amiracle Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 I recently sent a very innocent email to an old friend, former bf, whom I had not seen in over 20 yrs., but had email contact once every 6- 7 yrs. Just wanted to see if he was doing well. He wrote back immediately, extremely happy to hear from me and finished the email with a comment that totally confused me. He told me he remembered best our `other physical activities- which he enjoyed very much. (I had commented on our many sports activities together). I was completely shocked since we had agreed to be just friends over 20 yrs. ago and since then he had never given any indication in other emails, that he remembered our dating period. He then went on to say that he must come and see me, since he is now closer to where I live. (Still a 7 hr. flight). I had not invited him per se, but thought that it would be nice to see my old friend, so I was happy about that. He mentioned how busy he was- he is the head of a few major institutions on 2 continents- so he could not write more now, but we could use video conferencing for quick communication. The next day he called me (from another continent) and we saw each other on video- first visual contact in over 20 years! He was still as hot as ever!! Judging by his reaction he was pleased to see me too. He said he would come to see me very soon and that he would call in a few days. We had another, short communication via video, but this time we were both a bit shy. Neither one of us is shy!! We are both used to being in charge of large institutions and give talks in front of large amounts of people- I do not feel shy normally. I was with him. Again he said he had to go- we were both very busy- and that he would contact me soon regarding his trip to come and see me. Two weeks later I had no communication from him, just noticed that we both signed on to the messenger at odd times of the night- Finally I left a message to tell him about this beautiful part of the world, when he signed on and he told me that he planned on visiting in Dec. and that he loved my vivaciousness etc.- and he was very much excited just talking to me. Again, over a week has passed and I have not heard anything from him. Here are my problems at the moment: 1) he never used to be this direct about sexual matters- now he is! 2) why is he not communicating?- I don't have time for emails myself- but a short IM or hello should be possible! 3)he is very clear about his goal - to have as much sex as possible- ( we both have very fond memories of our past together!!)- but he should know me better than to expect me to just fall into bed with him- I need to talk first- to establish some sort of connection. I just want to see how things are going and I would love to enjoy his raw, male energy again, but am not ready unless he shows more interest in me via communicating verbally and consistently for a bit. I need help! I have always been going out with alpha males- so I am used to the determination etc. I am very strong myself and have lots of male friends here who would love to be my lovers, so I am not desperate for male energy. I would love to see what will happen, but his behavior seems confusing to me. Since I have not been dating in a while I would appreciate any input, both male and female. My friends have always told me I need to be hit over the head before I notice a man is interested, so maybe this is another problem area of mine. Any observation, opinion would be helpful to me! Thanks so much!
kashmir Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 How does that make him an alphamale? To me it sounds like he's crazy, or really desperate for sex, or both. If you're so confident with your strength, why don't you just tell him what you want? Use some of that raw female energy.
xpaperxcutx Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 That alphamale is a cheeky bastard for sure. is that right? OP, I think you're looking too much into his actions to fully look at the situation clearly. You were easily swayed by one email and one webcam chat that all of a sudden you're imagining romantic get togethers and whatnot. He isn't so much an alpha male as a guy that changes his mind too often. Seems like he'll only communicate if you initiate first. Does that even mean that he's at all interested? I bet if you go a month without contacting him, he won't even notice.
Author amiracle Posted November 21, 2008 Author Posted November 21, 2008 kashmir- thanks for your observations! I will try and use that raw female energy- but only on someone who deserves it. I am not so sure what is going on with this male. I know he can have lots of women- so it does not make sense to me that he would fly all the way to where I am. That would be crazy! Johan-- I agree totally. Any thoughts on what I should do? By the way- saw your post on legs--:)I have nice legs... Would that help in my situation?
4givrnt4gtr Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 Hm well, just to comment on the above message, i dont think the OP said that she contacted him first....so we dont know that part... however what seems very very clear to me is that he wants a booty call for when he goes to where you live...thats it. Botty call = No interest in a connection, just sex Thats the type those kinds of things are. Now if you're cool with that, then hey, have fun, whatever floats your boat. But dont expect a connection or intimacy of any kind...just sex. If you want more...I would make it very clear to him that thats not the type of woman you are, and if that is all he wants, he barked up the wrong tree. Now as to why its so clear? well, the fact that he was so blunt about missing the sex. He didnt say I miss YOU he literally said he missed the sex. I dont know about you, but I hate it when Im with someone who I know its not with me because he likes me but because he wants IT. Makes me feel like a warm blow up doll.... Just my 2 cents.
Crestfallen_KH Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 Are you sure he's not married and just flattered by the attentions of an ex so that he can get some no-strings attached sex? If he heads some major institutions, you could probably Google him and find out for sure. It sounds as if he's just after sex, not necessarily you (hence my suspicions).
