oh dear , let myself down..how can i stop and move on

[amandaparker503]

Still not going great..Having a totaly relapse as you may know from my posts over this past 2 weeks and those that helped me and responded.

 

The thing is things got a little tricky again.

 

I found out he was contacting another person around my birthday last year, lots of kissess and stuff , all on myspace (hurtspace!!)

So i sent him a message saying i cant believe you were also cheating as far back as 07 , why didnt you just dump me and not involve me and my son in this.

He replied saying this is not true and i sugesst you dont contact me again.

 

Anyway (I know you will tell me off) i responded and said look i am sick of this **** and for the sake of a peaceful future , why dont we try and shake hands a be freinds...he replied this...

 

Bury the hatchet & move on. I have nothing to say really but have 2 get on with the future, PEACEFULLY!!.

I can't be arsed with any **** anymore.

I can be adult about this so no worries there.

 

So (you will tel me off more now!!!) i replied and said i moved on the day found out and read the fact you cheated on me. So i dont need to be told to move on . I do however want some respect as i am sick of you ignoring me totally when i have done nothing wrong. I said if you want to be a mate ,then treat me like one , if you dont wish to talk to me then tell me as being ignored is totally rude. I do not have any feelings for you and i would never ever let you near me or my son in that way ever again. I said that i have tried and tried to keep a friendly friendship , but i am sick of being treated like ****e and that i am tired of this hurt, decite and lies that keep being dragged into my life everytime i i move on and find happiness. I said i am happy and that i will not let the past waste of 2 years effect my future happiness.

 

He replied this: Look i will keep this short i am in a relationship which is serious and i do not feel that it is appropriate at this time to be friends. Ian.

 

So i replied wishing him luck with another serious one and that i understood as i would want my boyfrined textig a ex or stranagers !!! (all of which was me being cheeky as that is what he did to me, he texted strangers!!)

He replied again say thank you!! (WHAT!!!!) and that he would sorth out a time for my kickboxing grading and be professional about that side of things

 

I never replied.

 

I seem to be stuck in a rut here, like you know i was moving on , I am thinking that the whole cheating thing and the way that he moved on so quick (i remember week 5 he told me he had a new girlfriend) and the way he ignores me totally is what my problem is.

I dont get any remorse and all i see is this guy so happy

 

WHY DO WE GET HURT AND LEFT TO BLOODY PICK UP THE MESS

 

10 months of this year i have spent either arguing with him, totally in love with each other, being dumped by him, him begging me back , him controlling me , him cheating on me.

I am tired. I am worn out and i am crying all the bloody time again.

I am obessessed with wanting to know who she is as i never see him with a girl and surely to god when its new you are with each other all the time

 

I just hate the way the dumpees live on so happy

 

You know waht is weird, and i dont want to read into it, but a bloke at our club said to me, every time i mess around with you i feel like ian(my ex) is watching me!..this bloke had no reason to say this to me, he just came up and said it to me at the end of the club , he said are you guys not together anymore etc etc

 

I have been thinking that myself, he is still a little jealous

 

I also wouldnt want him back as how on earth could i trust him and i wouldnt want to..so why do i miss him, why do i feel so much pain.

I am so confused by the whole way he has treated me, the big love, putting me on a peddlestool ,wanting the world with me, then breaking me down bit by bit , then leaving me

 

NICE!

 

BE AWARE OF ANY MAN THAT PUTS YOU ON A PEDDLESTOOL FROM THE VERY START-THERE IS ONLY WAY WAY FORWARD AND THAT IS TO BRING YOU BACK DOWN

 

I am angry and scared that i am bitter and obessing over this .

I want to stop this i really do , but i dont seem able.

My prdie is hurting big time, i am not silly, he must sense i still have some kinda care for him still and i dont want that, but i have done it now

I have palyed back into his hands. I must look a total jerk and it hurts

[hereandnow]

Try not to be so hard on yourself. Don't look at it like there's some perfect way you can act. People on here are just giving advice. When it comes to matters of the heart, I'm going to do what I need to do. Sometimes this causes more pain.

 

Hang in there. Heartbreak is horrible, as I'm just figuring out myself. I'm 27 and going through my first real one. Sometimes I tell myself, "Look, you thought you could get off that easy. You thought you could be the lucky one who doesn't have to experience this!"

[TeaAbraham]

Aha. I thought I would be the lucky one who wouldn't have to experience this pain too. That's a good thing to tell yourself hereandnow.

 

You're so funny amanda! Hurtspace! That cracked me up.

 

It does hurt how the dumpees live on so happily. Makes you feel like trash. But you're not! Especially seeing how much this person meant to you, it makes you feel worse when they can just throw you away. How could somebody so special do this to you?

 

But guess what? They AREN'T that special. You thought that they were, but finally the truth came out, and THEY ARE NOT. YOU are the special one. YOU are the one who cares about him and who is being tormented by this. YOU are the one on LS, trying to figure out how to deal with this pain, this pain that is caused by YOUR love and YOUR good heart. YOU are the one who has a kind heart. You loved this man, and it hurts that he has done this to you, but he was not the man you thought he was.

 

Guess what?! They are NOT the person you thought they were! THEY did this to you. THEY can treat people like nothing and dump somebody who cares so much about them like it's nothing. And you thought they deserved your love, but now you know that they do not! It's better to find out now rather than later!

 

Don't worry! I know you want to stop this, and you will be able to. You WILL be able to work through this. It's just that you can't switch this pain off that easily. You can't just throw this pain away like he threw you away, because you're not like him, you're better than that. So it will take time, and it will take work and motivation, but it's okay, because you're not just throwing it away! YOU are the special person, and you can do this!

[Surfer Dude]

Amanda, listen to TeaAbraham, those are very wise words.

 

Just like the rest of us here, you are experiencing anger and grief out of sense of being played, used and disrespected. Once you realize that only you can stop those hurtful feelings, and that the source of them is inside you, not anywhere external, you will be able to change them.

 

I'm also just learning how to do this, I keep having setbacks. I understand the theory very well, but applying it is a different thing. One day I give advice to people here, the other day I feel broken. It's ok as long as we're all heading in the right general direction, a few setbacks shouldn't set us off the road.

[TeaAbraham]

I understand the theory very well, but applying it is a different thing.

 

So true. It's hard to walk the walk. It's so easy to know what to do, but doing it... quite another thing. But that's the meaning of the word hard. That's the meaning of working towards healing. You've gotta hunker down and get it done. But then again, I'm just saying that, aha. For now LS is how I'm working through this.

[amandaparker503]

TeaAbraham, i loved your response, very positive and should be pinned. Thank you

[lofi_tokyo]

TeaAbraham, i loved your response, very positive and should be pinned. Thank you

 

I agree, what TeaAbraham wrote really is a great mentality to have when dealing with rejection.

 

That being said!!

 

If you fell out of love with someone, if the emotional strain from the relationship had you hurting and wanting out... isn't it fair to leave?

"THEY can treat people like nothing and dump somebody who cares so much about them like it's nothing."

 

Thats the quote I'm referring to here. You know what? I think when you and your ex split, you were not "nothing" to him. You probably aren't "nothing" to him now either. And sometimes, a person cares about you a TON, but you, for your own reasons, need to end the relationship. Does that make it cruel to leave the person who loves you? I can see how some would answer yes, but... isn't it cruel to stay in a relationship you are not feeling anymore... for both parties?

 

I don't know. Your ex is kind of being an ******* to you right now, so I understand the inclination not to sympathize with him... but sometimes its good to look at all angles of things.