He accidently said I love "ex's name" instead of my name!

[hemessedupbad]

My boyfriend and I have been together two years. He dated a girl 5 years ago off and on for two years, although he swears to god on his mom's life that he never was in love with ther and she was insignifcant. I have jealousy issues and try not to think about his exes. I on the other hand have been in love and met my current boyfriend pretty soon after the bad break up woth my former love. and although I was still getting over my ex at the time and their names are very similar I never swapped names..came close, but did not...espcially when saying i loved him. I have issues as it is dealing withi his ex and believing that he did not care for her ( I just want him to be honest about it mostly) our names are not similar its been along time, he said she was insignificant and he did not love her and does not think of her..then how the hell could he say, " I love (ex's name)" instead of I love (my name). It hurts so bad, and seeing as how I have jealousy issues and try not to think about the past and have a hard time with that as it is, I am now really upset and thinking I can not get over this. First of all, the context he said it in is awful, secondly it obviously means he did care about her and she was significant and he did love her (so he lied to me about that), and third it just really hurts. I can't just overlook it. It was a mistake, but some mistakes are hard to forgive I guess...

[whichwayisup]

Did he say this to you, or did you overhear him?

 

You have your past and he has his. Unless he and his ex are still intouch and part of eachother's lives for whatever reason, try not to take this out of context. Focus on what is in the NOW and how your relationship is today.

 

It is possible he from the get-go didn't feel comfortable opening up about his past so he downplayed what he felt for his ex, so he wouldn't hurt your feelings. I mean, did you outright tell him that you were in love with your ex? Some can't handle stuff like that so maybe he did this to protect your feelings. Is he sorry that this happened? Have you talked to him about this?

[amaysngrace]

Did you ever think that maybe you are the one who put her on his mind by probing him about her all the time?

 

That can be a real drag.

 

If he says he never cared about her he is lying. You can't be with someone for five years and not care about them. That's stupid to even believe that.

 

But he's with you now. If you are obsessing about his past you are missing out on the present.

 

You are making the good times you could be having with him completely suck.

 

Remember that.

[Ronni_W]

Bottom line is that if you cannot get over it, then your relationship is done and you must dump him.

 

If he dated someone "off and on for two years" OBVIOUSLY there was something there. It could have been all twisted and dysfunctional, but it was still something. In any case, it was five (5!!!) years ago. But. That does NOT mean, though, that he is lying when he says it was not significant in his own mind and heart -- this is what he NOW believes about it.

 

It sucks that he called you by a wrong name BUT it does not mean that he's been lying to you about anything. (Maybe lying to himself...but what he told YOU is his current honest truth about it.)

 

It's great that you haven't called him by a wrong name but, so what? He isn't as mentally agile as you are, or whatever. It's also good self-awareness to recognize that you have jealousy (insecurity) issues.

 

But, if this is otherwise a really good relationship for you, you do not HAVE to let his subconscious slip of the tongue become any more significant than what it is. You don't HAVE to let it ruin a perfectly good thing.

 

You could look at it as a good opportunity for you to start exploring your insecurities further, with the goal of dealing with them once and for all. The whole episode could be your blessing in disguise!

[hemessedupbad]

I have always been honest with him...it use to be hard for him because I did not fall in love with him for a long time because I was still in love with my ex, and he had already fallen for me. Anyways, whoever said it was 5 years, it was two years off and on ( about a year) and he was in highschool. he swears to god that he never loved her, liked her, or attracted to her and tahts how feels now and knows thats how he felt then..that he'd never had a girlfirend and just wanted one to say he had one. regardless, if he had been in love, yes I would be jealous..but I'd prefer he'd be honest...i could deal with it, afterall I have been in love. My biggest thing in a relationship is honesty so I do not believe in sugar coating things to not hurt me, if I am going to spend my life with someone I do not want any part of anything to be a lie. Also, its not just that he said her name..its that he said I love "blank" to ME...no I did not overhear, he said it to me. and it sucked especially when I am trying to deal with stuff. honestly, it sucks because I do love him and if I were a normal person I could probably eventually forgive but I do not know..I dwell...I think things would get bad. My jealous already causes some issues as it is. I have seen a therapist the past year and have been on meds for the past ten years. So I guess I am screwed in relationships, I wanted this one to work..and there were lots of issues in my head that I was able to finally deal with recently ( jealousy issues) but I feel that with this now I am back at squARE one. I feel defeated. it's hard for someone to understand who is "normal" . I wish I could be. but even my normal friends and family are saying this could possibly be a deal breaker for them, still..I know if I was normal I could move past it possibly, but I am not and therefore do not think I can. Sucks.