Author amiracle Posted November 21, 2008 Author Posted November 21, 2008 I agree totally- it felt to me that he was concentrating on the sex! He did invite me to stay at his home anytime... I know he was divorced over 10 yrs ago and about his grown kids. He was always so respectful, even though he was a go-getter- it is just such strange behavior for him. What gets me is that he could have all these women anyway- why go through the trouble of seeing me ? Google brings up thousands of pages- with pics and citations etc. - I don't care about his accomplishments- I have known him as a good person for so long- it is hard to figure out his behavior now. He did contact me 3x before I actually contacted him- I have never chased a man- and have no intention of contacting him again. Just wanted to make sure that I am not over reacting here... It is just weird!
norajane Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 Who says he's going to any trouble to see you? His business could be bringing him to town anyway. Or it might be on his way somewhere, to one of those other continents or something. A stop-over. And if he does, are you sure you want to have sex with him? He's got you all in a flurry already. Can you forget about him when he leaves? Because if it's driving you crazy that he's not calling you or contacting you now, it's going to be 10 times worse after you have sex.
alphamale Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 That alphamale is a cheeky bastard for sure. i disagree strongly
Author amiracle Posted November 21, 2008 Author Posted November 21, 2008 i disagree strongly LOL could you elaborate on that- you seem to have additional knowledge- I would love to learn more
alphamale Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 LOL could you elaborate on that- no........
Author amiracle Posted November 21, 2008 Author Posted November 21, 2008 figures--- trade secrets I guess... I will crack the code anyway- eventually
RecordProducer Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 I I would love to see what will happen, but his behavior seems confusing to me.I think this is the whole point of this post: his behavior intrigues you and therefore, you want to see what will happen. This guy is seven hours of flight away from you; he wants sex; and he is sneaky and slippery about communicating with you. He might even be married. If you start anything with him, it will likely not be fulfilling as you both have very little time and live far away from each other. Why would you be interested in him? If you want just a fling, then go for it, but don't expect that anything serious will come out of this. It's not impossible, but it's highly unlikely.
Touche Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 Well I must say I've made the mistake of getting involved with this type before. Your instincts are right on. Many of them were "nice guys" when they were younger. The type we walked all over (yep..remember them?) And now? They're users and sometimes abusers. Tread carefully. I'm not saying this guy fits the profile but if I were a betting woman I'd say he's one or both for sure. Here are the signs from what I recall: He'll almost never ask about your life. His conversation will most likely revolve around him and his life and/or will be sexually suggestive in nature. He may be very romantic. He might say all the right things...but it's all a means to an end..sex. His compliments will always only have something to do with your looks or again, will have something to do with sex. They'll never be about your personality in any way. You'll feel like you can just be anyone. He may not ever say your name. He might make up a pet name but it's a name he can call anyone..not your name. Why is he chasing after you? Because men like this thrive on the challenge. I'd almost bet everything I have that he's a cheater. The more challenging you are, the harder he'll chase you. Watch. And be careful. This kind of guy is intoxicating but also very dangerous. Most of us have made the mistake of falling for a guy like this.
xpaperxcutx Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 Well I must say I've made the mistake of getting involved with this type before. Your instincts are right on. Many of them were "nice guys" when they were younger. The type we walked all over (yep..remember them?) And now? They're users and sometimes abusers. Tread carefully. I'm not saying this guy fits the profile but if I were a betting woman I'd say he's one or both for sure. Here are the signs from what I recall: He'll almost never ask about your life. His conversation will most likely revolve around him and his life and/or will be sexually suggestive in nature. He may be very romantic. He might say all the right things...but it's all a means to an end..sex. His compliments will always only have something to do with your looks or again, will have something to do with sex. They'll never be about your personality in any way. You'll feel like you can just be anyone. He may not ever say your name. He might make up a pet name but it's a name he can call anyone..not your name. Why is he chasing after you? Because men like this thrive on the challenge. I'd almost bet everything I have that he's a cheater. The more challenging you are, the harder he'll chase you. Watch. And be careful. This kind of guy is intoxicating but also very dangerous. Most of us have made the mistake of falling for a guy like this. Touche you hit the point.
whichwayisup Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 In all honesty, I find it odd that people reach backwards into their past, and try to start something up again with a former flame after so many years apart. You say he is an ex, and an old friend, but has he BEEN in your daily life? Does he truly know who you are now, do you know him as he is now? My guess is no. Plus, the distance between you is a problem.. And, you don't even know if this guy is married or seeing someone. Since no phone numbers were exchanged and it's been online only, I wouldn't bank too much on the seriousness of hooking up, let alone it turning into a relationship. Just my 2 cents.
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