lofi_tokyo Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 Alright. So I have now spent 4hrs on LS/moping around, when I really CANNOT waste time. I'm super stressed with school, so I have to post my irrational thoughts just I can MOVE ON with my homework! I've been feeling pretty good lately - sincerely indifferent about my ex. I know I'm making progress, and I cannot wait to be over the guy. That being said, I've been browsing and browsing articles on rebound relationships, because I want to believe my ex is in one. I want to believe we weren't that bad together. The better part of me realizes hes not into me. I know he has moved on and so should I. Accepting that is actually less painful than the rebound thing, because holding onto him missing me someday is foolish and it shows I'm not letting go. I know some of you will say he was emotionally checked out a long time before the break up (we dated 2.5yrs). Maybe! I won't deny its possible... I was in Japan for a month. But when I came home he cried and cried about our break up, when I got on the airplane home (3hrs away), he told me he loved me. When he first started dating her (two weeks after we broke up), he kept telling me how his parents missed me, he sent me pictures of his you-know-what. I went NC. He tried contacting me. I broke down. He started ignoring me. I kept trying, he ignored me more... NC ever since. Anyways, here is why I think it COULD be a rebound: -Our relationship was very emotionally straining in the last two months of us dating. Not just on my end, but he was upset a lot too. Lots of restless nights, talking, crying on both ends. I cried a lot more than him though ;p A LOT MORE! -He started dating her immediately after we broke up. -He told me they don't flirt (but they must, I've seen bits of it on AIM). -He introduced her to his parents on their second date. -He told me they don't do romantic stuff. They're very settled in. -He told me he wanted to date her because he was tired of feeling sad all the time and wanted to just be happy with someone. -For their first dates, he took her to ALL our special spots. All our major dates - the ones you never forget - he relived with her in a matter of weeks. -When he first started dating his current GF he told me "I guess I was vulnerable and she was around" I kind of feel like, the month before Japan I was insanely stressed with getting prepared for it, we didn't have time to patch things up before I left, and I flew off to Japan and he needed someone to make him feel good so he grew close to this girl. It seems like they did my ex's and I's entire romancey period in like two weeks, then he went straight into like... that comfortable part of a relationship, when the honeymoon phase is over. No gushy romance all over the place etcetc Anyways. I guess there are reasons it may not be a rebound - they've lasted 2.5 months now! He does not try to make contact anymore, hes completely disinterested in me. We did have problems for two months before the break up, maybe he checked out a while ago. He was always lazy when we were dating. SO lazy. Sometimes I suspected he never loved me THAT much because of the laziness, when I suggested such things he got incredibly upset... buttt, you never know. Maybe he just was never that into me! Okay. Sorry its long. I needed to spill my guts because I feel like the only way I can heal is if I'm honest about my thoughts, even if I know they're bad to have. I post all I can on LS in hopes of sorting out everything.
trueblue72ny Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 2.5 months isnt long compared to your 2.5 years. i wouldnt be so sure yet that it is not a rebound... i dont see how he can be all that comfy in his new fling jut like that... i dont buy it that he is... there's no short cuts to it. i wonder if he will have a relapse. like things inside finally catch up to him!
EmperorR Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 I'm in the same boat as you except my ex cheated on me, dumped me and basically went out with the first guy she met at school, Last I checked they were still dating but I don't know if they are now. I know I shouldn't care or think what she is doing etc., but I want it to be a rebound relationship and end.
Author lofi_tokyo Posted November 22, 2008 Author Posted November 22, 2008 I'm in the same boat as you except my ex cheated on me, dumped me and basically went out with the first guy she met at school, Last I checked they were still dating but I don't know if they are now. I know I shouldn't care or think what she is doing etc., but I want it to be a rebound relationship and end. I guess in my case, my ex is 20. He has a lot of maturing to do relationship wise before I think he could ever settle down. So I don't think the relationship will work out in the long term either way (well maybe part of me things it could... you never know). My real concern is that... I always wanted the best for my ex. I know I've posted a lot about our problems. Thats because I've been trying to be honest with myself and just spill it all out here on LS. The truth is though, I wanted us to be happy so badly, I wanted him to be happy, I loved hearing him talk about things he was passionate about, it made me smile. In that way, I loved him in a way I cannot describe. I don't know if his new woman will love him in that way or not. But I'm scared he'll never realize just how much I cared, I'm scared this girl will have a more meaningful relationship with him than we did. Thats why I want a rebound. Not to get back together, but because I want our love to be remembered as great, as significant, as inspiring. ;p I'm so cheezy.
frd150 Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 Hey TV, I am few years older than you and I have had three standout ltr's. Each were different and unique and I remember something special about each. No new relationship ever made me forget but at the same time I did not dwell while I was in the new R. Its safe to say that your ex will do the same when it comes to you. So as far as his new R being more meaningful who knows? but one thing for sure is that it will not be the same as what you had and that to him will always be special...at least thats the way it works for me. Live, learn , grow:).
