tryng to heal a past but have a man who is a pitfall to it

[coursing]

We have an almost 4 month amazing son. We both have teen daughters, mine is 18 and his is 16,

 

Our son was meant to be by pure accident and I felt there was a reason all the medical diagnostics kept it that way by chance.

 

Anyway, we now live together since Jan 08 and he lost his house in foreclosure so we had to move to another city to his grandma's house (whom passed away in feb 08). by the beach.

 

things just fell into place for us although i've been on stict bed rest until the baby was born. He was born in the first week of August and we were very happy.

 

being that i am 41, i was told that post pardum would hit me harder than a 21 year old. and it did!

 

they put me on adavan and low dose birth control since i was breast feeding and that made it even worse.

 

my bf is a total introvert, just like his daughter. we never talk about anything, we dont have dinners at the table. we dont do normal family things. the non talking kills me and has been for some time

 

ive been in weekly therapy for over a month and have now been put on every two weeks because of my progress. my bf is supposed to in two weeks with me.

 

he was an only child, and doesn't like to talk. so i bought the only child syndrome book and i don't want to talk about it. a depression book for men.

 

he tried to make me look like an alcoholic to my dr when i had post partum break down over a month ago. my dr talked to me and told me that she took about 1% of what he said and knew there had to be more because it is never just one person.

 

so anyway, last nite i had some wine, during the night my bf made comments should i drink that etc. i was doing fine but once he kept it up, i ended up taking a walk to chill but bought another one.

 

this is a man whom for the last 30 years of his life has drank of a daily basis as well as drives with his beer with his daughter and me when i was pregnant- i was to scarred to say anything.

 

now he's been drinking odouls - although i believe he is drinking outside the house because he comes home in good moods.

 

my point is - i went overboard with drinking - i know but it was out of frustration and i was disconnected at that time which is the diagnosis i have when things get to a non return point - i disconnect.

 

now he's calling me a psycho drunk and that i am not his girlfriend and i wont be getting the baby. \\

 

he's a man who doesn't know how to interact with the child unless i am righ there, otherwise the kid sits on his lap and cries.

 

i know i screwed up but this idiot drove me to it and it got to the point i couldn't take the emotional abuse!!! i called my therapist so i am waiting his call.

 

im tired and im tired of being made the proble child!!!!!!!!

[lonelyandfrustrated]

Would it be very hard to just not drink?

 

My H would blame our fights on me drinking. So I quit drinking. Guess what? We still fight, but i can stand here and say it has nothing to do with drinking, and he no longer has that as an excuse for the way he interacts with me (or I with him). So he has to deal with the real issues, instead of finding something to blame it on.

 

Remove the things you can from the conflict so you can get to the real problem!

 

You say he drove you to drinking; tell me, then, what could he do to get you to quit? I'm guessing...nothing. Ya know why? Because it's not his problem. It's yours.

[PandorasBox]

I'm sure you're aware its not a good idea to mix alcohol with meds. So keep that in mind.

 

It sounds like a toxic situation to me. You need someone to try to be understanding and supportive, not someone who is blaming, and calls names etc.

 

How dependent are you on him? Money wise that is. If you're not, or even if you are, you might need to take a break from each other while you both get yourself straightend out.

[luigie822]

Did your doc or therapist express concern over your drinking? They are the professionals, and are trained to recognize alcohol dependence. I'll reiterate PandorasBox by mentioning alcohol and meds should not be mixed, and you should ultimately heed the direction of your healthcare provider.

 

There is nothing wrong with a 41yo having an occasional drink. And you're definitely not the first person to go overboard! I'm not saying its ok to turn to alcohol when you're stressed, but you're not the first person to have done that. Don't beat yourself up about it... many people have made that mistake (myself included!).

 

Perhaps your bf needs educate himself on PPD. It sounds like he's not interested in supporting you through this difficult time. You need to surround yourself with those who have your best interest in mind. You definitely don't need to put up with name-calling! That's hurtful, childish and counter-productive.

 

If your bf chooses to remain ignorant on PPD, you might want to consider taking your baby and leaving. That might serve as a wake-up call to your bf. Do you have family or friends who can support you through this? PPD is a medical disorder, for which you're being treated. He needs to understand that and support you through it. If he doesn't, you and your baby deserve better.

 

Also, about him saying you'll never get your child, is his name on the birth certificate? He's just your bf and will have to go through DNA testing to prove he's the father. That needs to be established before he could even try to file papers for primary custody. And if you're saying he already has financial strain, he likely doesn't have the funds to support such an endeavor. It sounds like you're a good parent, you're getting treatment for your PPD and if your therapist doesn't deem you an alcoholic, you have absolutely NOTHING to worry about. If your therapist does think you have an alcohol problem, get treatment ASAP. No court would remove your child from you if you're actively seeking treatment and are sober. You could really make it challenging for him, if you wanted to... don't pay his threats any mind.