ConfusedAtHome Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 I have come to the realization that my ex of 3 years just fell out of love with me. We had a great relationship until about 6 months ago. I think we spent too much time together, which suffocated her. The spark just faded. Then she began flirting with a straight girl at work, which made her question her love for me. This has brought us to where we are now: broken-up, but living in the same house until that is resolved. We are amicable in the house and are having as little contact as possible. It is a difficult situation because we truly like one another as friends and do love one another. We don't have terrible fights, we don't scream, etc. Has anyone else had their significant other fall out of love with them? What can I expect over the next few months?
lofi_tokyo Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 My SO fell out of love with me. He fell in love with another girl. What to look to in the future? Well, for one thing, you can look forward to healing, falling out of love with your ex as well, and meeting someone new to love. Its a slow and grueling process, but it will happen, you'll be happy again.
Author ConfusedAtHome Posted November 20, 2008 Author Posted November 20, 2008 I am actually handling this pretty well. Better than I expected! I think I have been falling out of love with her too, but it happened more quickly for her. I honestly thought I would spend my life with her, but that doesn't seem to be in the cards. We are so similar and compatible in many ways and wanted the same things, had the same tastes, etc. Everything was perfect...until all of this happened. My friends, of course, are saying that she will regret this in the future and that I should be prepared for some type of contact down the road. I'm not sure about this assessment. Maybe they are just trying to make me feel better.
alwayssme Posted November 20, 2008 Posted November 20, 2008 my ex "fell out of love" with me because we spent too much time together. i still love him so not sure we're on the same page, but it was very hard for me because I wasn't expecting it. Sometimes good things do fall apart. I don't know what to tell ya. Look forward to healing if you're hurting. You said you're handling this pretty well so it shouldn't be as hard if you're not in love with her. Good luck!
TeaAbraham Posted November 21, 2008 Posted November 21, 2008 My ex fell out of love with me. Actually I thought I had fallen out of love with her first, and so I wasn't affectionate towards her. After not being affectionate to her for so long, she became very very sad. After a few months of this she had fallen out of love with me too. The only thing is she fell out of love with me and into love with my best friend, which really sucks. Anyway, I realized that I was still very much in love with her. I honestly thought I would spend my life with her, but that doesn't seem to be in the cards. We are so similar and compatible in many ways and wanted the same things, had the same tastes, etc. Everything was perfect...until all of this happened. Sounds like our relationship too. We both thought we would grow old together. We both thought we would marry each other. We were actually secretly married for a long time (although not legally). Anyway, I still have that aspiration, but she does not. That hurts like hell. If she has fallen out of love with you it's good that you are falling out of love with her too. Realizing how much I really do love my ex has been the most painful thing in my life, especially realizing the mistake I made in thinking that I didn't actually love her. We probably spent too much time together too. Which was part of the reason I thought I fell out of love with her. At least on two occasions I told her I wanted to spend more time with my friends. This made her so sad. It wasn't that I didn't love her! She meant everything to me. I was just spending 24 hours a day with her and I wanted to see my buddies too. When my ex moved out of our place it was very painful. Even though she was in constant contact with her ex I still loved seeing her everyday, coming home to her on the couch, knowing she was there. It was so painful for me when she moved out, so lonely. It was even more painful knowing that a week after she moved out of our place her ex moved into her place. Now I know why she took those f*cking condoms. For you I am sure it will be lonely when somebody moves out, but if you are both truly falling out of love with each other, there won't be that pain. It may be painful if she starts seeing someone else sometime, but you will be able to see other people too. My relationship was 3 years too. I really wish I had known how to solve the problems we had with each other, because our relationship was too special to let little things like spending too much time together end it. You should ask yourself if you think you two are ending your relationship for good reasons. As I did, sometimes we may feel we are falling out of love with someone, perhaps feeling like we are missing out on meeting other men/women, or other small reasons. If you really had something special, there is no need for a little bump to come between you two. Just because you think you've been missing out on stuff by being in the relationship doesn't mean it needs to be ended! It's just something that needs to be worked through. If you guys are spending too much time together then maybe spend less time together! Hang out with friends and all that, but that doesn't mean you two have to be over! Anyway, your relationship is probably not the same as mine was, but I'm just saying that you need to know why your relationship is ending, and if it's just some silly reason that you two can work out and still be happy together, why not do it? She may be falling out of love with you, and you with her, and that's fine. I just don't want it to be something that you regret on down the line. If it's ending make sure it's for a good reason! Not something you will experience in every relationship.
