jwi71 Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 He chooses his W and kids over YOUR son (and you). He will not be back. He may come crawling back when (not if, when) his marriage ends. But it won't be to see your son or for you. It will be to avoid being alone. But never will he return "for you" or "for your son". He has made that perfectly clear. Stay away. Don't pine for him. Don't wonder how to win him back. Just be glad he is gone, be glad for your son and be glad for the child support.
Author tigger2008 Posted November 21, 2008 Author Posted November 21, 2008 forgive me for being stupid lol but what do you mean by your comment when (not if, when) his marriage ends ?
noforgiveness Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 Cute. Well, you put a high value on it because you're not married with kids and keeping another woman on the side....are you? Of course men value love and want to love the person they're with. But there are other things that will take priority over love, where women tend to throw it all away for love. This is why more women leave marriages than men do. Men will choose responsibility, reputation, and money (not to mention guilt) over love many times because a great deal of their self-image is based on how well they handle their responsibilities. . Oh hogwash. That's one of the myths ow tell themselves to explain why the man stays with his wife instead of running off with her. If they cared so much about responsibility and reputation they would not be running around to begin with. They would do it all in the right order. Have an amicable divorce because the marriage was failing and then find the girlfriend.
jwi71 Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 Based on what you have posted, his M has no chance of surviving. They are not trying to heal the M in a healthy manner. Its a violent circle of abuse. One will eventually give up and leave (that why he had an A). Now, if you take hope in this, you're nuts. He will never love you or your son. His actions prove that. Like I said, he may pop up again...divorced and lonely and with a sob story. But its out of loneliness, not out of feelings for either of you.
noforgiveness Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 I would not stop him if he wanted to see my son in the future but what i would find difficult is accepting the fact that if his marriage ends then he will want to see my son when he didnt have to guts to have a relationship with his son while still in his marriagethat is why i asked in my post do you think we have seen the last of him? his wife definitely knows and has threatened him with the kids she made him have a paternity test and all the correspondance went to his home address and so did the child support forms oh please she can not threaten him with the kids. If he is a good dad like you say he is she can't keep him away from his own children. This man is lying to you. Have YOU spoken with her?
noforgiveness Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 I totally agree - what kind of insanity comes over these women staying with men like this? It's like saying, "If I can't keep you through love, I'll keep you through control. Either way, I keep you and I don't care how I do it." Gee...I wonder if they really think they've actually accomplished something of value...? The worst part of that story was that the forum she was on, the other women kept encouraging her to just help him get over it, get through the fog, and all that crap. Yeah, I'd help him right out that door - that's how I'd help him. Do you have a link to that post? I'd like to read it. Most woman do not ever try to keep a man that says he loves another. Usually the lying mm tells the mm he told wifey he loves the ow but the mean old wife just won't let him go so he just has to stay. Such nonsense. You don't need the wifes permission to leave.
Angel1111 Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 Do you have a link to that post? I'd like to read it. Most woman do not ever try to keep a man that says he loves another. Usually the lying mm tells the mm he told wifey he loves the ow but the mean old wife just won't let him go so he just has to stay. Such nonsense. You don't need the wifes permission to leave. No. It was on the 'Surviving Infidelity' forum. You could search it but it was about 1 yr or more ago. I'll give it some thought - maybe I can remember some key words and search it.
Federica Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 Please keep personal banter to a minimum and address the OP's issues. Thank you guys!
not_clever Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 Hi Tigger2008 I am in a very similar situation to yourself. I have a beautiful daughter whom is 1 year old. The EXmm was around throughout the pregnancy. He reacted similar to yours when his W found out. I now get child support from him as far as Im concerned he will never be in my daughters life. I slammed and bolted that door well and truly firmly closed. I do keep every form of correspondance from solicitors for my daughter in the future {she can see for herself what a twat he is/was} and hopefully she will decide never to contact him. I fortunatly have a good family and friend support network. Funnily my exmm had 3 kids too and said he only stayed for them. I truly hope him and his wife stay together as from what Ive been told infidelity is common for both of them. I don't waste my energy thinking about him at all {he just isn't worth the hassle}. I only thank him for staying away and let me raise my child whom is a total joy and delight.
You'reasian Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 Thankyou 2sure No i didnt get pregnant that way unfortunately he refused to use condoms because he didnt like them!!!! it was a great shock to me as i have 2 grown up kids age 21 and 19 but now i wouldnt change what has happened for anything as my son has brought me so much happiness.He was genuine in everything he said to me and i knew how bad his marriage was before we embarked on the affair,he admits he is a coward and wont leave his wife but he loves his kids so much and doesnt want to be a part time dad .He is still unhappy with all the arguements and now with the financial implications of child support ,his children have heard all the rows(he told me this in his final letter) he said the way things are at home he could still lose everything. I find it interesting that you mention that the man is a coward for not leaving his wife. Why is that?
Author tigger2008 Posted November 22, 2008 Author Posted November 22, 2008 him being a coward his words not mine
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