wayfaerer1 Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 Hey guys, Little update - Monday, earlier this past week, my ex sent me a text message, "Hey! I was just thinking about you, wanted to say hi and see how you are doing..." I ignored it, erased the message right after I read it. I feel good about ignoring it, and I know trying to talk to her isn't going to help me any, so I've been trying to suck it up and deal, but it's rough. She's been on my mind a lot lately, I even had a dream last night about her, just terrible... I used to always wonder to myself, "I wonder if I back off completely and really let her feel what its like for me to be gone out of her life, how would she react? Well I guess now I know, of course, it doesn't help me. She's obviously been thinking about me, after all, we've known each other for over 4 years, dated for 3.5 years, and we were best friends, not just BF and GF. So, I suppose it's only natural that eventually she'd start to wonder what I've been doing and what not. But I know, deep down inside my soul, that I cannot give her the time of day - she betrayed me and maybe I can forgive her for that given time, I certainly can't now, it's been almost 3 months now since she broke up with me. I feel better than day 1 felt, but it still burns. I think the reason she's been on my mind a lot lately is because the holidays are coming up, and she's coming home from college for Thanksgiving, it's almost as if I can feel her presence because she'll be back in town. The thing is, if she hadn't cheated on me, this probably wouldn't be so difficult. I'm not really asking for advice, I just needed to vent a little. There is really nothing anyone can do to make this crap go away. I have to take this thing head on. I'm meeting up with a lady today (met her a few weeks ago), I'm certainly not looking for anything, but it's nice to have female friends (all my friends are guys typically) just to have some fun with, talk to, whatever. I'm nervous as hell, but what have I got to lose? Better than sitting around moping and feeling sorry for myself I guess. Anyway, hope everyone else is doing alright - Rooting for the rest of you as well. Take care.
EmperorR Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 good luck on your date etc., I remember when my ex imed something like that hey how are you doing, I just blocked her and signed off, funny how they didn't care or think how you were doing when they were screwing some other person. And I know how it feels exactly, if my ex never cheated on me I would have been over this already, just the betrayal, the lies, picturing her screwing some other guy just pollute my mind sometimes daily.
alwayssme Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 i think the worst thing about losing someone you love is when you knew them for so long, were best friends as well as lovers, did everything together...this person was our support, the one we trusted and of course cared for deeply. Then one day the person we knew is gone and now they either cheated on us or just simply walk out on us. Believe me it's not simply about the fact they cheated, if anything I think that would bring out anger and make you hate the person...it's simply about losing the one you loved and were so used to having in your life. And knowing there is no turning back.
trueblue72ny Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 your posts are giving me strength. glad i am not the only one in this situation. i just told my ex gf if she is looking to date then we cant talkanymore. this was just yesterday. so the wounds are still fresh. but i am suffering. she says she wants to be friends and all that too. i finally got to the point after 4 months of her putting the carrot on the end of a stick, to tell her no! im not intersted in being your chat buddy if thats what your going to do! it took a lot! we were together almost 4 years.
JooLee Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 I'm nervous as hell, but what have I got to lose? Better than sitting around moping and feeling sorry for myself I guess. im loving your attitude! keep it up!
Author wayfaerer1 Posted November 22, 2008 Author Posted November 22, 2008 Yeah, that's really it - Right after we broke up she wouldn't give me the time of day, completely ignored me. So now that she wants to talk to me, I'm supposed to forget the way she treated me? And I was the one who told her that I needed time without talking to her and she agreed and understood. And I figured it would only be a matter of time before she grew curious, and I was right. So about a month after I told her I needed no contact, she IMed me. I talked to her briefly, which was stupid, but I made it seem like I wasn't interested, just giving one word responses and letting her do the talking. Then I just told her I had to run. Then like a week and a half later she texts me, I ignore it, then 2 more weeks later (the other day) she texts me again, and again, I ignored it. I don't hate her, I just don't like getting stabbed in the back. I'm a pretty forgiving person, but this one may take a long time.
Gere51 Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 I don't understand how they can just keep contacting one as if nothing happened. My girlfriend dumped me the day after Memorial Day this year and had I not gone NC I'm convinced she would still try to stay in contact. I asked her why she wanted to remain in contact and her response was "because I like you". Like me, after she told me I was the love of her life up until the hour she broke it off? I'll never understand the mindset of the dumpers. I've ended relationships before but I've cut off contact because I think it confuses the other person and makes them believe there's still a chance.
Surfer Dude Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 I don't understand how they can just keep contacting one as if nothing happened. My girlfriend dumped me the day after Memorial Day this year and had I not gone NC I'm convinced she would still try to stay in contact. I asked her why she wanted to remain in contact and her response was "because I like you". Like me, after she told me I was the love of her life up until the hour she broke it off? I'll never understand the mindset of the dumpers. I've ended relationships before but I've cut off contact because I think it confuses the other person and makes them believe there's still a chance. The reason they want to stay in touch is to avoid the whole guilt trip thing. Dumping someone isn't easy (unless you're disrespectful towards them, but then you never really loved that person) and they are aware of it. Since most dumpers are selfish and can't see past their own benefit, they will want to keep you around as a friend to make themselves feel easier. And also to gain some benefits from that awkward "friendship", in a way "hey I don't like you in a romantic way and I dumped you, but you're convenient enough for me to have you around as an ego booster or emotional support when I feel down". At least that's what happened to me (and many other people). But it's not really up to dumpers to decide whether to pull NC or not, it's a privilege we dumpees get. We get to decide whether to keep them in our lives (or not) and to what extent. And if the dumper has a sick mind and non existing heart, they will try to pull the same thing my ex pulled; contacting me and then telling me about every new date, sex adventure and event in her love life. It was like being forcefully subscribed to an RSS feed on her love life.
Recommended Posts