Author ConfusedAtHome Posted November 21, 2008 Author Posted November 21, 2008 My ex fell out of love with me. Actually I thought I had fallen out of love with her first, and so I wasn't affectionate towards her. After not being affectionate to her for so long, she became very very sad. After a few months of this she had fallen out of love with me too. The only thing is she fell out of love with me and into love with my best friend, which really sucks. Anyway, I realized that I was still very much in love with her. Sounds like our relationship too. We both thought we would grow old together. We both thought we would marry each other. We were actually secretly married for a long time (although not legally). Anyway, I still have that aspiration, but she does not. That hurts like hell. If she has fallen out of love with you it's good that you are falling out of love with her too. Realizing how much I really do love my ex has been the most painful thing in my life, especially realizing the mistake I made in thinking that I didn't actually love her. We probably spent too much time together too. Which was part of the reason I thought I fell out of love with her. At least on two occasions I told her I wanted to spend more time with my friends. This made her so sad. It wasn't that I didn't love her! She meant everything to me. I was just spending 24 hours a day with her and I wanted to see my buddies too. When my ex moved out of our place it was very painful. Even though she was in constant contact with her ex I still loved seeing her everyday, coming home to her on the couch, knowing she was there. It was so painful for me when she moved out, so lonely. It was even more painful knowing that a week after she moved out of our place her ex moved into her place. Now I know why she took those f*cking condoms. For you I am sure it will be lonely when somebody moves out, but if you are both truly falling out of love with each other, there won't be that pain. It may be painful if she starts seeing someone else sometime, but you will be able to see other people too. My relationship was 3 years too. I really wish I had known how to solve the problems we had with each other, because our relationship was too special to let little things like spending too much time together end it. You should ask yourself if you think you two are ending your relationship for good reasons. As I did, sometimes we may feel we are falling out of love with someone, perhaps feeling like we are missing out on meeting other men/women, or other small reasons. If you really had something special, there is no need for a little bump to come between you two. Just because you think you've been missing out on stuff by being in the relationship doesn't mean it needs to be ended! It's just something that needs to be worked through. If you guys are spending too much time together then maybe spend less time together! Hang out with friends and all that, but that doesn't mean you two have to be over! Anyway, your relationship is probably not the same as mine was, but I'm just saying that you need to know why your relationship is ending, and if it's just some silly reason that you two can work out and still be happy together, why not do it? She may be falling out of love with you, and you with her, and that's fine. I just don't want it to be something that you regret on down the line. If it's ending make sure it's for a good reason! Not something you will experience in every relationship. Our relationships sound very similar. We did spend too much time together, but we were doing our own thing a little more which helped. But, we are broken up and she will be moving out when someone can move in with me. It's difficult to be in the same house with one another. We are cordial, but it's weird. She has been affectionate a few times, which is hard for me because I attribute that to still wanting me, but many of my friends say it is her way of making herself feel better about hurting me. BUT at the end of the day, she fell out of love. Maybe she thinks the grass is greener on the other side...and maybe for her it will be. I'm forcing myself to fall out of love with her because I have to. Today has been a difficult day and I am sad and upset.
Viking Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 Find someone to move in ASAP with you. My ex finally delivered the "final blow" by saying she didn't think the she would want to get back together three weeks ago. I have seen her ONCE since then and haven't looked back. She doesn't want you, so you need to get on the same page. No contact after she moves out is what will do you the best. Also, hang out with friends and find some girls at your work or whatever and just start being flirtatious. Its fun, easy and can make you feel a million times better. Even more fun when alcohol is involved as girls tend to get all touchy-feely when they're less than sober. That is what I've found. Another thing I've noticed is that once you take off those "rose colored glasses", you begin to notice things that you were overlooking because you were in love. Girls tend to overlook the fact that guys are just as much of a prize as they are. Good, honest and decent guys are what girls want, they just don't realize it until its too late most of the time. There are billions of women out there. Go take a trip abroad, down the road, to a different state, wherever. You'll see tons of them. Probably not what you want to hear, I didn't. But its what I've come to realize. Beat her to the punch and have a new roommate lined up ready to move in. Make sure its not a girl though. You can live without her. You have to. The best way to end this is to show her that you're your own man and you don't need her to help prop you up. Show her that you are the prize, and that she is letting you go for her own stupid selfish reasons. You'll find that other girls will be attracted to you and its a huge ego boost and maybe one will turn into something more.
savvy_girl Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 My ex, who is either engaged or soon to be engaged, states he still loves me, BUT it is too painful for him...he is the one whom was cheating! HE had a new gf immediately. We were together for 4 years and engaged. Our problem was we did not spend enough time together. It is good for you that you are falling out of love for her. I agree with the others, it will be less painful. The rejection is killing me.
lofi_tokyo Posted November 22, 2008 Posted November 22, 2008 My ex, who is either engaged or soon to be engaged, states he still loves me, BUT it is too painful for him...he is the one whom was cheating! HE had a new gf immediately. We were together for 4 years and engaged. Our problem was we did not spend enough time together. It is good for you that you are falling out of love for her. I agree with the others, it will be less painful. The rejection is killing me. I was never engaged to my ex and our relationship was long distance. So right there, I cannot compare. We did date for two years though, and he did get a new GF immediately. Its really hard handling that kind of rejection, I can relate. ;p
Recommended Posts