onmyownagain Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 Hi, Not been on here for a long time, split from ex wife nearly a year ago and fine with all that. Been dating various women recently, not for very long most of the time because I can't find what I am looking for so move on. But I recently met someone who I really like. Only had three dates but was thinking how much I like spending time with her. But on Thursday night she had a few drinks and I noticed one of her nails on her thumb was a funny shape. She told me it is caused by years of cancer treatment. She has had breast cancer three times in her life but has been clear for 5 years. This year she's had breast reconstruction. This really shocked me and I didn't know what to say. We haven't slept together yet and I am concerned what I am going to find if I do. Also, my ex wife was ill for many years and I spent a lot of time with her near to death, not sure I am ready to get into something like that again. She texted me after I left her saying sorry for being a disappointment and she would understand if I didn't want to see her again. Help please!!
Lizzie60 Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 Where's the problem? She's cancer free.. has been for 5 years.. so she's mainly cured.. You like her.. then go with the flow.. at least she was honest with you.. You will never be 'protected' against illness.. it could be you.. Although I can understand your fear, what guarantee do you have that, even if you date a perfectly healthy woman, she won't have a car accident and stay handicapped.. or develop a cancer... then what? There is no guarantee in life against illnesses and accidents.. so if you live your life being on the defensive side .. you will miss the boat.. it's as simple as that.
JamesM Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 I know of a number of women who had breast cancer and have survived for many years....some over 25 years. And others have died fairly soon after diagnosis. The question is...do you want to have the opportunity to spend a few years (or it may be a lifetime) with someone who may is extraordinary for you and then experience the grief of losing...yet you will know that you had wonderful memories with her, or do you want to leave her now and never have those extraordinary memories to hold on to? Life is a gamble. Ironically, it is just as possible for her to lose you from a heart attack or something. We never know. I know how you feel, and I would have the same questions. And if I lost a wife to death, then I think I would have the same fears. But I also wonder if you won't have the fear of losing any woman to death even if she is healthy. I am not sure that you will get a satisfactory answer to this, but I do think that if you love her, then you will want to spend the rest of her life...or it could be the rest of your life...with her, because she is that special someone.
jason83 Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 My mother is (hopefully) going through the last few days of radiation treatment for breast cancer. She had a lumpectomy which only removes a small portion of the breast. She does have a scar but nothing bad. I realize that everyone differs. Ultimately, isn't health a bigger factor here? She's been healthy and cancer free for 5 years. She had reconstructive surgery and I'm sure she's very concerned about how she looks. Maybe she does have a scar or two. Does it really matter? I understand the shock or surprise of seeing something like this not knowing what to expect for the first time but go for her for the right reasons and it will all work out. Like others have pointed out, any one of us could have been in her same position. Heck, I might be in a car accident tomorrow morning for all I know. We take chances every day and unfortunately death is in all of our future. Enjoy life and enjoy the time you have with her. Look for something more meaningful than this superficial world we live in.
Love_Forest Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 Hi, This year she's had breast reconstruction. This really shocked me and I didn't know what to say. We haven't slept together yet and I am concerned what I am going to find if I do. breast cancer is pretty treatable if you detect it in a early stage since she had breast reconstruction must be safe now, she was brave to take this choice but now to remove her breast entirely. I do not think you have to worry about you may find there, because today's development in this area pay attention to save the woman life and to have the smallest possible scar, so she might have a scare as after breast job.
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