[hemessedupbad]

ps.. to the person who said its a drag to bring her up and thats why he said her name.. I use to ask him lots of questions, but I hated to her her name, and never once referred to her by name nor allowed him to...also I have not done taht in quite sometime so she should still not be in his head regardless if what he said was true ( that he does not think about her) . tahts whats going through my head anyways.

[ladyintights]

Uh, he still has a girl's name in his head that he's dated 5 years ago? Nice try! Looks like he's still communicating with her if not doing more! Time to exit!

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

I'm with everyone else; it sounds like he's just very aware of your insecurity and tries to make you feel better by telling you this girl was insignificant because it's what you want to hear--but in reality, you can't date someone for two years without them being very significant to you. You especially don't mix up an insignificant person's name with your girlfriend's name. I don't trust this guy one bit.

[sfsassy]

My ex twice used his ex wife term of endearment with me. He was mortified both times, but they had a kid, and had been together 15 years (high school sweethearts) and I was the only other person he had been in love with, so it didn't bother me. Both times were within the first year, and we were together three and a half years.

[Trialbyfire]

I hope he doesn't have big feet. If so, it must be painful to stuff them into his mouth.

[carhill]

Guess we know where the KY will be going, eh?

[amaysngrace]

I know if I was normal I could move past it possibly, but I am not and therefore do not think I can. Sucks.

 

 

If you don't trust the guy because he lied to you then how are you just suppose to get past it?? I think not getting past it is more normal.

 

I also think if you are in a relationship that you don't feel secure in you will always feel insecure with that person. If you are insecure to begin with then staying with him is just going to make it worse because he does nothing to put your mind at ease.

 

Does he ever say sorry?

[OnTheEdge]

I hated to her her name, and never once referred to her by name nor allowed him to...

 

wow u sounds very insecure and controlling...am i the only one who noticed ? lol

 

u need some kind of counselling becuase i dont think u can honestly survive a relationship with that kind of thinking

 

but back to what he said...yea maybe he still thinks bout her..cuz it hasnt just came out of no where...

[mental_traveller]

I would forget it. If you date someone for a while (1 year+) it can become a habit to say her name. So it's easy to say it like once or twice after you break up and meet someone else. I mean if he does it several times I would become suspicious, but one occasion is no big deal.

 

I've had a couple of times where I caught myself just about to say another woman's name when dating a different girl, and I had no feelings anymore for the ex. It's just that after saying their name literally thousands of times, it gets into your mental pathways and you can sometimes slip up. It's no different to mixing up your friend's names on occasion.

[RecordProducer]

I can not get over this.

If your relationship have been good for two years and this is the only issue in regards with his ex, then you really should be able to get over this.

 

First of all, the context he said it in is awful,

What was the context?

 

secondly it obviously means he did care about her and she was significant and he did love her (so he lied to me about that),

No, it doesn't mean that, at least not "obviously."

 

My guess is that he was thinking about her at the time. However, some people really have a problem switching from one name to another, and this might be the beginning of the same problem for him. My grandmother used to mix up everybody's name and we were her closest family. She used to call her second daughter-in-law by my mother's name often (her first daughter-in-law who divorced her son many years before the second woman entered the family). It's just a form of a mental blockage. It totally doesn't make sense that he still loves her after five years, especially since he claims he never truly loved her. I don't mean to offend you, but your suspicion that he might lie to you about his feelings for a girl he dated long time ago are quite... creepy (seems to be a popular word on LS lately). Why would anybody lie about such a thing? If anything, you might have lied about NOT loving your ex, because you were still in love with him when you started dating your current BF.

 

You know how when you're thinking or reading about something, let's say a mouse, and you want to tell someone that you feel like eating chicken today, you end up saying "I feel like eating a mouse"?