throughout the past 7 - 8 years. The norm is after 2 - 3 months she moves on with a new guy.

 

The lesson to learn here is always keep a lookout on early signs of withdrawal. You may be able to address it. I think in my case I just didn't feel strongly enough for her in the end to make a desperate bid in keeping her. I've decided to elt go since then because even though i still love her I know I can live without her. People, never stick around as a friend because you'll only end up hurting yourself even more! I've told her I don't wana be friends or have anything to do with my ex. I start NC and I'm bracing myself for the day she shows off her new BF. I just wonder if maybe she already has someone in mind?

[EmperorR]

the whole checking out is such a mean thing to do, if you feel different tell the person right then and there, instead of planning and dropping the bomb, if you told and dumped that person earlier they would have moved on by now and so would you, instead the selfishness of that person , always them to have everything in order so when the ydump you they dont need anything from you anymore while your there clinging and a mess.