undecided95 Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 I've been married for 9 years. About 3 years ago, my wife had an affair with a co-worker. When I discovered the affair, she lied about it. She told me that she told this guy that she had fantasies about sleeping with him. She admitted that "he made a pass at her" and she kissed him. She also admitted that while kissing this guy, he put his hands in her pants. She didn't back away, instead she allowed him to do this until he was finished. Next, she said that he went into the bathroom and sat on the toilet. She then said that he asked if he could see her tattoo on her thigh. So, she pulled down her pants and showed him the tattoo. She then said, she remembered Biblical scripture and ran out of his house. Although its been three years, I do not trust her at all. Furthermore, I don't feel the same way about her anymore. Every time we have sex, all I see is another man fondling her. I have lost respect for her and don't know how to get that back. I still think that she's lying about not sleeping with the other guy. She knows that if she admits that she slept with him I will divorce her. If she admits that she slept with him, I know that I couldn't stay. But not knowing really eats away at me.
2sure Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 If you are 100% bound and determined that you must divorce her if she had sex with him...and the fondling she admitted to ,you have so far been unable to forgive...then why stay? You may never know the full truth, most BS come to realize it. You have decide to move on without. If you cannot...that is no fault of yours...but you can't forgive and punish at the same time.
jwi71 Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 OP- You are torturing yourself so kindly stop. It accomplishes nothing. 2Sure is right, you cannot forgive and punish. So choose. Do you wish to punish her for another three years or would you prefer to forgive her? What are you two doing to work on the M?
Bryanp Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 From what you have written it seems absolutely ludicrous the story your wife gave you. My guess is that she had sex with him and somehow thought that this story would save her. The bottom line is go out and have her take a polygraph test. We have seen on this boards that it is not uncommon when the day of the test comes near, the cheating spouse will then tell the truth to stop from being humiliated by the test. From what you have written she has already admitted then he screwed her with his fingers and she late him continue until he finished so really what is the difference? Her story is laughable in that after she let him finishing screwing her with his hands, she suddently remembers biblical scripture and runs out?....Oh please!
troubadour Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 Undicided95... if you cannot deal with your wife's infidelity... you should get divorced. Like Bryanp said... her story is ludicrous... if she has admited to doing that much with other guy I can assure you that what really had happend was much, much more. And this Biblical scripture part... to tell someone something like this... she must consider you to be an complete idiot. I appologize if I am too harsh but seriously... one would have to be a complete idiot to believe it. Don't worry about loosing respect for her as she has absolutely none for you. Sorry man.
Dmoney28 Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 If she had any self respect she should be truthfull about what REALLY happend. If she went that far, as the other posters said...she went all the way. There is no expression of remorse, repent or guilt for that matter. Usually one starts quoting bible scriptured AFTER they get caught...not during the wrong doing. She was letting this guy finger her...then all of a sudden she gets the holy spirit...riiiiight. For god sake, she dosent even have the moral standing to admit it..went all the way with this guy. When a person gets caught, they usually confess all of there wrong doings....she is so wrong.
misternoname Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 I agree with the other posters...my wife "claimed" that all she did was kiss the guy. With a little cyber detective work I discovered the truth. Your wife's story sounds like utter BS. Keep in mind, cheaters lie lie lie!
pelicanpreacher Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 The devil lies in the details and there you shall find all his despicable deeds. The liars will oftimes minimize the true extent of their actions if only to save face and convince themselves that they couldn't possibly have done what they did to assuage the guilt trapped deep within their souls. I like the idea proposed by another poster of demanding a lie detector test for now you have the analysis and opinion of a disinterested third party upon which to assess the true nature of her actions and intentions regarding the infidelity you exposed. Understanding her mind and commitment to your are the core reasons providing impetus for your discontent so, since you maintain that you can't trust her at this time, you must follow through on your quest for truth to disentangle the mire of her tale to settle your soul!
wuggle Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 I agree with most other posters, it does sound like she is not telling the 'whole' truth, but to be fair to her why would she if she knows you will divorce her if she does admit to having an affair ? if she did have an affair and is not telling you is this because she really wants to stay with you (for whatever reason, maybe love or maybe she just likes the security) ? if you are sure there is no way you could forgive her or you don't love her enough to try then it might be better to split as amicably as you can. It seems pontless staying in a relationship where you cant forsee ever trusting her or forgiving her, that sounds horriible. But if you do have any love left for her why not try sitting down with her and talking openly and honestly, use a counsellor to moderate if it helps, what is there to lose ?
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