Compliments

[Storyrider]

I don't like spoken compliments that much. They have no value. I'd prefer compliments in the form of action. Give me a raise. Hang around. Laugh. Rely on me. Fall for me. Put me in your will. Share your life with me.

 

Of course, I can't accept compliments in those forms from everyone. But the good feeling from a spoken compliment lasts about as long as it takes for the person to say it.

Well, it is wonderful to have someone balance my checkbook and mow my lawn, but that doesn't substitute for telling me I'm beautiful.

 

Being idealized, even just a little bit now and then, is sexy. It is hard to keep this in a day-to-day relationship. If my life is in order, only one person can tell me I'm beautiful in any kind of meaningful way.

 

I can always hire an accountant and a lawn boy.

[Trialbyfire]

I'm sorry you've had that experience. My view is that men don't bother getting to know women unless they are attracted to them. And physical beauty plays a big part in that attraction. A guy who doesn't think you are beautiful is not likely to even notice you, much less get hooked on you at his core no matter if you are Marie Curie and Mother Teresa combined.

 

I'm not saying you have to be universally beautiful to all. But you do have to be beautiful TO HIM. HE has to think so, or it doesn't work.

One thing I should clarify is that it doesn't necessarily make shallow men, bad or terrible men. It's just a turn off for me. Personal preference.

 

I see what you're saying, in that it starts skin deep. Where I stand is that if doesn't progress beyond that really quickly, walk 'cause it won't change.

[orangehose]

Okay, here's where I sit on this topic.

 

When I get lavished with compliments from the opposite sex, it makes me feel they're being disingenuous, therefore it has the reverse effect that's intended.

 

TBF, I'm with you on this one. Guys who lather me with compliments instantaneously inspire distrust. Especially if they're about #1 - I assume they just want to get in my pants, and I'm more likely to reject them.

 

Once they've gained my trust, then sure, compliments are fine, particularly specific ones.

[norajane]

One thing I should clarify is that it doesn't necessarily make shallow men, bad or terrible men. It's just a turn off for me. Personal preference.

 

I see what you're saying, in that it starts skin deep. Where I stand is that if doesn't progress beyond that really quickly, walk 'cause it won't change.

 

Very true. There has to be more to it, or it doesn't work either.

 

Physical beauty is skin deep, but it also speaks to the gut level attraction, the primal level attraction women hold for men. It starts there, and it holds them, by the balls, so to speak. If there's nothing else there to attract them, though, there is no intimate connection formed.

[Trialbyfire]

Very true. There has to be more to it, or it doesn't work either.

 

Physical beauty is skin deep, but it also speaks to the gut level attraction, the primal level attraction women hold for men. It starts there, and it holds them, by the balls, so to speak. If there's nothing else there to attract them, though, there is no intimate connection formed.

Y'know what nj? I seriously thought about it and holding someone by the balls is counterproductive for me. I want the conscious choice of "she means this, this and this to me. I want to be with her".

 

So, to tie it into the thread topic, it appears that each person is different. Some need more, others need less compliments. Everyone has their preferences.

[SelfCentered]

1. About your looks, this could include your fashion sense, as well as physical attributes.

 

I don't have that great of an opinion about my looks so if someone I had just met complimented me on this, i'd think they were taking the piss. Seriously. I know that's an awful reaction to have but...a girl I hooked up with a few times before I dated my ex recently- out of the blue- told me she always thought I was hot and my reply to this was "Very funny".

 

2. About your intelligence.

 

Oh I'd love this! Seriously, if i'm engaging in a coversation with a girl and she ends it by saying something positive about my intelligence, i'd buy her a freakin' house.

 

3. About your emotions, ie. compassionate, empathy, kindness, etc.

 

This would be pretty sweet to hear. Some of us guys do like talking about emotions and stuff, and if I found a young lady comfortable to do this in a casual conversation, i'd be impressed!

[Ruby Slippers]

I like 'em all. The best ones, though, point out what is unique about me. That can fall under any of the categories.

[monkey00]

If I had to choose any of them from your list, it would probably be 3.

