fishtaco Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 I broke up with my girlfriend last night. We broke up because of incompatibilities, but I really like her, and I still care about her. It was one of those situations where outside of the incompatibilities, we were absolutely great together. But when emotions are running all over, I don't communicate very well, and unsurprisingly said things that were said the wrong way. Like instead of talking about our incompatibilities, I only talked about how she wasn't compatible with me, which came off as "your fault", when really I'm equally responsible myself. I don't want to get back together, because that just means we're going to have an even bigger break up some time in the future. But I would like to send her a message saying basically the things above; apologize for my words and maybe clarify. But maybe I should just let it go? Also she bought some artwork when we were on vacation and left them at my house. I had forgotten about them until I saw them this morning. I'm thinking of packaging them up and sending them to her, maybe I can include a letter with it? Thanks.
lofi_tokyo Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 Eww. Don't send that letter! Do you know how hurtful it is to hear you really like her but you don't want to date her? That messes a girl up! You'll get her thinking you still want to be with her, or at the very least, you'll get her thinking she has a chance with you, which by the sounds of it, she doesn't. You mention how you feel that if you and her stayed together, you'd have an even bigger break up later. Okay. So you are saying you don't see a future with her. You could tell her that: You're an amazing girl but I just don't see a future for us in the long term. But why bother? She probably already knows that because isn't that why we break up with people? Because a relationship is not sustainable in the long term? It sounds to me like you're feeling guilty and want to comfort her. As many people here on LS will tell you, its okay to break up, it happens, but you've gotta go No Contact so that your ex can heal.
Author fishtaco Posted November 20, 2008 Author Posted November 20, 2008 Thanks, I had a feeling that was the wrong thing to do. You are right. I care a lot about her still, and I feel bad that I said things that I shouldn't have said, and I would like to comfort her. But the problem is if I were uninvolved as a platonic friend, then I could step in to comfort her. Since I'm the perpetrator, I should stay out... I'm mixing up my role. Maybe one day we can stay friends, after this is all over. We'll see. Thanks for setting me straight. What about the artwork? I should just package them up and send them to her, or should I wait for like a year to make sure this is over before I send them?
openbook08 Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 yup. just leave her alone. artwork prob last thing on her mind. I prob. wouldnt ever send it. If she wants it she'll let you know. I know it sounds cruel - leave her alone - but the confusion of anything else will only hurt her more. sorry to hear about your break up
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