goodguy85 Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 I've been friends with this girl for 5 months who has a boyfriend. She moved from the east coast out here in the West to be with him for his new job. She doesn't want to be with him, but doesn't know how to end it because they live together. He is her first boyfriend. She is very shy, very innocent, and a good heart. He is very controlling and is busy working at a hedge fund and doesnt spend time at home wih her. Tells her what to eat and how she should dress. She told him that she doesnt feel the same way about him anymore and he begged her that he's changed. Our friendship morphed into a relationship and we realized that we are great for each other because we love each other's imperfections. Even though I wanted to, I never forced her to break up because that needed to be her decision. She also told me that she loves me so much. A month ago, I told her I couldn't keep seeing her for only 1hr every week because I wanted to be with her all the time. She cried and said her heart wants to be with me but she doesnt know why she cant leave this guy. Since that day she hasn't responded to any of my friendly calls to see how she is doing. I also emailed her a letter stating that I didn't think I would lose her as a friend . The question is.. why is she avoiding me, will she ever talk to me again and did I do something wrong to a potential love of my life?
whichwayisup Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 Have you actually seen their dynamtic firsthand? I find it hard to believe that she would give up her life, move to be with him and all of a sudden he's a jerk and controlling. It's possible, but I doubt it. Seems she's just connected with you and has you on the side. She has no real intentions of leaving him, even though she's told you she may leave him but doesn't know how. In all honesty, there isn't much to fight for, I mean you say she's an innocent girl - Well, her cheating on her boyfriend isn't innocent and it definately shows that instead of taking control of her life, ending it because SHE wants out, she's willing to stay and keep someone on the side. Atleast that's how it reads so far. She is keeping her distance from you because she knows what she's doing is wrong, as do you.
Yamaha Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 She is probably not being honest with you because she likes what she is getting from you but is NOT willing to leave her BF for you. It is the best of both worlds for her. She gets you as an adoring friend and him for the relationship. If she really loved you that much she would leave him to be with you. She just didn't want to end things with you so she strung you along. Now she had to pick and she picked her BF. I seriously doubt she will ever call you. She just couldn't juggle you in the mix anymore so you are the odd man out.
Author goodguy85 Posted November 25, 2008 Author Posted November 25, 2008 The main thing that upsets me is that there was no closure. The only painful thing is that there was no closure with someone that I considered a great friend. Not once has a call or email (total of 3) been returned. I believe everyone in life needs closure to learn and successfully move along.
LakesideDream Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 The main thing that upsets me is that there was no closure. The only painful thing is that there was no closure with someone that I considered a great friend. Not once has a call or email (total of 3) been returned. I believe everyone in life needs closure to learn and successfully move along. Goodguy, you will become a SmarterGuy when you realize that there is no such thing as "closure". Closure is something Oprah and Dr. Phil made up for daytime television. In the real world it doesen't happen. Your GF or crush (affair partner? That wasn't clear) gave you all the "closure" you needed by instituting "NO CONTACT". It's exactly what 90% of the people on this site would have reccomended she do both for herself and for you. You already have what you need to move on. Now man up and do it.
whichwayisup Posted November 25, 2008 Posted November 25, 2008 You have to help closure along by accepting certain things about your friendship with her. Fact is, you knew from the start she had a boyfriend and moved to be with him. Make your own closure and understand that you two crossed the platonic lines, it wasn't "just" a friendship because you have feelings for her. It was an inappropriate friendship that lead to something else and yes, you're hurting but you have no choice but to let go, try to get past this. Whatever you do, don't contact her and definately don't expect or hope for a phone call or email from her. The silence speaks loud and clear - 3 times she could have returned your contact and she hasn't. Sorry to be blunt, but it's time to close your heart and move on from this girl. She's made her choice.
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