Trialbyfire Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 This is a question for either gender. When someone of the opposite gender pays you a compliment, what do you prefer to hear? 1. About your looks, this could include your fashion sense, as well as physical attributes. 2. About your intelligence. 3. About your emotions, ie. compassionate, empathy, kindness, etc.
alphamale Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 as i've already heard i'm handsome 1,000 times it would be 2 or 3. usually when i complement a woman it is not on her looks unless we've been dating a bit... hope that helps TBF
Brimstone_Angel Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 All actually. Not necessarily everyday or at the same time. But sometimes my ego needs to be stroked about my looks and physical attributes. If I don't look good to the woman I am with, why is she really with me? I am less secured about my looks than my emotional capabilities or worried about my intelligence.
Author Trialbyfire Posted November 22, 2008 Author Posted November 22, 2008 Thanks for your input guys. This thread is not a trap! I was curious to see what's meaningful for people and if there are gender trends.
Storyrider Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 I can appreciate any compliment as long as I believe the person knows me well enough to give it sincerely. Otherwise I have a hard time taking it seriously and just blow it off as a pleasantry.
elaina Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 I like compliments about how sweet I am and they don't surprise me cause that's a part of how I define myself as a person. If someone didn't say that at least once to me I would be wondering if they didn't know me, lol. Do you have any compliment that you are so used to hearing that it's become a part of you? If a guy I like is complimenting my intelligence lol, I do appreciate it, but I guess and maybe this is silly, I guess I like to hear more compliments saying I'm beautiful or pretty or whatever along those lines. I don't know why those please me the best, but I think it is because it means a lot to be considered pretty by a guy I like. For example, today a very wonderful man who is incredibly handsome, smart, and fun gave me a compliment in all three areas actually... he said I was sweet, intelligent, and beautiful. I was so happy about that! I have a question though... I feel uncomfortable many times in what to say to someone when they do compliment me like that, especially if I don't know them very well. I told him ahh thanks and I complimented him back. Do you think that he would think I'm just flattering him or just giving him compliments because he complimented me. I'm not flattering him because he really is all that, but yeah I am complimenting him because he complimented me. To tell the truth, I am too shy to compliment him first, even though I was thinking them. Do you think he thinks that I am not sincere because I've only complimented him after he complimented me? Thanks.
MN randomguy Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 I like a compliment about an accomplishment, of course I think this thread will make more sense if we're identifying our gender. I'm MN randomGUY
MN randomguy Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 I like compliments about how sweet I am and they don't surprise me cause that's a part of how I define myself as a person. If someone didn't say that at least once to me I would be wondering if they didn't know me, lol. Do you have any compliment that you are so used to hearing that it's become a part of you? If a guy I like is complimenting my intelligence lol, I do appreciate it, but I guess and maybe this is silly, I guess I like to hear more compliments saying I'm beautiful or pretty or whatever along those lines. I don't know why those please me the best, but I think it is because it means a lot to be considered pretty by a guy I like. For example, today a very wonderful man who is incredibly handsome, smart, and fun gave me a compliment in all three areas actually... he said I was sweet, intelligent, and beautiful. I was so happy about that! I have a question though... I feel uncomfortable many times in what to say to someone when they do compliment me like that, especially if I don't know them very well. I told him ahh thanks and I complimented him back. Do you think that he would think I'm just flattering him or just giving him compliments because he complimented me. I'm not flattering him because he really is all that, but yeah I am complimenting him because he complimented me. To tell the truth, I am too shy to compliment him first, even though I was thinking them. Do you think he thinks that I am not sincere because I've only complimented him after he complimented me? Thanks. Just say thanks, I had a hard time accepting compliments too. Just smile and say thanks, don't over think it. You're right, returning a compliment right away seems disingenuous. Wait until later in the conversation where it makes sense to stick it in, or another time you see him if you cross paths in your regular schedule. Luckily you're a girl so coming across as nervous probably worked in your favor and not against you.
elaina Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 Just say thanks, I had a hard time accepting compliments too. Just smile and say thanks, don't over think it. You're right, returning a compliment right away seems disingenuous. Wait until later in the conversation where it makes sense to stick it in, or another time you see him if you cross paths in your regular schedule. Luckily you're a girl so coming across as nervous probably worked in your favor and not against you. Oops! I wish I could go back in time and just say thanks but hopefully he understood I was genuine... yeah that makes sense to wait till later on in the conversation. It didn't cross my mind then!
Author Trialbyfire Posted November 22, 2008 Author Posted November 22, 2008 Brimstone angel, I promise to respond later as to which is more meaningful to me. Right now, I'd love to hear from more people. Good point Story. Real compliment v. flattery. Randomguy, yes, hopefully anyone with an ambiguous user id/screen name will identify their gender. elaina, just smile and say thanks, if the compliment comes from a guy. If the compliment comes from a woman, it's 50/50 whether it's intended to draw a return compliment. Tough call sometimes so you'll have to play it by ear. Btw, myself personally, I won't be judging anyone for their responses.