Author lofi_tokyo Posted November 22, 2008 Author Posted November 22, 2008 Hey TV, I am few years older than you and I have had three standout ltr's. Each were different and unique and I remember something special about each. No new relationship ever made me forget but at the same time I did not dwell while I was in the new R. Its safe to say that your ex will do the same when it comes to you. So as far as his new R being more meaningful who knows? but one thing for sure is that it will not be the same as what you had and that to him will always be special...at least thats the way it works for me. Live, learn , grow:). I knowww. I just don't want the girl he left me for to be one of those LTR's. ;p Also, I want him to dwell on me... I don't want him to want me back per se... but I want him to realize he took me for granted! I'm being a baby, I know. ;p Thanks for the comment. All in all, its good to hear that even if this does work out, he'll remember me in some way. Oy
EmperorR Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 I guess in my case, my ex is 20. He has a lot of maturing to do relationship wise before I think he could ever settle down. So I don't think the relationship will work out in the long term either way (well maybe part of me things it could... you never know). My real concern is that... I always wanted the best for my ex. I know I've posted a lot about our problems. Thats because I've been trying to be honest with myself and just spill it all out here on LS. The truth is though, I wanted us to be happy so badly, I wanted him to be happy, I loved hearing him talk about things he was passionate about, it made me smile. In that way, I loved him in a way I cannot describe. I don't know if his new woman will love him in that way or not. But I'm scared he'll never realize just how much I cared, I'm scared this girl will have a more meaningful relationship with him than we did. Thats why I want a rebound. Not to get back together, but because I want our love to be remembered as great, as significant, as inspiring. ;p I'm so cheezy. my ex is 20 as well, and that's also what I'm scared of as well, kicked to the side first guy she comes across and they have more special moments than me and my ex had yes I'm selfish but ah well. I know it may sound dumb but that's one reason to me while NC is kind of hard, because even after all she has done to me I still care about her and I think she may think that I don't care etc. anymore, ya I'm a idiot shrugs. I know again it selfish but I don't want my ex back either, I just can't get over her cheating on me and not being the least remorseful but I want her to know that we had the best thing ever and she destroyed it with her greed and selfishness. From oct 21, 2005 - sep 4, 2008 we were the happiest couple ever no fights no quarrells but she had to throw it away.
Author lofi_tokyo Posted November 22, 2008 Author Posted November 22, 2008 Emp your post is helping me remember why my ex and I broke up. I can say all I want about the rebound, but the fact remains, I've posted reasons for us breaking up, and they were solid ones. I'm sorry to hear your relationship with your ex was the best in the world from start to finish. It must make healing all the more harder because you make it sound as though it was a pretty solid relationship. Mine was shaky consistently. I didn't mind that, actually. But yeah. At least for me I can see a clean line between point A (start of relationship) and point B (end), and why we were not meant to be. ***Edit*** You know what? I am so so SO sick of caring about my ex. Honestly. He found another girl and thats that, he is out of the picture now. Honestly, I am TIRED of thinking about him. If I could get over him and be happy being single tomorrow, I would. Frick. When will my heart get as tired as my brain is about thinking of him. Ewww
JooLee Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 ***Edit*** You know what? I am so so SO sick of caring about my ex. Honestly. He found another girl and thats that, he is out of the picture now. Honestly, I am TIRED of thinking about him. If I could get over him and be happy being single tomorrow, I would. Frick. When will my heart get as tired as my brain is about thinking of him. Ewww sounds like you're getting close to your "enough moment" hold yr head high, TV! you'll get through this. and one day, you'll hear something about him and you'll go "hey, i havent thought about him in a long time." continue being strong. let them do what they want to do, the past is the past and we have to make the best of our future. its time...
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