 

But I would actually prefer a compliment that is rare to hear such as expressive compliments. As long as it's said sincerely, and of course with the right expressions/body language. Making good EC and smiling or getting majorly into my personal space and saying it.

 

Of course any compliment should be said sparingly..say it too much and it will be meaningless.

[GoodOnPaper]

#1, hands down -- simply because that's my weakest suit of the three.

 

I have a PhD, so my internal validation for #2 is abundant. I don't take much stock in #3 -- being "nice" has turned out to be code for mundane, predictable, etc.

[2sure]

I am kind of in a position where I get "schmoozed" a lot. So I get compliments, both sincere and not, I'm sure. Its easy to compliment someone on the way they look or what they are wearing . But coming from the wrong person, or at the wrong event...it comes off cheezy.

 

The compliment that I most appreciate, and will remember...is when someone remembers something about the last time I met them. Something I said, maybe something I had on (like I said, depending), or something I have recently done that they have made note of. Or even ask about a vacation, my daughter, my dog. Its a huge compliment, in this busy world, when someone remembers something about you.

[MN randomguy]

#3 -- being "nice" has turned out to be code for mundane, predictable, etc.

 

 

+1

 

Ladies, don't ever tell a guy he's "nice" it means pretty much the same as a girl with a "nice personality" code for unattractive.

[Trimmer]

Well, I may be interpreting #1 more broadly than you intended it. I was thinking more about beauty overall, like in the Beatles' song Something, where George Harrison describes how amazing Patti Boyd was to him, the way she moved, the way she made him feel.

Talk about being complimented... To have inspired Something, Layla, and Wonderful Tonight (and possibly others!)

[amaysngrace]

Brimstone, I've only ever seen two ugly babies in my entire life, one with a very large rectangular head, the other with a really tiny head. Thank goodness they were both very large babies so I was able to compliment their mother's on the growth rate of both babies "How old is your baby now? Oh, wow, he/she's really growing fast. He/she will be tall, just like his/her mother/father!"

 

If you ever see a picture of an ugly baby and you don't want to be rude just say "ahh...look at the baby" in a little happy voice and pass the picture to someone else.

[Trialbyfire]

If you ever see a picture of an ugly baby and you don't want to be rude just say "ahh...look at the baby" in a little happy voice and pass the picture to someone else.

Or smile while looking at the baby and say "aren't babies adorable?".

[amaysngrace]

Or smile while looking at the baby and say "aren't babies adorable?".

 

You can leave out the other part "just not yours". That works well.

[Trialbyfire]

You can leave out the other part "just not yours". That works well.

 

Realistically speaking, there's always a way to sincerely compliment someone.

[amaysngrace]

 

Realistically speaking, there's always a way to sincerely compliment someone.

 

That's true enough. I don't really have a preference of compliments. They're all nice to hear.

 

I guess the most meaningful ones are from the people who know me best.

[RecordProducer]

Do you think he thinks that I am not sincere because I've only complimented him after he complimented me? Thanks.

This totally depends on how you said it. If he caught a sparkle in your eye, he might already know how you feel about him.

[RecordProducer]

I think the best compliments are those about our sex-related skills and body parts!

[Isolde]

I really like getting compliments on my attire--if genuinely said. Not sure why... I guess it shows that he notices the effort I put in. That being said, I realize that some guys aren't natural complimenters, and that's fine--the important thing is he wants to be going on a date with me!

[Ariadne]

Any compliment is a good compliment.

 

I don't get compliments that often. And when I do they tell me the same things.

[amaysngrace]

I don't get compliments that often. And when I do they tell me the same things.

 

They say if more than one person says the same thing about you it's probably true.

[Ariadne]

They say if more than one person says the same thing about you it's probably true.

 

Ah, then I'm sweet.

 

I don't like that one very much because people that say it don't know what they are talking about.

 

Yes, I can be sweet some day but not all the time.

[Storyrider]

Talk about being complimented... To have inspired Something, Layla, and Wonderful Tonight (and possibly others!)

 

Yes, the face that launched a thousand songs.

[windows]

hmm... on this topic of compliments; I once told a girl "Your hair looks nice when it's down" (her hair was down at the time) to which she replied "thank you".

would that translate well? or just politely?