savvy_girl Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 :confused:Hi- I just joined this site. I was dating someone for 4 yrs. We were engaged, were fighting about stupid things, which really did not matter, in fact sometimes they were hypothetical things. Anyway he comes to visit me and breaks up with me. I was stunned as we had agreed to really work on this. I asked him if there was anyone else-no, he still loved be but blah blah blah. This was over a year ago, we talked around Thanksgiving, talked on Christmas, and he still claims no new gf. I find out in March 2008 he was seeing someone. After numerous calls & months, he said he started to date someone 2 WEEKS after he ended things. I could not believe it. One of his cousins wives set him up w/ her cousin. Of course she is better than I in every way(according to him). So we started to talk in July after he sent me a birthday present..my birthday is in March. Long story short, he is dating this girl, and telling me he is still in love w/me. He comes to see me in August & promises to break-up w/her. His excuse for dating so quickly was to help him forget about me. I told him it is not fair to either of us. When he sees me, he says how much he still loves me and how it hurts. He called to tell me he ended it w/ her. Came to see me in Septemeber..we live about 2 hours from each other. Then says he is taking a break from all women. So I left him alone. This week I found out he & new gf are on vacation together. I called him and he returns the call saying he is playing golf in SC w/ his golf buddies. His mother said he was out shopping & would not be home Sunday night. So I called Monday and she said he was still away, but gave away he was with her. I am so angry that he lied to me. In fact his mother said they were getting engaged soon. WTF? What can I do? Thanks for listening.
EmperorR Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 Go NC, move on and forget about him, he's just keeping you on the sidelines in case it doesn't work out he can go back to good ol saavy_girl, who he knows everything about and loves him. How can he love you if he's with someone else? and it's by choice. You see the tendencies of this man and how he's lying already to cover his tracks, he wants his cake and to eat it to. GO NC, its the only way to regain your self esteem and move on, I know it's hard at first but trust me it's the best thing to do. The whole I love you still is a piece of a crap,when people love each other they are with each other.
alwayssme Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 wow i cant believe the different break up stories i keep hearing about. I never thought people could change so much
Jenny123 Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 He's selfish lying prick, ask urself if a friend told you this story what would ur advice be? let him go, U deserve someone, that will move mountains for you and be his princess. He is out there:bunny:
TeaAbraham Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 Haha, you're so sweet. You don't have to thank us for listening. We all want to hear each other's issues and help each other out! Sounds like he just seizes whatever opportunity there is out there when he feels bad. That's sad. It must feel terrible for him to come running back to you and then to just go running away again. You've got to come to a point where if he comes running back to you, you won't want anything to do with it. He simply goes after whatever he can get! You are not important to him, he is the only thing that is important to him. You have to see that and ask yourself: do you really care about someone who is like that? My ex told me she was taking a break from men too, and that she just wanted to discover who she was. Crock of sh*t if you ask me. She had been in contact with her ex and started seeing him a week after she moved out (the second he got his flight back to Denver). Up until her ex came back she was running to me for support. Coming to me to hold her and tell her everything is going to be alright when she was feeling bad. The second his plane lands: "look, I don't see us being anything more than friends." These people just jump on whatever they can to satisfy their own emotional shortcomings. It's pathetic. I didn't know my ex was like this for many years either. But when push comes to shove, that's when you find out. You don't have to stand for it. Jenny is right, there are many men out there who will move mountains for you. There's no point letting this prick who doesn't move anything except his needy, conniving, joke of a human specimen from woman to woman, get to you and throw you into despair! NC I say. You deserve the world, don't sell yourself short being depressed over this guy.
Author savvy_girl Posted November 22, 2008 Author Posted November 22, 2008 Thanks everyone- If a friend told me the same story, I would say "his loss". The lies he tells are so grandiose I cannot believe he would think I WOULD believe him. According to him, he never told new gf the truth about us. She never knew about our engagement, that he reumed contact me me & we were talking daily, he came to see me in the summer & bought me a TIffany bracelet...I should send it to her. He actually had the nerve to ask me to have sex w/him, to which I replied "Are you insane?". He told me all about their sex life, how she puts on Victoria's Secret fashion shows for him when they rent hotel rooms so they can have sex. He still lives at home, never went away to college. I am petite, and happend to mention how low my weight is, of course she weighs 3lbs less than me, is petite as well, and has 36 D breasts. He really is a jerk, in addition to being a coward. He cannot face me, he knows I know the truth...but why LIE so much? He originally told me she was 37, but when I confronted him abot her age showing up as being 31, he was speechless. He said he did not want me to feel bad as I looked older than her. Well I should, I am over 10 yrs older. HE is 46 and looks every minute of it. I have to do NC. I am at a loss for words. Thanks, (feeling not so) savvy
LittleDove Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 Hi savvy guess what?? ive just been through the EXACT same thing. Split with my X 6 months ago.. for the first 2 months we spoke daily...hes hurting, hes raw, he was emotional, and crying on the phone..(i moved 1000kms or a 12 hr drive or 1 hr flight away) in the end I rang a friend and asked if he was seeing anyone.. Oh yeah, he was with someone new, who he described as..'perfect'. I was gutted. At the same time he was telling me how he missed me, and thier relationship wasnt the same as ours, and he wasnt close to her, he still dreamt of me...bla bla bla. then I saw him, and more dribble about how awful she was, and how stuck he was... Move mountains. YES Thats what people IN LOVE do for LOVE. No man is stuck. These men lie, cheat and whatever else, with no guilt or remorse. They aint moving their pinky finger...just their mouths... Selfish men, who are out for themselves. Telling us what they know we would love to hear...its all fabricated. walk away, and leave him with his lies and insecurities. and send her a 'picture' of the braclet! not a tiffany braclet!! dont give it to her. Give her HIM instead!!!
