4by4 Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 Guys, My GF broke up with me a week ago. 4 years we had been together and I can tell you the initial 48 hours were hell. I didn't eat for the first 3 days and was a complete wreck at work. However, I feel A LOT better now and I just wanted to share with you how I was able to pull through. I do understand every relationship is different and there is no way to standardize feelings.. but I hope some of these tips can help you get through the day better, even if just a little bit. - No matter what happens, FORCE yourself not to make contact. No No No! - Know that if you REALLY love that person, you should let them find true happiness. - Wish your ex the best for his future, avoid feeling angry or depressed or lied to. Relationships are messy at the best of times. - Never blame yourself, both of your actions caused the end result. When 2 pieces of a jigsaw puzzle don't fit, how can you blame one side? - Never think of your relationship as a waste of time. I'm sure you learned a great deal about yourself because you got to see your strength and weakness in the most emotionally charged moments. You are mature, stronger and wiser. You have come out a much better person. - Don't think of your ex as "the one" or some special person who only come around once in your life. The universe has a mysterious way of bringing people together and you will DEFINITELY find yourself head over heels in love again. In fact try and literally imagine been with your next guy/girl doing your favorite activity (whatever that may be) and feeling complete. - Keep telling yourself to love yourself. That is absolutely one of the best things to keep in mind when moments get tough. Treat yourself to a pampering, a night out looking fantastic with friends, a nice holiday and a new wardrobe! - Fill your time with things you love doing. Make sure there is a mixture of physical activities like dancing, running, playing sports and not just watching tv. Make plans with family, friends and stick to it. Don't feel withdrawn, this is the time to step out and be fabulous. You'll feel so much better afterward even though initially you have to "force" yourself to get out there. - Divide your calendar up into 2 week blocks and focus on getting through it. This is especially helpful if you are dying to call your ex. Wait at least that 2 weeks and see how you feel, you may just decide to do another 2 weeks, and another, and another.. - Cry if you really have to! No shame in that. Listen to a couple sad songs and "make" the tears flow. You'll feel so much better afterward. Just make sure you are not crying constantly! - Get rid of absolutely everything that reminds you of him/her. I have all my ex's stuff in a box placed in the garage. I'm not ready to let it go completely just yet but it's out of my sight at least. - For people who are obsessed with checking their ex's online facebook/myspace status and want the feeling of been in control. Keep telling yourself SHE/HE IS FREE. You are no longer part of their lives, you have no say and no right to interfere. Even if they moved onto another partner, you just cannot let yourself be jealous/angry. Try imagine selling your favourite pair of shoes and then trying to have a say in when/where they should be worn. Sounds ridiculous right? - Stop contact with your ex. This is an absolute must. Sure many months or years could go by and you eventually make contact again and catch up. But you need time to lapse and firstly get your power and confidence back. I would suggest 6 months minimum of no contact with your ex before you try becoming friends. If they keep persisting on been friends and make contact, tell them to leave you alone. believe me they are just feeling the void and probably want to have you satisfy their egos, also giving you false hope. If they did want you back, they'll eventually get the idea you don't NEED them in your life and they'll know how to get in touch with you. - Understand in a few years, or even few months time, all this will seem so trivial. Do you remember something that caused you a lot of grief from way back? Do you still suffer the same pain today? I bet your answer is no. - For anyone out there who thinks they still have a shot at getting their ex back. Take my word for it because I talk from experience: don't keep hoping and instead live as if the breakup is permanent. Your ex will be wondering why you don't seem desperate in getting back with them. People are drawn to those who are self-assured and confident, not the type who begs to be with them. Play your cards right and he/she just may come running back. But at least if they don't you would have started the process of moving on. - Make sure you get plenty of support from those who love you. Family and especially parents can help you gain some clarity. They'll be so much more experienced in life and they'll awlays be there for you. Talk as much as you need to, let your feelings out. Soon you'll realize even you are sick of talking about it. - Never react to your ex. They could tell you they are dating again or do some really stupid/immature things during the initial period of breakup. This is why it's imperative not staying in contact. Whatever it is, put on a brave face, don't react and soon you'll feel no hurt. If you allow yourself to be stuck in the moment, chances are you'll do something you regret later. - Start talking to your friends from the opposite sex (or the sex you prefer to date). You are not cheating on anybody, you are single and available. A lot of the times you are going to be disappointed with some of the guys/girls you meet and it may make you feel your ex is so much better but at least you are out there again. Nothing beats getting your confidence back in front of people you could "potentially" date. If you had someone from way back that you didn't pursue anything with because you weren't single, now is the best time to invite them to coffee! I may have other tips but these are my best ones.. best of luck and I hope instead of thinking of your current state as "coping". See it as just a step in the direction of getting over your ex completely. It will happen and happen fast if you let yourself. And one last thing - if you don't want to get over your ex, you never will.
LittleDove Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 And one last thing - if you don't want to get over your ex, you never will. so true -this is my new belief. I have let go of the past. My future is bright. I like the entire post..thanks!!
Surfer Dude Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 Oh man, all this is so true. Thank you for putting all the useful info in this post, I'm sure it will help so many people.
frd150 Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 To add... Perhaps get a pet. They are loyal and provide unconditional love. They dont ask you to never leave them and then leave for another master two weeks later. Plus they keep you busy.
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