Brimstone_Angel Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 ...Good point Story. Real compliment v. flattery. Everyone likes and even needs a little flattery sometimes. Sometimes the ego does need a little boss higher than usual. For example, I am sure you won't tell two proud parents (especially strangers) that their cuteness challenged child is ugly. Or are you really that mean? <Now why do I have a vision of Trial going, "Awwww! Who's the ugly baby? Yeah! Who's the one who needs a piece of meat for a dog to play with them?"> ... hopefully anyone with an ambiguous user id/screen name will identify their gender.Me? Ambiguous? Its not my fault I chose a name that can go either way. And why do I get the funny feeling I should correct this quickly? Correction: Its not my fault the name I chose can be used by a female or male.
Star Gazer Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 My favorite compliments reflect something I've done or accomplished. A great appellate brief. The way I've decorated my apartment. A charitable event I planned. Cookies I baked. A song I sang. A close second are compliments to my intelligence or personality.
Trimmer Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 I'm a male. I wouldn't mind hearing that I'm good looking, if I trust that the one giving the compliment is being sincere. But I think the thing that most flips my switch is to hear some way that I affect the other person. "You make me feel...." "You make me laugh..." or "I like being with you because..." or something along those lines. I would take those as a personal compliments, but they also reinforce the idea that I've made a connection that the other person values.
Star Gazer Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 But I think the thing that most flips my switch is to hear some way that I affect the other person. "You make me feel...." "You make me laugh..." or "I like being with you because..." or something along those lines. I would take those as a personal compliments, but they also reinforce the idea that I've made a connection that the other person values. I have to agree with that as well.
Author Trialbyfire Posted November 22, 2008 Author Posted November 22, 2008 Looks like I forgot a number of categories, so thanks for adding your preferences. Brimstone, I've only ever seen two ugly babies in my entire life, one with a very large rectangular head, the other with a really tiny head. Thank goodness they were both very large babies so I was able to compliment their mother's on the growth rate of both babies "How old is your baby now? Oh, wow, he/she's really growing fast. He/she will be tall, just like his/her mother/father!"
lino Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 None of those 3 for me. I'd like a female I'm interested in to compliment my sense of humour for once. I've tried to be funny my whole life but it's just not in me The 3 you mentioned I've never had problems getting compliments for, unless wit falls under intelligence... I'm not witty either. I'll be happy if I never get compliments about #3 from females I'm interested in ever again. However from family and friends I love being complimented about that
windows Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 it'd be nice yet somewhat embarrassing for me to hear a #1. everyone gives me a #2 and some girls give me a #3. all in all I love being complimented but its a little tiring to hear #2 over and over. favourite compliments though? the rare #3's make my day.
Stockalone Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 I agree with Trimmer, it is nice to hear that you made a positive contribution to someone else's life. Personally, I love to get compliments about things that I value in myself. It's a good feeling to be appreciated for the things that are important to me. So I prefer to be complimented about #2 and #3. I never really cared about my looks. But I'll admit that not having had a compliment about #1 in quite a while, I wouldn't mind hearing it.
alphamale Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 This is a question for either gender. When someone of the opposite gender pays you a compliment, what do you prefer to hear? the key for both sexes is to compliment others on something they wouldn't normally be complimented on...thats teh only rule you need.
BlueHarvest Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 I just got a compliment last night from a girl I'm seeing... She said "I like you 'cause you have a good head on your shoulders." Yea...uh...what? What does that mean? When we were making out earlier this week I complimented her on her hair (I LOVE IT, I love shoulder length hair on women. I said she had beautiful hair....(I was stroking her hair at the time.)) Cheesy but it was sincere.
Ariadne Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 Do you think he thinks that I am not sincere because I've only complimented him after he complimented me? Thanks. I think it's pretty common to return a compliment. I know I do it all the time.
alphamale Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 She said "I like you 'cause you have a good head on your shoulders." Yea...uh...what? What does that mean? maybe she likes your shampoo?
RecordProducer Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 This is a question for either gender. When someone of the opposite gender pays you a compliment, what do you prefer to hear? 1. About your looks, this could include your fashion sense, as well as physical attributes. 2. About your intelligence. 3. About your emotions, ie. compassionate, empathy, kindness, etc.I don't need #1 because I can tell if someone is attracted to me, so it's really unnecessary. I already know #2, so #3 is really the nicest for me. Howvere, I think I am more interested in original/creative compliments. The last one I heard was "dream girl." as i've already heard i'm handsome 1,000 times it would be 2 or 3. usually when i complement a woman it is not on her looks unless we've been dating a bit... This is a very wise strategy.
Yamaha Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 I like compliments that tell me they value me as a person. Such as, you are a great friend or you have a great heart. I had an ex that would tell me this and it made me really special and appreciated. You're hot or good looking are just "icing" and have little value unless supported by the "cake". Also compliments in the business world are appreciated for a job well done.
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