serenitylies Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 My boyfriend and I of two years have broken up three times total so far. We are currently broken up. But the last two times, he was always the dumper, and after a month or so, I start going out and doing my own thing; partying, hanging out with other people without him. And as I start taking interest in other guys who Id like to pursue as a potential boyfriend, my ex always wants to come back and tell me he wants to talk. When we talk, he tells me he misses me and that he still loves me. He says he wants me back and needs me back. I end up giving him a second chance, and the same happens for the third chance I give him. This time, it has happened again, but this he is the one that is currently seeing someone else not me. But he comes over to my house and tells me that he misses me and still loves me. He has the hopes of getting back together. But should I even give him another chance? Hes seeing someone else, who used to be one of my friends, he is too busy making out with her and holding her at night when they sleep. He's hurt me a lot over the past 2 years but I cant help the fact that I still love this guy. Should I give him another chance?
RecordProducer Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 As much as I understood, HE broke up with you, found someone else, and now wants you back? I would tell him: "Break up with your new girlfriend and I'll THINK about it. If you love me so much, you'll wait, you'll try to show me that I am worth waiting for, and you'll help me re-gain trust in you." He should learn a lesson after dumping you and hooking up with another girl. If he says "forget it" then YOU forget about him. Like... yesterday.
Author serenitylies Posted November 21, 2008 Author Posted November 21, 2008 Agreed, but even though he says that he still loves me, he refuses to break up with her. And frankly, its annoying. Because I always see them together. And he expects me to go hang out with them sometimes and even my friends think so too, even as I tell them the reasons why I dont want to. I guess sometimes people dont understand certain things unless theyve experienced it themselves.
gd26 Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 Stop listening to all his BS and find a man who will treat you like a princess. I don't know why you are settling for all this nonsense. Move on already.
lofi_tokyo Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 Here is my assessment: -Even dumpers can go on the rebound. Your ex is clearly, CLEARLY, on the rebound. In those two years you and him must have had something pretty special. From the sounds of it though, with all those break-ups, something was not working out, and probably would not last in the long term. I think, what is happening here, is your ex has realized that you and him are probably not going to work out in the long run. That being said, he still misses you, you two had a wonderful, emotional, relationship for two years, and he is having a hard time filling the void. He is afraid to let go because he is afraid he won't find anything better. But he wants something else, so he is forcing himself to try and date other girls that show potential so he can find what he feels is missing in your relationship with him. Your ex clearly loves you in some way, but is horribly, horribly confused, and misinformed on how being a good man works. In a relationship where there are a lot of breakups/getting back together, there is a lot of emotional strain. He probably started to date this girl because its a new, fresh, relationship and she makes him feel good. The problem is, he CLEARLY has not healed from dating you, the emotional pains you two shared still exist, and he is just confused. My advice? He may be delaying his healing, but don't delay yours. If he won't dump the new girl for you, hes just not that into you right now. Have some pride, girl! You don't need to settle for second best! You're number one! Take some time to yourself, do some soul searching, heal. If in a few months or even years your ex gets his head on straight and is able to prove to you he KNOWS you are number one, then by all means, if you are still interested, try something out. For now though? You're just setting both of yourselves back in healing, and furthermore, you're letting him drag you down. Don't. No man is worth that kind of treatment!
RecordProducer Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 Stop listening to all his BS and find a man who will treat you like a princess. I don't know why you are settling for all this nonsense. Move on already.This is the only thing you should do if you want true love i your life. I don't even see that you have any other choice. He's with someone else and wants to stay with her. Do you want to be #2? He is willing to cheat on her with you; do you want to help him have his cake and eat it too?
BCCA Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 I'm sorry that someone would treat you this way. Guys like this give us all a bad name. If he wanted to get back together it could litterally happen overnight. He breaks it off with her, tells her that he still has feelings for you, and you two get back together. It's not like getting back together should take months or even a week. He's stalling because in actuality, I would guess he does NOT want to dump his new gf or get back together with you, but he's perfectly content playing both sides. The old saying goes, "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me". He's already burned you 3 times. Honestly ask yourself what makes you think that he wouldnt do the exact same thing again if given the opportunity. I cant predict the future, but generally, past behavior is a pretty good way to anticipate future behavior. I would be tell this guy to hit the road and lose your number. He seems like he's really immature and doesnt have anyones interests in mind but his own. And he asks you to hang out with him and his new gf? Wow, talk about a low blow. I guess he really wants her to think you two are just friends now. What do you think the chances are that he's telling you and this new gf totally opposite stories about whats going on? Which story is the truth? Exactly...he's a bum. I'm sorry, I'm sure you guys had some good times together, but he's a waste of your time.
lofi_tokyo Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 I'm sorry that someone would treat you this way. Guys like this give us all a bad name. If he wanted to get back together it could litterally happen overnight. He breaks it off with her, tells her that he still has feelings for you, and you two get back together. It's not like getting back together should take months or even a week. He's stalling because in actuality, I would guess he does NOT want to dump his new gf or get back together with you, but he's perfectly content playing both sides. The old saying goes, "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me". He's already burned you 3 times. Honestly ask yourself what makes you think that he wouldnt do the exact same thing again if given the opportunity. I cant predict the future, but generally, past behavior is a pretty good way to anticipate future behavior. I would be tell this guy to hit the road and lose your number. He seems like he's really immature and doesnt have anyones interests in mind but his own. And he asks you to hang out with him and his new gf? Wow, talk about a low blow. I guess he really wants her to think you two are just friends now. What do you think the chances are that he's telling you and this new gf totally opposite stories about whats going on? Which story is the truth? Exactly...he's a bum. I'm sorry, I'm sure you guys had some good times together, but he's a waste of your time. Hahahah BCCA, I love you sometimes. Thats one good post! Your ex is a dummy. I'm sorry, but he is. What I wrote in my original post I feel is true, but I would like to add that... You just don't treat a girl how he's treating you! He's with another woman, and he needs to let you go! Honestly! Time to MOVE ON!
RecordProducer Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 The old saying goes, "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me". He's already burned you 3 times. Honestly ask yourself what makes you think that he wouldnt do the exact same thing again if given the opportunity. I cant predict the future, but generally, past behavior is a pretty good way to anticipate future behavior. Great post, BCCA. Every time he wants to hook up with a new girl, he'll pull the breakup trick on her, and voila: he gets to try out new girls all while she's waiting patiently for him to throw the crumbs in her direction and sand in her eyes. I've seen it before: A breaks up with B on Monday, has sex with C on Tuesday and on Wednesday, begs B to take him/her back. Hell, even I've done it once: I really wanted to break up with this BF because I wasn't happy with him; I hooked up with another guy - turns out he's married; two weeks later, I am back with the old BF, who never found out what happened. I don't regret it as the BF was a jerk anyway, but my point is that I treated him as a jerk. Is this girl a jerk who deserves this treatment? And he asks you to hang out with him and his new gf? Wow, talk about a low blow. He's rubbing the other girl in both girls' faces to feed his ego.
Author serenitylies Posted November 22, 2008 Author Posted November 22, 2008 Hahaha! Thanks guys for all this advice. And I agree with every single one. Yeah he is a jerk and yeah I deserve better, to be #1!!! If I cant get it from this guy, I know for certain I can get it from someone else, who can be better. Two years is hard to deal with when theres all the memories and whatnot. But sometimes life is hard. And I gotta learn from my mistakes and from his. He always says that he is looking forward to getting back with me but I tell him to change. He tells me the truth now and again if I ask him things. But he's been lying for the past two years. I really dont know how I dealt with it for so long but I guess its time to put a stop to it.
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