davidjor Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 Well, i have been trying to get over this girl now since March. My problem was i keep finding myself talking to her on IM almost daily. I would do NO CONTACT but could not get past like 3 or 4 days. I would add her name back on my IM list and unblock her. Then she would IM again. Now, i just got done talking to her and boy, it just freak en kills me as to how come i keep subjecting myself to this pain and agony. WOW, I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM GOING TO DO. I AM SO MAD AT MYSELF FOR NOT BEING STRONG ENOUGH TO STICK TO NC. the bad part about it is in a few weeks (December 1st) I will be back down in Panama and am sure i will run into her or we will have contact. I just hate the thought of her having so much control over me. HOW DO I GET THAT CONTROL BACK? s.h.i.t..... i am so weak !
trueblue72ny Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 o i understand were you are at. my ex keeps contacting me too and of course i respond. its been going back and forth for 4months almost. i would go no contact, she would contact me. just today i finally told her no offense but if your intentions are to find someone else to be with than i think its better off we cut off all contact so i can heal and move on and when im ready i will contat you. i havent heard a word back yet. i guess i just got to the pointwere i had enough and i think you will too!! just think about it., do you want to be her chat buddy on a string if she is looking for someone else to be with? probably not. and that is were i am at also. i dont want to be her chat buddy or her emotional back up while she looks for a mr new. no thanks!! i keep thinking holy cow if its this painful now and she is not seeing anyone (per her) than i cant imagine the agony of trying to be her buddy while she is with someone! i cant do it!
Gere51 Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 I went through the exact same thing starting the day after Memorial Day. My ex broke it off with me but wanted to stay "friends". I told her it wasn't possible since we were seriously involved, however, a close friend convinced me it was the right thing to do since she was having some personal problems. For six weeks I put up with having her calling or texting on occasion, never to initiate the possibility of getting back together. My defining moment was July 9, as she called and began telling me how great her life was, about how here friends had been trying to set her up but it wasn't working, etc. At that moment I decided to go NC and have been ever since. When she finally figured it out I got several texts and a phone call asking if I was OK, and I responded to neither of them. I guess she finally figured out I want nothing more to do with her since I have heard nothing since then, but it's been better for me. My advice is to wipe this person out of your life and never talk to them again.
Sysyphus28 Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 Well, i have been trying to get over this girl now since March. My problem was i keep finding myself talking to her on IM almost daily. I would do NO CONTACT but could not get past like 3 or 4 days. I would add her name back on my IM list and unblock her. Then she would IM again. Now, i just got done talking to her and boy, it just freak en kills me as to how come i keep subjecting myself to this pain and agony. WOW, I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM GOING TO DO. I AM SO MAD AT MYSELF FOR NOT BEING STRONG ENOUGH TO STICK TO NC. the bad part about it is in a few weeks (December 1st) I will be back down in Panama and am sure i will run into her or we will have contact. I just hate the thought of her having so much control over me. HOW DO I GET THAT CONTROL BACK? s.h.i.t..... i am so weak ! So many people are in your boat. Alot of can't help but try and communicate with our ex on some level. We are so used to them being "into" us and loving us and giving us that familiar support and ego boost.] It becomes something we crave after we are dumped. On top of that, you feel rejected. I was thier, some times I go back thier.....not alot though. One day you get tired of it though. You PUSH that person out of your life mentally, adn it takes alot of effort to make them know what they did was not ok. ** I have given her control since day 1 of the breakup...I was puppy-dogging around eating up table scraps of friendship and attention. HOLY SH** what a bad idea. I took a shovel, dug 10 ft hole, then jumped into it. Man, it takes months to say to yourself enough is enough and REALLY mean it. Not just MONDAY I am strong then thursday I am talking to you about some bull**** that hurts me again. It hurts to talk to her, see her, think about her, etc. Why the he** have any of us enabled this person to continue to be a presence in our lives. I will tell you. Nostalgia. Let that sh** die. She did. seriously. she did. believe it. If she think s of you or misses you she won't tell you.....she will be indifferent because this is what she wants right now. You don't have to agree, you can express every emotion you want to her. If she was a strong and level-headed woman who loved you, she will be back. If her time in your life was temporary she won't. Pretty cut and dry. The holidays are coming though, and this is the time where you need to grow a set and go into NC. Not calling on holidays is the biggest "GOODBYE--you don't matter anymore you can give someone" Say goodbye to hurting this xmas. give that gift to yourself
Gere51 Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 If you don't cut them completely out of your life, you'll never, ever heal. The dumpers obviously believe than can do better, so let them find out for themselves that it's very, very difficult to meet anyone worth anything that's compatible. Let them know what they're missing by not responding, and keep them wondering what you're doing and why suddenly no contact. You owe them absolutely nothing.
TeaAbraham Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 I just hate the thought of her having so much control over me. HOW DO I GET THAT CONTROL BACK?To get back to controlling yourself you've gotta get her out of you! Whatever you think is going to come from speaking to her again, you've got to realize it's not going to happen. When my ex ran away with my best friend I sent her love letters, I held her when she was down, I gave her everything I had, but guess what, that only made it easier for her to drop me. She knew she had control over me, and that if at any moment something didn't work out with mr f*cking buttercups that I would be there for her. So she just cared about me even less. If she didn't have to do ANYTHING for me to care about her as much as I did, and if she could even cheat on me with my best friend and I would still care about her, what effort did she need to give to me? Nothing. She knew she had a safety net, so she was just fine going on f*cking around with him. So she made her list of priorities, and he was #1 and I was #2. If something happens between them, she now thinks that I will be there to hold her when she's down, and to love her again. Bull Sh*t I say. I let her control me. I gave her my whole life even after what she did and that allowed her to feel even better about what she was doing. Don't let your ex keep doing this to you! Whatever you think you're going to get by talking to her is NOT going to happen. I am not saying to expect her to come running back if you go NC, but you've got to know that that's the best thing you can do. She will only respect you less, and you will only respect yourself less. It sucks what is going on, but if you want to take control of your life SHE has to be out of it. It'll feel like sh*t, but that's what you've got to work through. That's why we're here. That's why your buddies are there. What are you accomplishing right now from speaking with her? I would guess that it's only making you more dependent on her every single day. Which makes it much much worse when you finally realize what you've got to do.
Gere51 Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 Being a "friend" with anyone that leaves you only serves to do a couple of things: (a) Relieves them of any guilt they may have over leaving. (b) Keeps you around "just in case" things dont' work out with someone else. You have to cut off all contact. If you do not, fairly soon you'll be hearing about other guys she's met and other things you won't want to know. Do yourself a favor and take control of your life back.
WiseOne1 Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 Yea, its going to turn out bad. Sooner or later she’s going to get a new BF, and once you start hearing about the details between her and him, its going to hurt, there's no reason to be friends, the only reason she wants to be friends is because she wants to keep you on the rope unless something new doesn’t work out. I tried that with my ex, and the only thing she talked about half of the conversation was her new bf.
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