tidalwave Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 my wife and i have finally started divorce proceedings and we had the first hearing a couple days ago. she showed up to the hearing with the OM who she left the kids and I to be with. she filed for custody even though I have had them since she left (11 months ago) and was awarded custody during our legal separation 5 years ago. my problem is the lies during this thing. my lawyer says this stuff is common and that i shouldn't get so mad but it is hard. she stands there in court and claims that she was abused (by me) and that is why she left me and the kids, and that i haven't allowed her to see the kids and that is why she hasnt seen them much (only 7 times since she left, 5 of those were initiated by me, no overnights, just usually seen for 5-8 mins.) she told me all along that she wanted a "fresh start" and she told me and the kids that she was leaving to be with her boyfriend. she constantly told me to take the kids and move on, she was a bad person, we will be better off, etc... but while she has been telling me that, she tells the OM that i wouldn't let her see the kids, i am mean, etc. now he has made her go to court (because of pressure from his family) and she is there telling lies that i cant defend (other than of course saying "that's not true"). I have never been to jail, i dont drink, i only smoke cigars occasionally, dont go to clubs, etc. i tried very hard to get her to see the kids and she just wouldn't. i dont know how to be calm and just let things play out. i am constantly paranoid that my kids will be taken away from me and that lies will become reality and my kids and i will be the ones who suffer. we now have interviews with the domestic relations department: they will interview both parents, the kids, inspect the homes, etc. i know i am a good parent and to be honest she was too when she was there, but i am worried about the lies. i dont know what to do about this situation. i dont know how to calm down, and i dont know how to combat the lies. i dont want to name all of the bad things the soon to be ex wife has done, i just want what's best for the kids. is there any help here? any advice? anything would be welcome...
Alex_M Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 That's a tough situation. I'm sorry I can't give much advice but I just want to say goodluck to you. Hope everything works out for you and your kids.
quankanne Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 the best defense is to live your life in a manner that doesn't give cause for concern (i.e., you can refute her lies simply by showing your lifestyle isn't what she says) ... and then start taping the beetch whenever she starts talking both sides of her mouth and give a copy of that recording to your lawyer. You might want to check, but I believe it's legal to record a conversation with someone when one of the parties knows it's being taped.
Lady Bird Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 I'm sorry you are in this situation. Unfortunately, this happens too many times, what helped for me is I kept telling myself that the truth would come out and it took time (long while sadly) but it did come out so that everyone know I was telling the truth. Definately live life as normal and continue doing the right things for your children. Are they old enough to be interviewed by the courts? Perhaps they can testify that the accusations are false and what she has told them.
Lady Bird Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 I would also add to inform your attorney of her bad doings but do NOT get into a mud slinging contest. It brings you down to her level and makes you look just as bad plus it gets harder for people to see the truth with everything mixed out there. Hold your head high and remember you don't have to answer to her anymore or answer/explain what she says about you because you know the truth of the matter.
pelicanpreacher Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 From here on out let all incoming calls from her go to voicemail. This way, anything she says on the phone that might be of an incriminating nature can be legally used against her since she knew she was being recorded at the time of the call. You should also post a promininent warning on the exterior of your home announcing that your home is equipped with a security system that incorporates electronic sound and video monitoring so that if she says anything in your presence (or without) within your home it can also be legally used against her in a court of law. You should also sit your children down in the presence of your lawyer to give them the legal understanding of perjury and its consequences so that your stbx can't sway them with false promises to tell lies against you. Set and use these traps so that sooner or later your stbx will slip and damn herself to hell but good!
Author tidalwave Posted November 22, 2008 Author Posted November 22, 2008 I would also add to inform your attorney of her bad doings but do NOT get into a mud slinging contest. It brings you down to her level and makes you look just as bad plus it gets harder for people to see the truth with everything mixed out there. Hold your head high and remember you don't have to answer to her anymore or answer/explain what she says about you because you know the truth of the matter. i think you are right. i dont want to sling any mud, i am not that type of person. i just want to get on with my life and make sure my kids are taken care of. i hate this whole situation.
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