TeaAbraham Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 If you came running back to me, telling me you're sorry, begging me to be with you again, saying you made the worst mistake of your life, what would my answer be? Right now it would be "yes" But for me to be over this, it has got to be "No!" What would your answer be? If it's no, how did you get there? Can you be over this and still have the answer be yes? It hurts so much knowing that my answer is still resoundingly: yes.
EmperorR Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 It would have to be No, even though I would want to say yes. I couldn't not after being cheated on kicked to the curb, lied to saying she wanted to be alone then in another man's arm a week later. Not to mention all the hurtful things she said to me.
Surfer Dude Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 I would surely tell her no. I just wouldn't have the capacity to trust her ever again. And that would doom our relationship to failure once again. When the dumper turns around and begs the dumpee to take him/her back, the dumpee usually does so. But after a while, when the dumpee sees that they can't relax and enjoy the relationship in the same capacity as before, they are the ones who decide to end the relationship once and for all. What's the point of trying to fix a broken toy which will break once again, when you could go to a store and buy a brand new one?
lofi_tokyo Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 In my situation, my ex is not gonna come back begging and pleading. And you know what else? I don't think ex's actually do that! lol Most dumpers, when they want to come back, start slowly... they get the conversation ball rolling, they talk about how their lives are going, and eventually they start to talk about missing the person they dumped. Maybe they hint at getting back together. Maybe they'll say they made a huge mistake... but even then, they're not begging for the person back, they're just kinda... saying things candidly. From there is the dumpee's choice to proceed with things further. If the dumpee agrees that they missed the person, then maybe they'll go on a few dates, see where things go. If the dumpee does not reciprocate, I think the dumper generally fades back into obscurity. RARELY have I heard of a dumper BEGGING for an ex back. Anyways, if my ex did the whole... subtlety trying to get me back deal, how would I react? My ex is never coming back! That I am 100% certain of! Sometimes I like to pretend he will, or convince myself he'll want me back, but the truth is, hes long gone. So its not even a yes or no matter for me, its done already! Broken up means they're not that into you. I don't really believe in second chances - for those that have worked through them, all the power to you - but its not something to hold out for. If you had problems the first time around, they'll likely come back unless both people in the relationship have matured and are committed to making it work the 2nd time. Even then, if a couple spends considerable time apart - lets say a few years - the two people grow, get more mature... well they may miss their ex's, but I think generally when they get back together they realize things are just TOO different. So yeah. The best way to get to your "no" answer is to just realize it does not matter what your answer to the question is: you are never getting the same person back. Even if they come back for a while, dynamics will have shifted. Some couples get back together and get married - but its SO uncommon. Don't hold out on it.
JooLee Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 it used to be yes all the way, then i realised what a jerk he is and how he doesnt deserve me. now, i cant 100% say that i'll say no, but it is the wisest thing to do. like what the rest said, it wont be the same anymore, trust is gone etc etc. so the best thing is to stop obsessing about them and focus on us doing better on our own. however, i still have that secret wish that he'll come back and i'll flatly reject him to his face. guess ive still got resentment in me. haha. i just hope life will give him a taste of his own medicine. perharps then i'll be truly satisfied
movingonandon Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 If you came running back to me, telling me you're sorry, begging me to be with you again, saying you made the worst mistake of your life, what would my answer be? Right now it would be "yes" But for me to be over this, it has got to be "No!" What would your answer be? If it's no, how did you get there? Can you be over this and still have the answer be yes? It hurts so much knowing that my answer is still resoundingly: yes. You know, it doesn't have to be "no". It all depends on the circumstances of the break up, and what exactly the dumper did to rectify things. So take it as it comes, whatever comes.
SelfCentered Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 No way. I could never take her back. There's so many advantages for me being single right now in my life. I wont lie, I do still miss her and I do think/dream about her constantly, but she dumped me, I envoked NC, and I will never let her dictate or define my life ever again. But like the poster above me commented, in some circumstances saying yes could be right for you. Although in my own situation, and from what I know about friends and their breakups, saying "no" is usually a must.
foxh1234 Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 If you came running back to me, telling me you're sorry, begging me to be with you again, saying you made the worst mistake of your life, what would my answer be? Right now it would be "yes" But for me to be over this, it has got to be "No!" What would your answer be? If it's no, how did you get there? Can you be over this and still have the answer be yes? It hurts so much knowing that my answer is still resoundingly: yes. She did come back but too much had happened. Cheating, lies, fights, moving in with another guy, the list goes on. My heart wanted to take her back but luckily my mind won and I turned her down. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice and I must be a ****ing idiot.
sultry33 Posted November 24, 2008 Posted November 24, 2008 i think id say no... but in my mind if he came back im sure id say yes the reason... because together we was complete, happy and in love i miss that apart.. im sure he is ok..maybe better than ok me... im just me. the reasons he left was justified but the way he left was not. i wont beg or contact him no more and if he came back then it was meant to be however i think it wont matter if i say yes or no life will move on and i be with someone else im not made to be alone.
JooLee Posted November 24, 2008 Posted November 24, 2008 wow sultry.. i totally feel what you said.. and your last bit made me smile! i needed that! thx!
ahhhchooo Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 It would be have to be no. For her to even try it at this stage would cause me to think she is psychotic.
cubbie30 Posted November 26, 2008 Posted November 26, 2008 damn i would hope i would have the strength to say no. he was not good for me, made life difficult, etc. but those brown eyes . . . .
TacoBell Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 I'd say yes. I told my ex the last time we spoke that if ever she'll come back she's always welcome like a prodigal son to his father. I'm not hoping she'll come back though, that takes a miracle. I'm not sure if it's right, but I do think that she just made a terrible mistake, and if she wants to come back she deserves a chance to redemption even if she cheated and lied to me and hurt me and stuff.
EmperorR Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 I'd say yes. I told my ex the last time we spoke that if ever she'll come back she's always welcome like a prodigal son to his father. I'm not hoping she'll come back though, that takes a miracle. I'm not sure if it's right, but I do think that she just made a terrible mistake, and if she wants to come back she deserves a chance to redemption even if she cheated and lied to me and hurt me and stuff. you say that now, do NC for a couple of months and you'll see. My ex cheated on me 3 times, lied to me and went off with someone new and I told her I'll always love her and wait for her etc. but as weeks of NC turn to the months (now day 70) sorry nope.
WiseOne1 Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 Hmmmm I don't know, I'm over it and at the same time, I don't love her so I would probably take the chance, bassically because I would have nothing to lose or gain
spupwc Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 My head says "DON'T" NO!!!!! and my heart says YES!!!! n I have usually, almost always,no,always followed my heart. and that leaves me here, alone, devastated, and missing her like a fool.. she lied,cheated, and threw me to the curb... if she wud come running.....it wud be so hard to say no, trust is gone. damage is pretty much irreversable. blah.....
TacoBell Posted December 1, 2008 Posted December 1, 2008 you say that now, do NC for a couple of months and you'll see. My ex cheated on me 3 times, lied to me and went off with someone new and I told her I'll always love her and wait for her etc. but as weeks of NC turn to the months (now day 70) sorry nope. I'm doing NC. We're not talking for some time now. What are the chances she'll come back anyway? Very slim. I'm not putting my life on hold to wait for her to come back, but IF that does happen I'm saying yes.
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