4by4 Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 Hi everyone, Firstly, I just wanted to thank you all for posting your stories and sharing your breakup experiences. It has helped me enormously in knowing exactly what to expect. It also makes me realize I'm not alone and my situation is not unique. Therefore, I want to share with you what I am going through with the hope of helping others who are experiencing heartache. A week ago, I was torn apart by the breakup from my girlfriend of 4 years. We had fought for several consecutive nights and she reluctantly agreed to meet me to sort things out. Once I was there, she told me face to face and was very candid it was time to end things. Her decision didn't come as a COMPLETE shock as this last couple of months she had (on numerous occasions) spoken of wanting to be single and not stuck in a relationship. However, each time I would always talk her into changing her mind as I felt she probably was going through a "phase". At times, that process of convincing her would take hours, other times it would take 2 mins. I must admit I was selfish for trying to tie someone down when they repeatedly stated it was time to breakup. I was just so scared of losing her. She is my first serious girlfriend and pretty much everything in my life revolved around her. I now realize how stupid it was to try and make her stay. Thinking back, I must have turned her off even more for acting so needy and desperate. Since breaking up last week, I have deleted her number and not contacted her (been 6 days which is the first time I have ever been able to do that). Some days are better than others, but I still experience moments of weakness. I noticed mornings are typically when I feel the worst but as the day goes by my mood improves. I do reckon the days are getting better and better though, which gives me a lot of strength to continue living my life to the fullest. I have since picked up a lot of forgotten hobbies, new interests and have tried to attend every social outing and arranging things to fill up my schedule with. I have also planned an overseas trip with the guys, revised my 5 year goals to pursue and became much closer to family and friends. There are lots of things I am looking forward to, including finding that special someone down the track. For now, I'm jut focused on getting over her completely and moving on with my life. I'll also be posting a thread in "Coping" section on how I am managing to get through the breakup. Feel free to comment.
Becca1979 Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 your doing everything right it's best to keep yourself distracted good luck to you
aiina Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 Since breaking up last week, I have deleted her number and not contacted her (been 6 days which is the first time I have ever been able to do that). Hello 4by4 I feel for you and what you are going through, you know we all here are or have been through the same. I liked this particular sentence from your post, because it's not just something you write, it takes lot of courage every NC day we achieve! You said this is the first time you are able to do this, you know what? she might have changed, but you are changing too. Maybe she was expecting you to try and get her back no matter what or how, but instead you are doing something for yourself and caring about yourself. When we are in a relationship, we became what we are to our significant other's sight. When they break up with us, it's normal that we start to feel we are 'something that has been rejected', and it takes time to start to see ourselves what our sight say we are, but it's possible and it feels great. On the other note, your ex too think they are (a bit?) what you made of them, so when you start NC they realise that they are no longer someone you would care of. It's great what you say about your family and friends. Keep on that, and let us know how you are feeling. ai.
autumnsweater Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 4by4 - although the actual details of my breakup are a little different to yours (although mine wasn't a COMPLETE shock either), the way I have dealt with it is pretty much exactly the same as you. I am also on 6 days NC and have been having the good and bad days, as well as good and bad hours. I also feel like it's getting better even if though I'm still at the stage where she's in my thoughts most of the time. So, just know that you're not alone and if I can stay strong, you can stay strong. It is tough, and it may get worse before it gets better but I feel as though we are both on the right track. Stay strong!
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