norajane Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 Dude is a BIG liar. You should be sooooo over him at this point. He's got nothing to offer anyone but lies. Thank the stars you didn't have the huge misfortune to find out about his lying nature after you were married and stuck with a big liar. So many better men out there - go find one and stop ALL contact with him. Ignore him, forever.
Hersheys Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 Hi savvy girl! You're ex is like my ex. You don't know what to believe anymore with the things they say. It may be difficult but try your best to go NC on him. Ignore him. Stop contacting him, his friends or any family members. Don't take seriously most of the things he says to you because most, if not all of them aren't true! Liars are a waste of your time. Invest your time and emotions on quality men who will treat you with respect and will not play games with you. Be glad you did not end up marrying him. His breaking off the engagement maybe is the universe's way of saying to you that there is someone better out there waiting for you.
lofi_tokyo Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 What Norajane and Hersheys have said is absolutely true. Be glad ya didn't wind up married to this guy. He sounds like a crummy guy to date in the long term - kinda flakey. First time marriage divorce rates in the USA are at like 41% I think? Second time marriage divorce rates are at 60%. So lets say you married him, he flaked out on you THEN, and you DIVORCED! Your second marriage would already be put into an even ****tier bracket for survival. Be glad you didn't waste your first marriage on a guy who is no longer worth your time.
Author savvy_girl Posted November 22, 2008 Author Posted November 22, 2008 :confused:The big question is why does he feel the need to lie? I do not believe a word out of his mouth, and he knows this. His excuse for not seeing me face to face..it will hurt him too much, he will see me and I will look cute, and then his loving feelings will come back...he does not want to feel that for me. Well, he is dating a Mini Victoria's Secret model, and continues to remark on how superlative she is in every way. I know I am better off without him. I do deserve better as I am sweet and have a lot of love in my heart. Why waste it on him? Oh yesterday I received a voicemail from him saying we could talk but he was not prepared, and chooses, not to do it face to face. Well I will be sure not to answer my cell today. Thanks for the support.
TeaAbraham Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 He's go to lie because if he didn't lie to himself and others he would have to actually confront the weenie he really is!
Author savvy_girl Posted November 22, 2008 Author Posted November 22, 2008 I agree. I can look at myself in the mirror, and know I have integrity and am honest. I doubt if he can do the same. At one point when he decided to take this break, he sounded as if he was having an emotional breakdown. I do have poor impulse control. I hate to admit this, but did confront him via phone today, and even told him what his mother said...well no mystery here, he LIED about it all. He said she did not understand me, he has no idea why she said that, it is not true, and again swore on her life he is broken up w/gf. I asked him why he could not face me, and he said that it is painful and would also be leading me on. He still maintains his love for me, but feels we can never work it out, so why try. I just said of course we cannot work it out if you are getting ready to marry someone else. Unbelievable. But, now I MUST go NC. It is imperative to my mental and physical health. I feel as if I wasted so much time w/ this person, and most importantly my final fertile years. But the other posters are right, if you love someone, you will do anything for them, as he used to do for me. Hugs, savvy
TeaAbraham Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 He still maintains his love for me, but feels we can never work it out Haha. I love this line. It's so sickening. I have definitely heard this one. Many others have here as well. They think they are being so righteous in still having that love but they are prepared to "do the right thing." They're just trying to justify their behavior to themselves. Don't believe that "I still love you" bullsh*t. All it does is make them feel better about what they're doing. It's so not true. One of my favorite quotes is: "There's theoretical love, then there's applied love." This love bs is theoretical at best. Don't let him get you down! *Hugs back*
EmperorR Posted November 23, 2008 Posted November 23, 2008 Haha. I love this line. It's so sickening. I have definitely heard this one. Many others have here as well. They think they are being so righteous in still having that love but they are prepared to "do the right thing." They're just trying to justify their behavior to themselves. Don't believe that "I still love you" bullsh*t. All it does is make them feel better about what they're doing. It's so not true. One of my favorite quotes is: "There's theoretical love, then there's applied love." This love bs is theoretical at best. Don't let him get you down! *Hugs back* my ex cheated on me dumped and said she still loved me don't believe that crap they don't love you, if they loved you they would still be with you.
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