LovieDove24 Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 Let me start off by saying I have always been an all or nothing kinda gal. I don't know how to "sort of" allow my ex in my life for the sake of our daughter. I really don't know how to tread in this gray area. Sometimes I want to be his friend. We will get into long conversations on the phone about life, work, friends etc and then not talk for five days. Sometimes I am ok with this, sometimes it infuriates me. Sometimes I want to still be in his families life. Not just for me but for the sake of my daughter. I occasionally attend his family events and we will all laugh, joke, talk, etc. Sometimes I'm ok with this, and sometimes I'm not. The ex said I have to stop being so indecisive about this. I don't know what to do? I have a REALLY hard time not getting wrapped up in conversation with him and I miss the family gatherings if I'm not there. Any past breakups of mine have been so much more smooth because no contact really helps speed up the process. But when I HAVE to talk to the ex its SO MUCH EASIER to slip up. I have no willpower
whichwayisup Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 I don't know your situation or why you and your ex broke up, but somehow you need to detach from him. Sure, keep intouch with his side of the family, for your childs sake, but if he truly IS an ex and you two aren't going to get back together, distance yourself emotionally from him, exclude him from your life, except when concerning your daughter. You shouldn't expect to be part of his family though, and involved unless his parents include you. That's just healthier all around because one day he IS going to meet someone else and bring them to family functions..
Author LovieDove24 Posted November 21, 2008 Author Posted November 21, 2008 You say "somehow" but how??? There seem to be a million and one guides on here to help with no contact but none for limited contact. This just eems so much more difficult because it keeps the pain alive...
TrustInYourself Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 Why is he an ex if you guys get along so well. Is that your choice or his?
Author LovieDove24 Posted November 21, 2008 Author Posted November 21, 2008 HIS. We dated for 5 months, not very long. About 4 months into the relationship he told me he loved me. Not too soon after when I told him I was pregnant he ran and it was over. He said he really never loved me and wanted nothing to do with our child. THEN about a month before our daughter was actually born he came back but said he only wants to be a part of our daughters life. I have spent a lot of time with him since our daughter was born. My delusional mind thought there was chemistry and that we got along well enough that it was just a matter of time before he realized the error in his ways. Especially since he came back around for our daughter, why not me? Well I gave him an ultimatum after awhile...I think our daughter was about 3 months at the time...and said we either are gonna be together or have to start splitting time with her. He made his choice and we do split time now but I still see him semi-frequently.
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